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Really nice work.

Really? Is Hermione really that hard to say or write for that matter? Answer is NO. Yet, don't know why really, but nearly every author feels the absurd need to have Harry shorten her name to 'Mione. Which is kind of odd for a couple of reasons. One, Mione is only one syllable short of Hermione, which is the poor girl's name. Two, she hates people shortening her name, and yet, author keep doing it anyway. Why? No idea. Some sort of obsession toward giving people nicknames (which they don't want)? Again, no idea.

I could not agree with the author in their author notes. Why did Ms. Rowling ever think to pair the 'brightest witch of her age' with a lazy, bullying, willfully ignorant moron? I mean, okay, Ron's not as abhorrent as, say, Draco Malfoy, but there are some disturbing similarities. And don't even get me started about the ridiculous Dramoine rubbish that's more prevalent than it should be. I mean, honestly, Hermione's only ever loathed and despised the platinum-haired would-be ferret. Why in the world would she EVER want to hook up with that arrogant, narcissistic, narrow-minded coward? And that's beside the fact that Draco thinks Hermione is nothing much more than some talking animal. Why in Merlin's name would he even consider any relationship with a MUDBLOOD? (Hate the word, but it is appropriate because that's how Draco, the Incredible Bouncing Ferret thinks).

Hy

This is so good i cant wait for the later chapters!

Ry

I dont think it matters whether you hyphenate the boy who lived or not. Treat it like marvel treats Spiderman, Spider Man, Spider-Man. They use all 3.

Moddy is not the type of person to use pet names or nicknames. He takes everything seriously. I could see fred or george calling voldemort 'voldy'. Not moody. Same thing with his comment about daddy for crabbe - I would be stunned if I ever heard him say that instead of father. He is very no nonsense.

When did harry learn his wand shares a core with voldemorts wand? Canonically, harry finds out here, and I either missed or dont remember when he found out in this fic. I think its an oversight, but it might be on me if it was there and I forgot.

The demeanor is off for Neville - he isnt the type to say dark prick. He would swear, or just say he, but neville longbottom doesnt really take the piss out of someone like this.

'Voldy' works for sirius - its absolutely in him to casually insult someones name. Again, though, its jarring to see moody use nicknames.

I still dont think you portray fudge well.

The rapid shift of harry back and forth between shell shocked, angry, emotionally vulnerable, and to telling everyone around him what to do feels very off to me.

I think if I had to sum up my thoughts on the chapter, I think it comes down to what people say and how they say it. I have recognized a predilection from the author to use nicknames in general (across the entire fic), and I think many times it is misplaced in its usage in either person or situation. I dont know if you use beta readers or not, but I believe this is the type of thing an editor or beta reader can help pick up on.

I am not trying to be rude or mean. I tend to comment when something brings me out of the story a bit, or I notice an error or have a question, or wanted to say something was done well - and I tend to have the review open on the next page so I can make notes as I go. This lets me go into more detail than most and my thoughts are pretty fresh when I put them down - which I think can be equally as important as a chapter overview. If I didnt care, I wouldnt comment - I would just drop the fic.

I do think youve done an overall good job with this fiction - very few of my reviews are ever disagreeing with story direction (in any story). Its the prerogative of the author on where to take the tale. I do often comment on the mechanics of how something is done, and on logical issues. My commentary on the prose varies by fiction, but I tend to comment more when it is inconsistent. Not every author is great, nor are they all terrible - I just tend to offer my thoughts more when I see those inconsistencies.

Anyways, thats a little insight into me as a reviewer since Ive been vocal here.

Are you just ignoring that the visages of those created from priori incantatem are just that - visages of people through a pale impression of them from their magic? It was no more james and lily than a video of my parents is my parents. Its just an echo.

He couldnt learn the lightning whip because voldemort was connected to his soul? Thats bullshit. Harry certainly learned other family spells that were listed there - you said so yourself. Also, he is allowed to teach it to those outside the family - you also wrote that yourself. I am not even sorry, this is a piss-poor attempt at a backhanded explanation.

Ugh, and a flashback at this time? Yeah, Im just going to skip that. This is mostly just a me thing, hating flashbacks with a passion, but there is a better way to time it. You are honestly killing tension right here for what happened in the graveyard by putting it here. If you would instead wait until all the current events have died down, you can relay those events to the reader. Or, you could have covered them during the events in the maze or even earlier. You basically have told the entire death star trench run from lukes point of view, got to him about to fire at the death star, and switched back to han back in the hangar. The pacing is completely fucked.

Ok, after taking a break mid chapter, I am resuming my read.

Fawkes' beak is now considered to be so destructive it can do damage that cannot be magically repaired (or near enough as makes no difference)? That IS the basic requirement to destroy a horcrux. Also, Voldemort never, never, NEVER magically or physiologically felt the destruction of his horcruxes. Its a key plot point, in fact. If you are trying to have that happen, good luck making a realistic story where you have to find and destroy multiple hidden horcruxes. If the goal was drama, it was a little shortsighted here.

"Try this on for size"? That is not in character with voldemort. He doesnt have that kind of demeanor when he speaks. Its more the thing a plucky hero says when they are battling against the odds - not someone who considers themselves supreme. The latter are more likely to make statements of intent as fact or verdict, like "Die!" and such.

By the way, how could the death eaters apparate in and out of the graveyard when all means of magical transportation and communication were dealt with? I realize you could somehow overlook a portkey, or even not know how to ward against a phoenix, but to forget anti-apparition wards? I realize its not really relevant here that they forgot them with how youve written it, but I do just want to point it out. On a secondary note, why is everyone vanishing in a puff of smoke? There is no smoke when apparating.

This is a longer commentary on this chapter, but I had more to say than usual.

Really? I cant say I am a fan of rug pulls like with the way to contact dumbledore. This just tumbled down near the bottom of my list on takes of this event by fanfics. I will read on, but signalling differences and then not following through is just poor form.

Oh, and what pray tell mends his sleeve just before the duel with voldemort? Frankly, this takes this down to my least liked version of this. If you have the gall to keep events the same, have the guts to stick to it.

Ok, I have had it with the authors fascination with all the damn nicknames. Lily would never have called James 'Prongs'. She was absolutely against what the marauders did and would not use that name as a term of endearment for her man. The only time I could possibly see it being used would be as an insult in a fight.

Yeah, this take on the graveyard manages to be too conventional by staying close to canon and simultaneously sucking by messing up all the tension. I found myself mentally checking out as I read. Sometimes, brutally honest is the only way to tell how you really feel. I try to keep my comments constructive and usually do, but in this case its just a terrible scene.

The action in the maze was done well. I do get tired of how harry getting teleported to little hangleton seems to be a nexus that almost no author avoids in the return of voldemort, but I cant really criticize it as almost every other fiction does it as well.

I can seeee~ his fuuuuutuuuuuuu~rrrreeeeee!

Cedric is a 7th year. He wont be at Hogwarts next year.

Krums comment about quidditch doesnt really work with his character, even jokingly. He enjoys competition, clearly, and would comment about transferring to hogwarts to play or something like that. Not about running from the heat.