Reviews for Spirit Magic |
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![]() ![]() ![]() And you never continued it. What a shame... it was a good story... VERY good... enjoyed it... |
![]() ![]() ![]() I just want to say that I agree with Harry being OOC. During his first encounter with Kurama, I closed this fic instantly because of this. I only went back because there are no other decent crossovers out there. While you have an argument for it, you forgot Harry is a teenager, and a Gryffindor at that. He doesn't comprehend emotions as objective as you think he would after such a short span of time. If he were drawn to Kurama, he would have expressed it differently. More teenager-ish, Harry Potter-ish. Harry doesn't angst this badly. You underestimate him too; he's been through many times, even a tough, satirically-narrated childhood. The death of Sirius really left a mark on him but not enough for him to "burst into tears." You've misinterpreted his character big time there. |
![]() ![]() ![]() ... and the long-forgotten plot-point of Sirius's body finally returns! I thought you forgot about it. :P Anyways, interesting story. You're very good at keeping the tension high and conflict around every corner. I'd love to see more. |
![]() ![]() Eh... 1 more chapter to decide if I finish what you have... It's a little too choppy, a little too forced, the characters are a little too flat, and the plot is a little too obvious. |
![]() ![]() Question: Why the hell would Harry think Hermione wouldn't be in Defense when there is a war going on? When she is probably on the Top Ten Most Wanted, and the first muggle born on the list? |
![]() ![]() Erm... still going with Harry wouldn't hug a near stranger. Dumbles is stupid, or Sprout is batty, who would work with dangerous plants that can kill with a sound but not put a warning on the friggin door? In labs in High school and college we always had signs on the door when working with potentially dangerous crap. I'm not entirely sure if it was legal to work with some of the stuff we did, but we had fun! :D Gotta love gene splicing in HS. |
![]() ![]() except vs accept Common spell check spelling error #42 |
![]() ![]() Things Hermione would never say: "Well, Kurama is so much more hotter." Read this out loud. Tell me the number of grammar mistakes in it. Then ask yourself: Would Hermione Granger, bookworm extrodinare (hey I do grammar, not spelling), really describe anyone as hot? She would have a more scientific way of describing her attraction. Also, by sixth year, she would have a. be so shallow to be attracted by looks alone, and b. allow her irrational attraction to not be curious enough to ask a load of questions. |
![]() ![]() Hmph... not all slytherins are evil. *glares* Cunning and ambitious. It beats me why the Weasley twins were not Slytherins. I shall sneak into your house at night and change the entire color scheme to Slytherin colors... :P |
![]() ![]() I don't think Harry would accept a hug from a near stranger. Too many people have tried to kill/kidnap him. Especially by the time 6th year started. Not to mention the whole lack of affection growing up thing. Other than the hug thing, which threw me off, it's a good start, not the best, but good. How to make it better? Show don't tell. You already do this half the time, but the other time you tell. It would have been neat to see the meeting between the team and the decision for Kurama... Speaking of decisions, where is he keeping his seeds now? And are you going to play up how he looks similar to Harry? |
![]() ![]() ![]() It's been a good 5 years since you last updated. Sad, really, that you're not able to finish. Since the story has been pretty much abandoned, why not give it to someone willing to finish it? After all, this story has a lot of potential and the plot is original. The relationships between Severus, Kurama, Shiori, and Black is unique. I like it. I just have one question though. Since Kurama's hair is originally red, why doesn't Shiori question it? After all, shouldn't Snape be notified that his nephew has red hair not black like Sirius's? Anyways, consider my suggestion and let someone else continue the story. Just make sure that he/she doesn't abandon it too, okay? Thanks. |
![]() ![]() ![]() this is a really good fanfic. :D it gets more and more interesting and exiting. :D |
![]() ![]() ![]() continuA asi |
![]() ![]() ![]() continuous place |
![]() ![]() ![]() Is this abandoned? It's been a good 5 years now. I really, really enjoyed reading this story though. Like some others said, I usually don't read stories with bad grammar or OC's but you are perfect in your plot delivery, spelling, and keeping the OC's to a minimum while giving them important roles. Pure genius. I had second thoughts about reading this at first due to the length, but after the first 5 chapters I find that I'm terribly sad that it isn't up to 100 yet. You really are an amazing writer. . Thank you for posting this for the public/ yyh/ hp fans to enjoy. ~SpiritM |