Reviews for The Right One (Naruto x Hanabi)
Tri-Edge chapter 1 . 7/28
You really need to proofread your work. There are lots of errors in regard to punctuation and grammar. You have random words capitalized in the middle of sentences when they should not be, uncapitalized when they should be, spaces where shouldn't be any, and more than a few typos alongside horrible sentence structure.

If you can't do it yourself, then get a beta reader because this is a slog to attempt to read through—and this is just the first chapter.

Additionally you lack any environmental description, the dialogue is stiff and awkward, you constantly interrupt the flow of the story with unnecessary translations in parentheses and brackets, and rather than actually showing the actions taken you prefer to tell us and leave it at that. That all makes for a very stale story.

Also, what the hell is up with the weird self-censorship? It's okay to say "fuck,slut," bitch," and the like; especially if you're already using it.
Guest chapter 12 . 4/19
srysly wtf, pacing needs to be said.

Kiba's an ass

kudos for not pandering to Hinata

wtf is everyone's problem?
Uzumaki-Samuel chapter 12 . 4/20
Hi, the chapter was good, I could say it's a transition chapter to get to the good part of the story. The conversation between Hanabi and Hinata was amazing, I thought that maybe Hinata would react in a more violent way or telling Hanabi that she still hadn't given up for winning Naruto's love, but anyway that's fine.

Rest and take care, until the next chapter.
Guest chapter 1 . 4/12
makes no sense he fails one retrivel mission so someone thinks hey lets send him on another guessing they want that mission to fail to.
Imo Lmao XD chapter 11 . 4/9
PLS fix the pacing, this is very confusing

Kiba's an asshole
Village council politics is confusing

Naruto's being a doormat for abuse
Hanabi should have run away with Naruto
Tsunade is within rights to start killing people for treason, sedition, and conspiracy
Uzumaki-Samuel chapter 10 . 4/8
Oh, and before I forget please soon have Hinata find out everything that happens between Naruto and Hanabi and the two sisters have a conversation about this, it would be interesting to read this.
Uzumaki-Samuel chapter 11 . 4/8
Hi, this chapter was entertaining, the lemon was decent and it was nice to understand everything he was saying, before going to boarding school try to prepare and upload more chapters, the story is on the right track and I hope it doesn't take too long. I wish you could finish it before going to the boarding school but I don't want you to rush and lower the quality of the fanfic, take care.
TheSlySage chapter 5 . 3/29
lol literary in consistency. there is no Jesus in the world of Naruto(though they could use some of him lol) Kami, or Sage are sometimes uses in replacement however lol
TheSlySage chapter 4 . 3/29
i just can't picture Hiashi accepting an Inuzuka for his daughter. They would be considered the least possible option as they would probably just consider them peasant flea bags.
honestly probably choose Senju, Uchiha, or family members with links to the council, maybe the Nara clan and if there were a male heir the Yamanaka. i just don't see them allowing an Inuzuka lol
TheSlySage chapter 2 . 3/29
uhmmm thats not what an accountant does for their work. that would be a sales rep, shopkeeper, clerk. Additionally, you seem to have a small issue with capitalization. You seem to capitalize all of your nouns as opposed to just the proper nouns

...cup cake boobs? hahhaahha

uhm the lady would lose her job for kissing a customer. especially if it was unwarranted and they didn't give concent

chap 2

also she went from D cups in the first chao and now has H cups? what da fuq? chap3
TheSlySage chapter 1 . 3/29
did you really call nipples cherries? lol
taiwoeretan1 chapter 8 . 3/19
So is Hanabi older than Hinata in this fuc?
SSJ3 Kyuubi Gohan chapter 8 . 3/7
Hmm, I like the story essence, but there is a lot of confusion abound. You say this is after the failed sasuke retrieval mission, at first I thought you meant pre shippuden, but now I suspect you meant post-shippuden. It is also unclear where we are now in the timeline of events.
Additionally, it seems odd that Kiba is suddenly going after hanabi, I would have thought you would need some event to raise his interest, or why would he not be aiming for hinata.
Lastly, there are a few typographical errors, a beta might help.
Overall, a pretty decent attempt at a first entry (you say second fic but I don't see any others on your profile).
Guest chapter 8 . 3/2
Yawn, Kiba again
zx20000006 chapter 2 . 3/2
why would hashi just give his daughter away like that to a kid he barely knows. kiba was part of the TEAM that saved hanabi and he wasn't the one to rescue her anyway so why would hashi do this it doesn't make sense. Also what tradition dictates you give your daughter away to a man if he participates in a rescue mission that involves her ? if that tradition was true then the huga would have never been able to keep the byakugan inside their clan because they will endup giving their daughters to any man who somehow saves said daughters life. the shinobi world is full of dangers and the huga clan is a shinobi clan so if you do the calculations the huga would run out of daughters if they kept following that stupid tradition.
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