Harry has been at hogwarts for less than a week and knows fred and george well enough to tell them apart? Come on, my guy.

And now susan bones is glomping onto the harry potter wankoff? All the heir/heiress stuff is completely unnatural outside a formal setting. Which school is not

Does Harry have a talent at feeling magic? Or is this just normal in this setting? If it's the former, I expect to see plot development in that direction. if it is the latter, then why didn't flitwick pick up on what's going on with Nevilles wand? That's exactly the sort of thing I would expect a teacher to be the one to pick up on.

I can understand Harry's outburst at Ron, but it's sort of like Neville's letter to his grandmother. It reads down a whole list of points almost, and that's not exactly how this works, unless you have an actual set of longstanding grievances against someone. Harry Potter is also someone who doesn't really curse at that age, and if he did, he would not use the f bomb - he would use other words.

You did a good job with Harrys reaction to the letter and then this sentence happened:

"How do you feel, now that you know the truth about your parents and learn more about who they were?"

No one in the world who gives a damn about that boy would ever ask that right there. Maybe in 10 minutes. But immediately after him breaking down and crying? Thats hug time, and reassuring him. Seeing the above was super jarring at how clinical it sounded, and how much the author needs to grow as a writer to realize you dont try and get a crying person to psychoanalyze their feelings right away. You comfort them, and when they are feeling better, you then ask them if they are alright and if they want to talk about it.

Nevilles letter to his gran is super weird. Like, I see how youre trying to set it up that he gets rescued from the Dursleys, but kids dont write their family to talk about how someone didnt pick up on a random comment they said. Mentioning his clothes dont fit him is more in line with what would be said, just not the rest about his mum. I also refuse to believe neville has had enough life experience to read harrys eyes that way. Hermione? Sure. She has probably had a muggle class on keeping an eye out for abuse in school or something and is the type to remember. Neville, not so much.

The entire letter from neville aside from mentioning he met harry is just very strange to me coming from an 11 year old boy. Try having those with the life experience and care do this type of thing instead. Like a teacher. Im not saying someone cant notice something, but neville goes through your entire list of stuff you are laying out for harry like he has been studying him or something. You've laid it on a bit too thick. 99.9% of eleven year olds struggling like neville are too caught up in their own issues to notice things like this rather than dealing with their own crap.

I will reserve comment on the heir potter stuff for now. But none of that stuff was in the original fiction and as it seems like you're trying to keep the flavor of the original, I hope you don't go off into a weird direction with this.

The letter from draco to his father was actually very well done. It conveyed information that you as the author needed, in a way that draco would have written, to his father in a way that he could take that and run with it for the plot. Rons was also good.

Dont use acronyms without explaining them. Seriously. The internet allows this to reach people from walks of life you would never expect and who will just be confused by unknown acronyms.

"HMP Dursley" ?
"I really liked the BFG when I was growing up" ?

Ok, the puns are whatever for the dad. He wasnt really covered in the story much, though what we did see showed a personality not like this at all. Its totally out of character for hermione, though understandable if you go that route with dad. Weirdly, it worked best with harry as he is trying to fit in as best he can. I dont think its a big deal, but it was distracting as my HP hind brain kept calling it out.

Great start!

Yv

great story. i love the changes you've made. the death and loss of that family's house was a little sad

I really like this story. it's an excellent read and I look forward to reading what happens in your next chapter.

I loved the quidditch tryouts.
I would totally read the Gryffindor chasers playting in a pickup quidditch game against Flitwick and McGonagall.

Even though it's not part of the story, props for the Ian Malcolm quote!

Afred? bro suddenly has a wand now? where’s hermione with the map when you need her

Great update! Enjoyed re-reading this lovely story.

loving this fic thanks so much have agreat weekend

So good! Happy you're back,and looking forward to more chapters!

what those dogs are guarding? Harry and Hermione haven't been to the third floor yet.