Reviews for The Guise of Family |
---|
![]() ![]() Sorry but you truly lost me with this 5th house chapter. IMHO one of the stupidest ideas ever created. The story has other problems like the OC you introduced early one anyway and that was pretty much my final warning sign. |
![]() ![]() ![]() While I was iffy on the story in the beginning you managed to swerve it and build an unique story in the HP universe and for that i give you kudos. Can't want to read the other stories. |
![]() ![]() ![]() My mind violently rejected the notion of Harry liking Umbridge even due to his lack of info. Fantastic chapter. |
![]() ![]() ![]() this is an amazing book so far I'm supposed to be reading academic material for my schools academic team and well this is so good I can't stop so it can wait for like Saturday or something |
![]() ![]() ![]() At what point are CPS going to get involved this Harry has had contact with more than enough well meaning adults that someone must have seen the crimson flags flying over the poor kid. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Can we move on from the abuse already? This is getting really close to a tragedy fetish. We can infer Harry was severely abused without making a whole arc out of his abuse. It's a tired trope that sticks to canon but I'm really getting tired of stories that expand or even worsen Harry's abuse at the hands of the Dursleys. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Since you are doing casting for characters I propose Matt Smith for Newt, the way you write him I hear his voice, and your story is fabulous! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Really nice work with sorting hat song. So few people write them, and it’s clear you put a lot of effort into it. Major kudos! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Okay so pro tip: having multiple characters with the same name a big no-no, especially in fanfiction. As there’s already a well known character in this series named Charlie, unless the postman is also working with dragons with Romania, you’ve already confused the ready with their introduction, and you’ll do it again if we ever meet Charlie Weasley it’ll happen again. It’s not a huge confusion, but that little thought of “hey is that Charlie Weasley working as a postman?” Will continue in the back of your readers mind until proven otherwise, which will constantly pull their attention away from the dialogue. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Okay I’m about to start the marathon that is this fic, but your first page already has two massive red flag. Special symbols for parcel tongue? You can trust us to know that when someone is talking to a snake, they’re probably not talking English. Bold text for other languages? You can just mention the first time it happens what language they’re speaking if it really matters, but forcing your readers to slog through whole conversations in bold is just a cruel and unusual punishment. Just because it’s a trope to do something, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a good idea. In summary, I think you can trust your readers a bit more than you clearly do from the outset. Unless there are people in a situation where they don’t understand the language, you don’t even have to mention that it’s different, it makes no actual difference. |
![]() ![]() I am just dying with laughter over Fred and George's response to their "new brothers". The reference to the 1930's movie Freaks with them chanting "One of Us" was sublime. Very clever writing, I am enjoying this greatly. |
![]() ![]() ![]() “Keep me safe, Martin” brought tears to my eyes. It’s perfect. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Kindergarten is an German/American thing. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Just so you know, the day comes before the month in most places in the world. So Halloween is not 10.31, but rather 31.10. It doesn't make much sense for him to use the American convention here. |
![]() ![]() This story is awesome, so different to the run-of-the-mill HP fanfics! |