Let me know if I've missed the mark on any of those."

He missed the chance to mention that the heroes had stolen from her while threatening her in the aftermath of an Endbringer truce.

But ouch. It's a real shame the heroes weren't around to hear Jack patting them in the back for how good a job they've done!

Nice fic. It was an interesting take on Taylor's growing strength & resolve, though a bit heavy handed with everyine being against her at the end. If you do a sequel it would be funny if she ended up taking over the city without trying & getting support from all levels of civilians because she's keeping things safer than under the PRT & New Wave.

Great story: creative, well thought out and rich in detail.

I only wish you dealt with Piggot before you ended it!

Thanks for sharing.

decisions indeed. not the kind of thing i usually like. entire train stations have less railroad than im seeing here. but you've done a rather good job of what your trying for. and while i hate piggott as much as the next person, i think this is pushed a bit further in the extreme than usual. 'neglecting' to inform someone of thier rights isn't the same as outright breaking the law in every conceivable way to get what they want.

great story

that's a cruel cliffhanger on a story marked complete ... i truly love your writing, really, but i hate this sort of thing.

Found this story on Reddit and posted my review there as I forgot after reading the poster wasn't the writer. Here is my review of it below.

Interesting premise with the Wards acting like arrogant teenagers, which makes perfect sense as that is what they are.

Incompetent PRT when it comes to testing is a bit more iffy, as by now they should be far more suited to do such a thing and any that cause issues in that section I could see instantly being relocated out of that job.

Chris's line of thought makes zero sense. It is legit retard level of a person who lives in a fantasy world of their own making. Was this meant to be taken as Chris's mind being either low IQ on top of his math problems? Or maybe how he isn't at all stable and close to snapping?

Having nothing come of that means it is just wasted word fluff outside of showing him to be a untrustworthy idiot.

Glory Girl is a full on retard, I swear why does Fanon always treat her that way? It is like Naruto fanfictions that have Sasuke being evil to the extreme, or Albus in HP secretly being a super mastermind that somehow constantly fails when it comes to a teen despite pretty much ruling over all of Europe magically speaking.

It never makes sense which takes away from the story itself.

No fallout from being attacked by her either, no fallout on the Wards so far or Dauntless. Wtf? Hell it seems even Coil can't make their assaults and horrid nature stick as far as punishment or even bad PR goes.

No, instead he kills her dad and somehow seemingly by magic is unable to keep a safety timeline so it becomes real.

Then PRT and all heroes shit on her saving the day from Leviathan, no backlash AGAIN to the point this is clearly just a story about abusing the MC for personal enjoyment.

How do they blatantly break the Endbringer Truce in the open and have exactly zero consequences? It breaks the entire plot of all Endbringer battles and the entire setup for why so many villains are allowed to escape prison.

Meaning the fallout should be to the point PtV is freaking out. Instead we have... Nothing. Which means the Truce doesn't matter, which means why not attack or steal from people attending?

See the issue with this alone?

Now S9 shows up, ignore the entirety of Brockton to focus on Taylor and fail despite her having no backup or being prepared for this while they should very much be over prepared. For reasons. Then the final scene is Piggot being Fanon levels stupid/criminal along with her underlings.

Look, this story had some promise on the basis of Taylor joining the Ward then leaving because the Wards were dicks about how power being weak but it turned into a angst filled drama with every person but Taylor being a idiot. If everyone but the MC needs to be a idiot for a story to progress at all then it is generally not that good of a story.

Worse still is there is no satisfying ending. No revenge. No bad PR. Not even a single post on PHO about things!

Those are the two main issues. No satisfying ending that should come after the constant bullshit and everyone but MC is dumb and pushy. The worse issue though?

Okay, having ranted let me now give some advice if you are still reading this. The key, the most important thing? Have consequences for actions. That would right there solve a good 90% of the issues I pointed out and really make the story as a whole feel less like I need some anti depression medication.

See to me at least a good story needs ups and downs. It needs resolutions. This story doesn't have that. It is just constant downs with no finish.

This doesn't need to be rewritten at this point, if you made one or two more chapters it could all fit. Have the consequences all fall out in the second chapter with the third being internal monologues of the people being rightly shitted on.

Toss in a PHO to show the average person response to things getting out, and that also makes even more pressure on those that wronged her? It would suddenly feel cathartic as hell. End the story with Taylor winning her lawsuits, being filthy rich, a widely known hero who looks to other parahumans that have 'weak' powers to hire on a team she will now run.

She takes those 'weak' powers and shows the world they are anything but. That any power can be leveraged to hell and back.

Boom! Suddenly the story has a rough start for the MC, things making sense, consequences, works in the MC's favor and goes with the plot in a solid way with a feel good ending.

Please continue this. Ffs it'll stay stuck in my head for the rest of the month.

The Kangaroo court is strong in this one. Just as the typical "unwritten rules are as useless as the EB Truce" thing.

I'd love for the story to tone those down a notch and try to write in more interpersonal talk that really could have happened.

I really like the premise, tho, because having a Tay that is only learning how her powers actually work, like before the time she had to be confined in a mental ward for some time after her trigger (or was it a coma? i don't remember) and only gradually getting to know the full breath of her skills is a nice and fresh thing.

i'd read more of that!

This is neat. Would love to see it continued one day.

ehhh... at this point, I'd say Taylor should just kill every one in the PRT and Protectorate buildings and go travel the world with Shatterbird. Looking all the PRT they came across. It'd serve them right.

I love this in that strange way that even as she's doing everything right, she's getting screwed over. None of that teenage drama where ppl dress up in costumes and try to go 'save the day' even as they hardly know anything. But man I feel sorry for her. I would really like to see this where something goes right for her, the PRT gets their comuppance, and Taylor gets nice house in the woods in the middle of farming country where she can make honey, raise the dogs and help pollinate the plants. And on weekends she goes into town to do her shopping with a side of making more money in the extermination business.

That was good! I liked how you kept the Worm feeling of everything going wrong for Taylor, and did a great job of showing how things might have been different. I liked the little touch of Contessa causing Danny to die, and Coil not caring about it. I liked how Taylor did remain a Hero despite the problems she was given. The only thing that makes me sad is that there won't be more. Overall, great job, and thanks for writing!

I've seen some versions of Taylor go down a dark, dark road before reaching stability. (The epic story "Kill em all" for instance has Taylor go through a lot before she achieves what I will call total victory conditions.)

Hopefully she could meet up with someone like Mouse Protector or someone with Assault levels of common sense. But Worm is a dark-ass world.

Quite a nice story. I really enjoyed it. If you ever continue it, know that you have a fan.