He flew dragons in the sight of like a thousand people and believes that word wont get out? Hes reasoning is very flawed. By now with everyones spy networks pretty much everyone would already know

This story is past the point of being ridiculous but just to throw some realism because this story severely lacks it. So the MC being the moron he is left his sister who by description is the most beautiful girl in the north alone during an ironborn raid. Then passed out for six after she was kidnapped. Well given who we know the ironborn are since its been six days she has probably had half the dirty pirates on the island already run a train on her while the other half are lining up to take their turn. So i guess he should hurry up to get to the island to go pick up his 100% sure by now pregnant sister so he can help raise her half pirate baby. To bad the author didnt give this moron of an MC and his sister world breaking super powers that could have prevented his sister from being forced to join the pirate rape party. Oh wait he did? Then how did they fuck up so bad to ket it happen anyway

ASOIAF still has feeling of being grounded in realism for the most part. You giving the twins power to shoot fire and ice from their hands makes this feel more like a Saturday morning X-men cartoon then a story about westeros. Not to mention that the universe just suddenly gifting them dragon eggs out of nowhere. I get some things need to happen to make some cannon changes but you turning your MCs into the equivalent of Marvel mutants is to much. Not to mention the way your MCs talk. I get he’s reincarnated but in this timeline hes a child. Having him cuss constantly just screws up the immersion of the story. It doesnt make him sound edgey or badass it makes him sound like a dam middleschooler whos trying to prove how grown uo he is by how many times he can say fuck in one sentence. Also your heat on Ned Stark is annoying. What in your stupid worldveiw of ASOIAF was Ned supposed to do? Should he have immediately started a new war with his own allies after the rebellion to out his nephew on thrown? Im sure that would have gone great! Thousands died to put Robert on the thrown im sure all his men would have just said fuck it what are several thousand more lives to take him off it. Not to mention Baby Jon would have likely winded uo as dead as his brother and sister. He also couldn’t exactly let him know as a child given who tells a small child shit like that. Hey kid dont tell anyone this cause people will come and kill you but your the rightful heir to the iron thrown. Yes everybody knows children are just great at secrets. Really the only thing Ned did wrong was not tell Jon when he was an adult. He did do exactly what he promised Lyanna he would do. He protected Jon by keeping his lineage a secret. But yes you MCs hate of his uncle for shielding him and his sister from the certain death that would happen if the truth got out is totally justified. Ned wasn’t perfect by any means. None of the ASOIAF characters are. Its a pretty fucked up world. Its a good thing you gave your MC world breaking suoerpowers and a metric ton of plot armor cause hes not smart enough to survive this world without it. Lets hope his sister is smarter then he is and can actually keep a secret. Maybe shes also smart enough not to develop a hate boner for the one man keeping her safe; and thats not Jon. Also dont know why you decided to dile up Catlyns character and make her worse then cannon. She want really pleasant to Jon in cannon but she wasnt abusive ether. That was the point. She wasnt a terrible person just like everyone else she was flawed. If you hate their cannon counterparts so much then just write their cannon personalities. No reason to dile up your perceived flaws in them to make them more unlikable if you already veiwed them as such. Character bashing in fics suck. Sorry all the charactersin ASOIAF dont have your MCs world bending plot armor and for some reason super powers to make the perfect ending. Im shure if Cannon Ned Stark was secretly an X-Men hed have been able to do better by Jon and sill protect him

I enjoyed your story. It would be fantastic as a comic. Please let me know if you're open to adapting it into a comic format, and we can discuss it further. I will then provide you with all the details about comics.

So much forced plot and a ridiculous amount of filler, 100k words and it feels like nothing has happened, he uses the dragons yet somehow it still secret. Tbh it just cringe. 500k chapters and he will still be hiding dragons and magic and will have almost died or forced some convoluted plot a few dozen times. Yet they all could have been solved with a little magic. You could have removed the cringe frost/fire magic crap and the dragons having 4 feet and made them wargs and explored blood magic and it would have been most realistic and you wouldn't need to force crap.

Another short filler chapter. You could of at least had Ned push on with questioning Robert about Joffreys actions with Tommens cats. This way Ned would get a idea to steer Robert away from thinking of betrothing Sansa to Joffrey, if he takes joy in hurting and killing harmless things.

thanks :)

Awesome

Na, creo que es una historia buena, vas algo rápido pero no está mal lo de ned entiendo tu punto aunque si lo críticas tu porque le pones algo que no va con el libro que es que ned siente algo d odio por ellos por las muertes de muchos algo que no sale en los libros solo que recuerde menciona que se lamenta por la guerra sin sentido lo de como ama a su amigo concuerdo algo al menos, pasi que si lo críticas tu porque eso sale de ti al principio pero no es malo, sigue así amigo espero que le des conclusión o si no al menos avises hay buenas historias que ni avisan jeje.

Bruh, every twin sister in your work is always overpowered. They always start late and surpass the MC. I wonder if you are a female or a submissive beta who bends over for his mistress. Your preference makes your work feel like a pineapple pizza.

Bhai, your OC better not be stupid, unless he wants to shame India.

I noticed that like 90% of the last 50 reviews that aren’t bots, all dislike the shit you’re doing. Stop pulling off nonsense.

He knows about the white walkers. Jesus fucking Christ. They are the ultimate antagonist of the entire story and he read it before in the past. How has he not thought of it at all? You can say that he has forgotten most of his memories, but it’s kinda hard to forget the main fucking antagonist that plan on killing everything and resurrecting them all as zombies. He should’ve been thinking about them since he woke up and figured out what world he’s in. Come on. Stop this nonsense.

See this is why I fucking hate forced plot from authors. We all know she could’ve saved herself when she heard the dragons roar when she was taken. Because the dragon showed up once he got shot with an arrow and he was chasing her on ground. That means she was with an ear shot of the dragons swooping down. Everyone should’ve heard the dragons roar. Her captors should’ve heard the dragons. She should’ve saved herself. But no. You wanted to force the plot and have him meet his ancestors. It’s all stupid. Anyone with half a brain reading this is only going to be thinking about that as they read these chapters.

We just gotta ignore the fact that his sister knows magic and could save herself? Stupid forced plot.