|Reviews for When Things Happen|
| Lord Mortensen chapter 4 . 9/28/2011
| Samhan chapter 4 . 12/5/2010
| karasu337 chapter 4 . 10/14/2009
That whole rant about the Japlish thing... Totally agree.
English stories should only (optionally) include honorary suffixes, greetings, things-that-don't-exactly-translate, and little else (and only if you know what you're talking about). Even if you know Japanese inside and out, including too much Japanese in a English story almost ruins the flow (unless it's written for an educational purpose). Every attempt should be made to find an equally *well-written* English word, phrase, or sentence to fit the context of the story.
I think we would also agree on the point of English dubs. Most of them give a rough translation of a given script without *interpretation*, losing emotion, pacing, and internal meaning, while adding a very artificial, over-pronunciated, 'proper English' overlay. They should at least make it more informal, or conversational, or something that doesn't remind me of 5th grade Grammar class. Many dubs seriously hurt my ears within seconds of listening to them (Mahoromatic being my prime example in mind for this, and that Sonic tH the Movie was atrocious) whereas the big part of them merely end up sounding awkward.
And don't get me started on the topic of *vocal* Japlish!
Alright, enough of my rant, and back to the story...
All I have to say so far is that these chapters seem to be shorter than they should be. Glancing over it again, maybe it's because you follow that convention of having every speaker have their own paragraph. I know that's the proper way to do things, but I just don't think that works in a highly conversational story. But then again, I don't like characters to monologue in conversation either (and I see that a lot in stories), so, umm... never mind.
Oh, and one more thing. Regardless of who you decide to focus on (Keitoko this time around, it seems), please have all characters show steady, or at least reasonable development. Not that you haven't done this so far, but don't over-focus on a particular one or another.
Other than that, I've seen the Keitoko pairing a couple of times, and this one seems pretty good, if not super detailed or elaborate. Not a bad thing though. But with all the stories out there, there are only so many parings that can be made. The thing that distinguishes them from one another in my mind is the circumstances (especially the weird, awkward, and sometimes traumatic circumstances) which brought about the final conclusion. I guess I care more for the journey than the destination. And I wouldn't mind a story starting like this and by the end, having Keitaro be with someone completely different despite the baby.
In other news, I've been trying to learn the language, with relatively little success. I might have to come look at your site. Let me know when it's up, or if it is where it's at. Oh, and you should probably link to this page... japanese/ (remove 2 spaces). That has been my motivation and disclaimer during my journey.
See ya later... Jane.
Who's Jane? And why am I saying bye to her? Nobody special. In fact, that was a poor attempt at humor by trying to say... ja ne.
| HarimaHige chapter 4 . 5/18/2008
What a great story. I like it. If you are out there, please continue this story.
| dennisud chapter 4 . 5/30/2007
The Reviewer wasw right until this chapter.
Now will come the chance to be original.
Oh and it was good only one of the girls became pregnant!
Imagine if there were two!
| Sean Malloy-1 chapter 4 . 11/15/2006
Nice work so far, please do your best to update this story soon
| animedynasty chapter 4 . 3/4/2006
whoa. sweet story ]
it's pretty good...just, you have to resolve the conflict...
did i mention i love kiet/mot fics? _
| dark chapter 4 . 6/9/2005
tsk..that's why i dont like naru..she's such a..better not to say it here..hehe..for the story keep it coming! it's looking great..btw what would be the name of the baby?
| anonymuos chapter 1 . 4/19/2005
how are they going to tell her sister
| anonymous chapter 1 . 4/12/2005
When and how are their families going to be told
| DMage96 chapter 4 . 4/3/2005
Dude, good story so far. cant wait till u update. and thanks for writing for our enjoyment. lol _
| The Brown Gaijin chapter 1 . 2/18/2005
Yes I have read Rainman's Kasumi 1/2 (I know, I know...). Anyways, while the story, and the level of detail is similar, the writing is quite original.
| TirGhost chapter 4 . 1/11/2005
Yep, definatly needs an update one of these days.
| DCWestby chapter 4 . 12/8/2004
Well, I do wish you would continue with this story, so the readers can see where this is going. The cliff hangar you leave is literally on a cliff. What happens next? Finish the story.
| sub-sarissa chapter 4 . 10/8/2004
well, what can i say? that was a great chapter...and indeed a great story thus far. hope to see more of this up soon. good luck.