|Reviews for GATE: Journey in the New World|
| DFMRCV chapter 19 . 10/4/2021
Aww, thank you! Do keep in mind, I'm just a guy who likes reading and writing.
Anywho, on to the chapter.
Alright, good... good...
Few quick things... uh... okay, not that quick... but they aren't a big deal, just stuff I noticed and figured I should mention in the review since that's what this is for.
Is Al like... a rookie? I would assume a mechanic would know how to work an LAV if he's a mechanic... unless this is the Japanese model and it's different from the American model? Would have liked some more details there, but it's not a big deal as it is just foreshadowing the lore of the village to someone who is relatively away from the action.
Now, the one bit that made me raise an eyebrow... um... .22 caliber bullets?
Maybe I missed the rifles they were carrying, but for the JSDF, it should either be 7.62 or 5.56 NATO, similar with the US forces depending on the rifle. Now, in the original canon, the JSDF is using the Howa Type 64 rifle, which is an older variant that used 7.62 NATO ammunition similar to America's M14 Battle Rifle of the time, while their current main rifle, the Howa Type 89 uses the 5.56 NATO rounds, similar to our M4 rifles, which while technically a .22 caliber bullet, it really doesn't do it justice to just call it a .22 given the bullet isn't considered a "real" caliber by many. You can probably watch some Demolition Ranch videos to get an idea of what I mean as a .22 bullet simply doesn't have the same amount of power and penetration of a 5.56 or .223 (the rounds the Type 89 and M4 use).
Again, not a big deal, just a little tidbit I noticed and figured I would mention here so that you can avoid causing the gun geeks to raise an eyebrow.
But, yeah, pretty good chapter. The idea that this is very much a different world is just getting more and more cemented with these chapters as the archaic magic summoning practically unkillable demons is something that I don't think has ever been done in a Gate fic. Feel kind of bad for the guys running with a hundred pounds of equipment, dodging what is essentially a walking nightmare.
It was interesting to see you try and simplify the horror aspect cause it did work overall in my opinion. It felt like you were leaning more on the adventure side of things as everyone kind of runs around now that the radios were cut and they don't really have a complete picture of what's going on, which, I think is a fair call. A lot of horror movies would just not have the radios be a factor at all, which is kind of annoying at times, but it worked here to add to the whole "oh, crap, this is magic, a complete unknown to us". At least here we're seeing that it is still very much chaotic as you're throwing a lot of the guys' basic training and throwing it out the window given how alien their situation is, making them improvise, which... yeah, overall decent enough as all they can really do is run.
Again, the magic is REALLY making its presence felt here, I mean... I really don't know how to explain this, it all feels like genuine set up and world building on the fact that, hey, this is a world where magic exists and is very much in play. A far cry from the battle of eras of many fics, mine included, but in a good way. There is an air of mystery, too... not sure what's up with that glowing light giving people advice, but again it adds to the whole "this is an adventure story", not so much a war story, which is pretty sweet.
I guess one way to describe it is what the original author of Gate tried to do? In the original Gate we did get elements of "ha-ha, fun travelling into a fantasy world" but it was constantly colliding with politics and trying to show how cool Japan was, and overall was detrimental to the story. While a lot of Gate fics do tend to lean on the exploration of a war with a technologically inferior force, or the character aspect, yours is leaning into the fantasy and exploration aspect which, as I've said, is a welcome change.
The potential concern is that the tone may suffer if done wrong, but so far it's working alright.
Characters are still pretty good. Rory is again, pretty interesting while she's around as she's different from her canon self but not to the point she's unrecognizable. Her Halberg materializing whenever she wills it is pretty cool. Itami is still a concerned officer at least, so kudos on keeping that aspect. The ghosts were... well, a creepy addition that cements the whole "the land is CURSED" bit, but yeah, I was a bit more freaked out by the whole revenge consuming people's hearts here, which... hmm... hoping isn't foreshadowing anything, but I digress.
Also... developing potential romance between Shino and Kurata? hello, Persia, having some competition? Curious, curious!
...oh, right... unless he DIES... geez, that ENDING! I did not expect it, like...
Kurata: *EAT THIS!*
Me: "Oh, is Rory going to show up and-?"
Yeah, I'm pretty invested.
Good chapter overall, good work, keep it up. Looking forward to see if the cat-lover makes it out alive or not... I mean... even if the thing doesn't die from that explosion, a fragmentation grenade is probably going to ruin his day given how close he was to it and even if he's unharmed from the grenade, the dude got stabbed!
Again, good chapter, looking forward to the next one!
| naufalrakha0104 chapter 18 . 9/22/2021
Oke.. Take your time as you need... Waiting for next fic
| Coment9 chapter 6 . 9/20/2021
Ever thought about making a wik for this story?
| DFMRCV chapter 17 . 9/19/2021
Hmm... Okay, so this was certainly different.
Again, I enjoy the fact that you're keeping things in perspective and avoiding the pitfalls of just dumping exposition through regular text, or failing to give information by focusing too much on a single character. You're doing very well by keeping the story focused on the individual characters and their perspectives in this fantasy world.
Of course, a problem with following this process that could potentially arise is that there are too many characters to follow at a time as we saw in the original Gate series as it came to an end and the author decided to just kill off as many characters as possible. This isn't a problem here right now, but a word of advice is to proceed with caution on how many character perspectives you include in a chapter... just a lesson I learned writing Freedom's Ring is all.
Overall, good job.
That said, if I had one "gripe" for this chapter, it would have to be that I didn't really see the purpose of the Chocobo scene. I guess to build up Itam and Rory's arrival for the next chapter? I mean, I get that their LAV broke down, but I'm not sure what the scene with the living trees added overall other than "oh... crap... dangerous plants exist" which, not really an issue, happy for the worldbuilding, it just felt a bit out of place given everything going on with Marcus and Cato and Hodor and the village evacuation. Like, you could have had Rory just hint at the Chocobos and then cut away for the reveal next chapter and I don't think it would change much, but maybe it's foreshadowing something else? I don't know, it just kind of stood out to me is all as there is a sense of urgency, but this one scene felt less like it added to it and more like it was its own thing, which is fine, it didn't ruin the chapter or anything, it's just felt a touch out of place.
Also, are the guys riding them with their hundred pounds of gear (plate carriers, kevlar, rifles, ammo, etc.)? Cause... those poor birds...
Then there's the ending... gotta say, I really liked the build-up going on here. There is a very clear sense of dread for the unknown here that's different from other Gate fics as we're dealing more with an unknown entity instead of simple fantasy creatures seen in most Isekai stories. Even in the main Gate canon, the "unknowns" are treated with a surgical coldness that even when a direct implication for what the threat could be is given, it never feels like a threat... looking at you "Apcryph".
Heck, even in other works this is different. Where in some other stories like Here we go Again or even my own fic, the dread would come from facing the enemy and having to kill them as these are stories that really lean into the "war of eras" side of things. There is genuinely a different atmosphere in this fic, and so far, it's been pretty good.
Like I've said before, it's nice to see a fic that focuses more on the fantasy aspect of a story in a more interesting way that focuses more on the fact that this is another world, a nice breath of fresh air.
Movie references are fine, though I do wonder how you plan on dealing with these "demonic beasts". You set up the speaker being used here to help the villagers, so... if you're referencing A Quiet Place, I have a decent idea of how it's going to be used... assuming it's used.
Overall, good read. Glad to see you back in the gist of it.
Oh, and word of advice for writing the long chapters... don't sweat it.
Write a chapter so it gets to the point you planned or feel comfortable leaving it at. When I wrote Freedom's Ring and The Fight we Chose I needed the longer chapters to advance the story I had in mind. Planning helps, but you just need to have an idea of where you want the chapter to end.
That's way more important than length.
Keep up the good work!
| Major Simi chapter 16 . 9/15/2021
Well interesting chapter
| crea9587 chapter 1 . 9/8/2021
I cannot believe that I did not know who you were. I just saw your comment on one of my chapters and decided to return the man for being the first to comment on my first story.
It really helps me to push on despite the , I just got done the prologue to this chapter and right now,without looking at the other chapters it is going strong. Nicely written and better structured some of the others that I have read here. Keep up the great job deserve it. Hope you have a nice rest of the day or night:)
| Coment9 chapter 5 . 9/7/2021
You know there’s a YouTube channel called “battle order” that does videos on military stuff which includes Japan and the US so if you need more information you could always watch his videos.
| Coment9 chapter 4 . 9/7/2021
That last line was a bit…hmm unnecessary? Considering that the guy was already going unconscious that line by the soldier was pretty much unnecessary.
| Coment9 chapter 3 . 9/7/2021
Interesting lore there.
| Coment9 chapter 2 . 9/7/2021
| Coment9 chapter 1 . 9/7/2021
| Just a Crazy-Man chapter 16 . 9/5/2021
| 2eLegereYoukai chapter 1 . 9/4/2021
japan summons category just got added
just wanted to let you know about it
| Maroon567 chapter 17 . 8/28/2021
welp looks like it's round two for Tuka and Hodor
| Maroon567 chapter 16 . 8/25/2021
well congratulation marcus you just pissed of veteran combat mage and a student of apostle of death with power equal to small battalion
enjoy your stay in coda while you still can...
''The Village Hall is on Fire!''
i can only guess marcus is either dead or cripled