Reviews for Written in the Stars
gryffinsdoor chapter 58 . 9/25
Just finished reading this monster and enjoyed it very much. It's fascinating how a JKR red herring name on an image she made for charity somehow developed a subfandom of its own - that Harry is closely related to the Blacks, a fanon idea that apparently has a great deal of traction even after JKR proved it untrue. Regardless, I appreciated your plot ideas and your cast of characters - Cassie, Gellert, and the misfits in particular, but I wondered why the group includes no regular halfbloods besides Harry. The whole dynamic you create at Durmstrang is intriguing and well thought out.
This would be considered a high echelon story for the amateur world of writing that makes up fanfiction, however, you've graduated to professional status (monetizing your work) so you must be held to a higher standard. So how would a professional editor address your work after calling it a good first draft?
First, they would do the same thing you did to "Honour Thy Blood" - cut the length in half. Your characters spend so much verbage on inner dialog that later gets repeated to another, making the first instances redundant. Show, don't tell, as they say. Harry especially repeats himself so often it becomes laughable. Of the years prior to claiming Lordship, only his first and fourth years hold much interest. The others seem to be mainly "rinse and repeat."
Fix grammar/syntax issues. This story is much better than your earlier fics I've read, but I know that you publish at least twice before posting here and have potentially a small army of beta readers at your disposal. You stories should be near perfect by this time, but it's not happening.
A pro editor would also question why Harry is essentially the same character in chapter 3 as in chapter 57, despite all the improvement in his capabilities and gaining additional tools. Another point is that he has become practically invincible before his final matchup with Voldy, everyone agrees he's going to win so there is no anticipation, just waiting for the bloody thing to be over and done with. You do pull one surprise, but it doesn't make sense in your canon because the masters all recognize others' magical signatures, so there's no way Voldy would be fooled by a polyjuiced pretender.
Continuity: The beginning of chapter 2 is perfect example of a totally unnecessary flashback, a device you use frequently, often confusing the reader. Editor would have you eliminate most of those. The timeline after Harry claims Lordship would benifit from you plotting on an actual calendar so you never have to say "a few weeks passed" without knowing exactly how many days it was. The last few chapters are so unclear I gave up trying to figure out the sequence of events. For instance, you mention twice that Narcissa delivers the Malfoy portkey to Harry, yet a lot of stuff happens in between.
I hope you take this as the constructive criticism it was meant to improve the quality of your final product. I was planning on reading "Roses" when you finished posting but the massive word count turned me off. I'll think I'll wait for the rewrite. :-)
Itack23 chapter 44 . 9/25
Well, next chapter is gonna have lots of fighting and (probably) deaths I guess.
Good riddance for Greyback.
Itack23 chapter 43 . 9/24
Been so busy two years ago that I had stoped reading there. Then I began other fics and fell down a few other Fandoms holes. BUT I'm back to finish this story and read the other one that were written since then!
(Would have read on your website but this story isn't there anymore, I'll go there for the next stories!)
Thorgrim Forgiaferro chapter 58 . 9/17
Good job! I follow all you works because they are well written and with amazing plot! Really thanks you!
LucyBlue chapter 13 . 9/17
I love a Harry Black story and was really expecting to enjoy this but he’s become a Gary Stu, perfect at absolutely everything with zero flaws, and frankly I’m bored. I held out for a couple of extra chapters but DNF.
Vladiz45 chapter 38 . 9/14
Finally
Agent Frank chapter 58 . 9/13
Great story and a great ending. I think the first 25 chapters were probably my favorite portion of the story but I did like the last arc as well.
Agent Frank chapter 33 . 9/11
I've read this part of the story before but one thing I have to mention is that during this portion of the story Harry's dialogue became very repetitive.
TheScottishLegend chapter 58 . 9/6
Really enjoyed this story! There isn’t enough Durmstrang fics out there that are this good. Well done!
Jaculus chapter 58 . 9/1
Absolute beast of a atory well written well thought out very good execution your worl build is amazing and it totally pulled me in thank you for writing a very unique story awesome job..!
Not4wesome chapter 58 . 8/24
Another masterpiece (to be expected)
LeoESerpens chapter 58 . 8/24
Another amazing fic! Thank you as always for your continued gifts of writing
Lathea chapter 58 . 8/23
Great story. Thank you for taking me on this journey.
Dscot chapter 56 . 8/22
Without the Salazar snake will the spiders eventually manage to eat some Hogwarts students? I always got the impression the only reason was the snake that they didn’t cross into the schools ground. if they know the snake isn’t. there and they consider humans as we know they do as pray. What stop them from taking little children while they are sitting by the lake?
Dscot chapter 49 . 8/22
I’m confused did he just allow the Malfoy and Belatrix to just leave? He didn’t try to poison them or curse them. Actually deal with them in good faith. He had all three of the worst people with black blood. He should’ve ended them. At least killed as many until they fled.

I mean, if you think about it, Harry is responsible for the deaths as much as anyone else. he knew what kind of a shit Draco was and he allowed him to live constantly when he could’ve just ended his life. Every single death eater that he’s allowed to walk away and kill someone else should be on his hands.
2,714 | « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5 6 13 .. Last Next »