|Reviews for The Guardians' Myth|
| NeoMiniTails chapter 3 . 2/11/2006
Ok... I hope this review does not hurt your feeling as I will only write what has came to my mind as I read this story.
I did find your story to be intriguing and interesting... and I still somewhat do.
I've read through the chapter and have somewhat found that through all the OC characters... that I have been very bored with thier parts... though i still find it somewhat interesting.
I do wish that you gave more description to your characters and even the other characters... I cannot imagine any of your OC excapt that one has pigtails... so that makes it even harder to get into thier parts.
I wish that you put more parts of the actual characters from the show instead of these characters because I find it really hard to get into thier reaction...
Though I did find the C2. beginning a very nice beginning... er,well, actually Ch.1. I liked the part about the man and his somewhat fear of the woman with the black eyes... and i loved how you mentioned how it was sad about the statues about heroes and how no one had ever saw them...
I was throughly intrigued by the neo Queen Serenity part of the last chapter and found it ver suspenseful after you had her fall out and think to herself that it couldn't be over.
I was very much interested in the scout s part fo the last chapter though you could've used the battle of The Doon Phantom and Mistress 9 battle... but still, it was veyr good the way you did it.
I love the kismet and The Guardian little talk about how he felt that he wasted his sacrifice for people who didn't give a care and made the world even worsta and how lazy people had become.
This part is one to love:
'She smiled sweetly. "You were too blinded by your devotion to this pathetic race to even dream that they would repay you in such a way." There was something about the way she said it that made the Guardian's muscles tense in anger.'
I liked the way you added this part showing how he was angered by her showing not a crae in the world that she didn't tell first of all and how she acted and said about the humans.
The part after that was great! I say it is great because in a way, (by the last chapter because of Kismet laughing) you could tell she wanted the Guardian to do somethign terrible.
On this sentence: There was no one in sight save Bulma's mother who was busy
Shouldn't (save) be (except.) You have this mistake in a couple areas in your writing, including: ' there is nothing standing between us save the pitiful efforts of your guardians." The man laughed, a low chuckle that chilled her to the bone.'
The word save means to rescue someone
The word you are looking for was escape meaning to the only thing or whatver you know what I mean, I hope.
I like her (serenity's) dream... it is very good because it kept me reading.
Was that man in Serena' dream The Guardian though it sounds to me that it is the Doom Phantom.. my favorite bad gue he he he :)
Though I said Kismet seemed to have wanted it... I do say she was the reason thoug it is obvious that she didn't want the Guardian to cause the destruction by the end of the chapter.
| Luna's Meow chapter 1 . 2/7/2006
I believe I started to read this once. Hopefully you'll get your inspiration back...
| Almaseti chapter 6 . 10/22/2003
Well. Interesting. I'm a bit out of it since it's been so long since I've looked at this story, but the guardian's appearance surprised me. I don't think I have much to say, actually. (Sporanox got most of it first!) But expect me to follow the next bit.
| Sporanox chapter 6 . 10/18/2003
Sin, how long did it take you to write this? I'm guessing. . .one hour at most. Come on, this is too short! Heh.
It's still good, as usual. It took me a couple seconds to realize that Lady Void had declared war on the members of the council and not on the Guardian first. Nice plot twist.
As far as criticism goes, this chapter is way too short. Yes, you can say it's an epilogue, but unless the newest chapter comes out soon, I'm not taking this lying down. As a matter of fact, if this is the end of part one, then this story is going to be pretty short. MAKE IT LONGER!
Finally, I see nothing I can comment on that someone hasn't voiced already. Keep up the good work.
| Pointy Ears Are My Thing chapter 5 . 9/19/2003
First of all let me just say that I didn't mean to offer to be your editor Sin. I was offering to be a good reader, who points out problems.
I really liked the part about it will be more than void, it will be worse than that. A hard cocept to grasp, but a good one to use.
The part with Vegeta meeting his dad again was really cool. He does cry when he dies in the Namek saga, so I don't think it's OCC at all.
Okay that's all I can say, cause I can't afford the internet anymore.
Side note to Phedre:
Ann and Allen are seeking a new home after the tree of life is healed by Sailor Moon. They get sucked into a worm hole and end up in DBZ.
Good way to crossover with out writing a tired old storyline. You can have it, you'd do better than me anyday. I'm better in true fantasy. Lord of the Rings, Forgotten Relms that kind of thing.
| Niamh is searching for a muse chapter 5 . 9/12/2003
Hey, this was such a nice surprise! Is it me or are the decent stories in this section becoming rarer and rarer?
Anyway, I'd like to give you a good critique, but sadly you have left me almost nothing to pick apart. Darn you!
I don't think the scene with Usagi was as cliche as you think it was (mostly because it was well written and talent is sadly not cliche in this section). It was a little corny and though I don't mind that terribly, something didn't sit exactly right in it. I think it my problem might lie in the Usagi's inner monolague. The ideas in it were good, wonderful even, but the actual mechanics seemed, I don't know, clunky? It might be just being stupid and not allowing the elipsis, I don't know. I wish I could sugest something to make it better, the problem is that it is SO close that I can almost taste what you are aiming for, it's just not there yet.
I'll stop rambling now, I realize that I lost my usefulness after the first paragraph. Your story is wonderful and I hope to see more soon!
| Pointy Ears Are My Thing chapter 5 . 9/11/2003
You have a lot going on in this chapter so I will have to take some time to think about what I am going to say. If I don't get back to you in a few days, it's because I'm busy trying to learn Quenya.
| Almaseti chapter 5 . 9/9/2003
_ Glad to see you updated this thing. Let's get down to business, shall we?
Mechanics and so on were mostly satisfactory, but there were a few little things that needed to be looked at.
Example? "Bardock it will be more than void, it will be worse than that. I can't explain everything now but." should have a comma after Bardock and it looks like you wanted to trail off with "..." but it didn't come out like that, for whatever reason. (Hint to Phedre: has a tendency to turn a sequence of "..." into just ".". put at least five in if you want it to come up like that)
Besides that, it's good. The plot is going along wonderfully, and I don't really have a problem with the characterizations at all. Maybe the Usagi scene was rather iffy, but I can't really think about a better way to do it, so I'll just accept it.
I definitely want to see more of that bit with Vegeta. I was rather disappionted to see it end so soon, actually.
Not much to comment on. Darn. Make more mistakes next time! _
Oh, and about the book? Any self respecting library ought to have a shelf full of Terry Pratchett books at no charge. If they don't, see if they'll order it for you.
| Neo-merc chapter 3 . 8/28/2003
(I had to review on chap three as it wudn't let me go on chap 4 again *sweatdrops*)
Anyways just wanted to say sorry if my last review didn't make sense, most of the time i just mumble on about a load of shit. Like now, but just saying soz ya know. *grins*
Um, bye. *walks away awkwardly and laughs*
| Neo-merc chapter 4 . 8/28/2003
This story to be very honest is one of the best i have read, your descriptions are wonderful and every chapter leaves me wanting to read more. Now Goku and Usagi being lost Together, now that's dangerous, i hope the chicken is ok in the end.
Um anyways, spelling, how the hell should i know? I couldn't spell to save my life. So, i'm just going to leave that little subject.
Well, i g2g now, i hope i can think of some stories that are original, i've tried writing fics before, but i've removed them cus they were crap. I am trying to think of stories right now, but i'm getting nuthing. *whacks head* _
P.S: And to the Angry Review Reader person, they can flame people if they want to, Phedre 'flamed' me, but instead of getting angry about it, i took in what he/she was saying and now every time i start a fanfic i think about how to make my story original and how to make the characters stay in character (dus that make sense?)
Um, sorry for boring ya! _~
(gah, your going to make fun of me aren't you, oh well, i'm used to it) *Mumbles something about bullies*
| Angry Review Reader chapter 1 . 8/24/2003
i'm writing this to you to tell you to back the fuck off
who the fuck are you to tell people that they cant write. its not like your writing is the best.
if you dont like people's stories dont read them. especially the ones where people say the characters are not really how the characters normally act. gesh if you dont like it dont read them. get a life and stop flaming people.
if people want to write betrayal fiction leave them be. you and other flamers are such losers. normally i dont flame people but you deserve to be told this. get a life and dont critize. let people write what they want its a fucking free world the last time i checked.
| Pointy Ears Are My Thing chapter 4 . 8/19/2003
I'd like to revamp an earlier review I sent you.
First of all EVERY time I read a really complex story, be it Mythology, a novel, a play, you know whatever, I always make a detailed character guild to help me keep the track of the characters. It might please you to know that I started one when I first started reading this. Having a character guild created by the author(s) is always preferable to creating you own in my eyes, as they list the details that are truely important to the story.
When I first "met" the Guardian, I labeled him as the protagonist of the story. He seems to genuinely care about the human race's well being. To have him make a one-eighty, and become the antagonist, was not something I was expecting. You completely astonded me. You totally changed my prospective of good and evil.
| Pointy Ears Are My Thing chapter 1 . 8/5/2003
If you really want to help i can read your story and look for sentence structure problems, unfortunetly I suck at spelling. Don't be discouraged most people don't have brains. Write for yourself, if people like me like you then then well that is just a plus.
| Pointy Ears Are My Thing chapter 4 . 7/25/2003
The CHARACTER GUIDE was extreamly helpful, thank you for making it. I love that the Guardian becomes the villain, it's an intresting approach.
| Labyris chapter 4 . 7/16/2003
Not bad I like it quite a bit pleae write more.