Reviews for Legion of Naruto |
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![]() ![]() ![]() This was a solid world building chapter. Nice that you dole out character growth for your side characters. I always hated it when after becoming allies, the characters seem to weaken massively in terms of power scaling. Nice to see that it is the reverse for the Chiroike clan! Well done. Cheers Keep Writing |
![]() ![]() ![]() Your omakes are amazingly varied! But i love how they are side stories or at least they build off canon. This one was sweet and fluffy and i love how youre hitting all the "hard to reach" spots in terms of fanfiction fulfilment. Sealmaster Naruto. Clone Lord. Uzu village. Uzumaki clan building and saving select folks in Rice Country. Team 7 family. Tsunade and Jiraiya. Various pairings and i think most of all a Naruto who is truly leveraging his relationships and the wider world. Great stuff Cheers Keep Writing. |
![]() ![]() ![]() You crazy bugger. Way to depart from canon. Tayuya and Karin posing as Uzumakis "looking for family". Diabolical. I did not even catch on to it immediately aa i should have until you brought up the "ku ku ku" internal monolgue from them. Well done! |
![]() ![]() ![]() I honestly think thw way you tackled this is very in-line with your story and you dealt with it in a non-canon way which was explosions and space time implosion. So i personally felt this was great. The set up of extra threads is also well foreshadowed and I am looking forward to see how you tug on them. I know the story is finished but just thought you would like some reviews anyway! Cheers Keep Writing |
![]() ![]() ![]() Bro had to stop here to commend you on the pacing of the story. This fic is seriously excellent and i like the maturity of thought being showed by everyone through a few small butterfly flaps. The chief one being Naruto's own sense of initative in training himself and slowly but steadily raising the maturity bar for everyone in his generation. Its really great to say this form of "what if". But man the jokes these characters spout are hilarious. Seems that either you hang out with a lot of military folks or you're former military yourself. The sense of humour is really on point and a tad blase about the dark parts of humanity which for a ninja story or essentially mercenary story, makes a heck of a lot of sense! This makes the story as a whole very readable like a smooth whisky, neat of course without any mixers so that its full on great flavour but does not leave you with a bloated feeling from the mixer. Great stuff! That said, i do think Orochimaru would not have been so easily outsmarted but it does not really impact my enjoyment of the story. Just that you probably have to throw in some spanners from time to time to kick up the drama. But the strength of this story, so far, has been amazing character development, great dialogue and hilarity. Perfectly enjoyable as is. Cheers Keep Writing |
![]() ![]() ![]() This fic is going places |
![]() ![]() ![]() A Naruto that actually takes his training seriously is always a good start. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Hiyo, I return with my final review for what parts I enjoyed about this story overall. You've (probably) seen my other two about Onoki and Kumo already, and it's okay if you haven't~, but this'll mostly just be what I felt about the story overall. Gotta put my brain waves on digital paper somewhere, y'know? First off as I said in my previous ones, thanks a lot for such a good story to read through. It captivated me enough to just keep on reading in my free time, despite having a few other things I (probably) should've been doing~ The way you built up the story and rose Naruto's strength and village bit by bit was very well done. The relationships were wonderfully written, even if some stuff fell on the backburner or was exchanged for silly jokes (mostly Ino demanding to be lewd). But I really felt like the characters could talk to each other and liked each other, even through small interactions. Some were a little sudden, but early on they really checked out. Naruto taking interest in flowers and showing he had some muscle? Early Ino swooned over Sasuke for less, so her getting interested was fast coming and Hinata getting a back bone when it was clear she had a real rival (as sakura did not actually count) was a fun time. But that's just about the lovey dovey relationships; the others you had going were built up well too. The bitter resentment turned into a friendly relationship with Naruto and Jiraiya was well done, along with Kakashi being the one who blew up Naruto's house; seeming, at first, to have been malicious, but really just a kick to get Naruto to do what he wanted to do. What he /needed/ to do. It was a good twist from the rather off-hand way of doing things Kakashi did before. It felt... good. Also I didn't see the reveal coming that it was him, but I didn't really spend too much time pondering it either~ The most I couldn't quite get into was actually his relationship with Sasuke; it didn't feel bad or anything. I just felt we didn't get as much time for them to just interact and enjoy each other's company early on before they were already calling each other brother and teasing Sakura. I guess chalking it all up to what happened with Haku would be alright, but I felt there wasn't too much co-op stuff early. Probably 'cause Naruto kinda left soon after blowing up Shukaku; so there wasn't much time to talk. (As a side, kinda surprised the weird plot of Shukaku telling Gaara to call it “Mother” wasn't brought up, even once! I thought Kurama would tease 'em about that, at least). As I also said before, the way you build up the world by weaving together canon, filler, movies, and your own unique takes on stuff was really neat. Bringing up one-shot Clans and many of Orochimaru's experiments and prisoners for the building up of the nation was really well done, especially as they were never /forced/ to do it. They were saved, healed, then told they can stay or leave. That felt good, though I'll admit Orochimaru taking so long to do something about it felt a little silly at times. But hey, him getting his snakey butt obliterated was a good choice. Still can't believe he got “redeemed” in canon, blah. Maybe filler made me biased with all his filler bases being the plot points, but I felt he was too far gone to get that redemption. Glad you didn't bother, but still gave Kabuto a chance. I felt all his bases and plot points were resolved rather nicely though, with characters like Isarabi becoming a fan favorite. My only real issue was how Kimimaro was taken out instantly. Not that my issue was that he got taken out so fast, but just... I kinda wish Jugo had been able to talk to him, at least one more time. Then again, maybe it was for the best that his last memory of Kimimaro was a good one, instead of some argument. Kinda see where that went elsewhere in the story, hm? Lastly about characters, I wanted to commend the unnatural, yet natural, way you introduced and expanded upon Naruko's creation. While I don't know if it really got explained /how/ she came to be, the way she wandered around, found herself, and then found Fuu was a delightful adventure. She also expanded into her own character really well, being this weird amalgamation of three (or four?) characters into one didn't make her less or more of Naruto after her big sacrifice to save Fuu; which I'm glad had a happy ending. Still, from start to finish, I liked her character. The way she was introduced as just a Danzo bomb, which was amusing, to when she handed the Danzo info to Sasuke was well done in starting up suspense. Heck, the part where they ask Naruko what Naruto's favorite ramen was and she just grins and goes “Naruto loves all ramen” before walking into the alleyway and poofing still sticks in my mind; days later. The way Team 7 instantly got confused and concerned, yet still trusted Naruto, was something that really got me. Dunno why, but then again, I've always had a soft spot for a little mystery and Naruko was a good subplot that became important later on... I also just like the concept of a female Naruto, even better that she became her own thing. I'm also glad that her eventually gaining a “real body” was touched on a more unique way, instead of the blood clone that Jiraiya brings up when she was really introduced to Naruto. Just having an empty spot because she wasn't really “connected” to Kurama made a surprising amount of sense to me, though getting flesh and blood from absorbing a dragon demon did feel a little silly. All that aside, I enjoyed her goofy chaotic nature and it was a shame her getting along with her own demon didn't get much focus. Heck, the demon seemed so childish too; “I want a kingdom! For 1000 years!” What a dweeb. The way major characters were handled over others was a fun time though; particularly Pain felt believable and Deidara turning into an explosive goofball of a follower was a fun twist. It's a shame Itachi couldn't have joined as well, but also a minor shame that Deidara didn't have a moment of remorse for the loss of Sasori. It wasn't an important plot that he was taken out, but a tiny moment for that would have been a nice way to have the others support Deidara a bit more... not that he needed it as long as he had explosions. I think I'm reaching the limit of what I can think to write, so I wanted to end this on a positive note to again say that I appreciate the twists and turns that stuff did take as the story went on. Naruto reaching beyond Kage Level was not expected, but somewhat welcomed the more it came on and while some stories would've made his journey even more bloody, you did so in a realistic way. The characters, the sights, the build up, and even the running gags were delightful. I think you're the only story I've ever read that made Tsunami into such a mysterious yet amusing character. Surprised she didn't get with Naruto in the end, honestly. Sneaking her way in would have been pretty on point. Still, the finale was... well done. While Kaguya ending up with far more emotion than expected was a silly twist, and ended up lovey dovey as expected, I was overall okay with the way she was “handled” in the end. Though how he really dealt with her was a bit confusing on my end, but I don't know the fine details of her silly origin. I'm also glad you kept the dorky “Reverse Harem Jutsu” in as a gag, as it was the best part of their fight. I also hope he learned to make some more durable clones after that... Definitely needed them to handle all those girls... even if they're apparently immortal. The dimensional hopping into other realities is also an amusing idea, one that I would probably get too confused to explore, but totally understand as a fanfiction idea. Twisting worlds together to make sense together is always fun... until the rope of reality snaps. Regardless! Thanks a lot for this story and I hope you've been all healed up from your hand injury and everything! You've got a great style for keeping someone's attention; if anything finding this story after it had already been completed was a bit of a bad, since I felt like just sitting around reading it, fufu. But that's on me. Hopefully this doesn't all end with me turning into a nation building, and ending, monster of a fox, though... I mean, this whole story did just start because Naruto went to the library to read some books! Imagine what this book will do someday~ But we'll see where it goes. Thanks again for the story and of course... Happy writing! ~Yasha-HebiHime |
![]() ![]() ![]() So! I'm here for a second one about how Kumo was dealt with just because I recall this site /does/ have a text limit! If I put my whole feelings in one review, it'll explode into a billion pieces and I'll be sad. So here's how I feel about Kumo! My thoughts on how Kumo was written and turned into a literal pile of dust is... well, surprisingly, unlike Onoki, I felt it was justified due to the horrors that you brought to light in this world. The hypocrisy of their “duty” and “honor” with what they were doing and how they wanted to do it. As usual, and perhaps due to my own bias of how they were in canon, I still felt there was a better way. A way to try to get them to listen. But at least in this case, I felt you did everything that could have realistically been done outside of freezing them and making them talk to each other for possibly several chapters; full on “You're as trapped as Kurama was until you actually listen for a second.” That's about all that could have been done, I think. The whole idea of them breeding Uzumaki and treating them like nothing more than tools is... disgustingly accurate, in a way; that's what they wanted with the Hyuuga and while Karui's actual Uzumaki bloodline wasn't confirmed, I wouldn't have been surprised if that's how it was handled. Can't show that on a kid's show, though, of course~ But B aside, none of them were really treated right by the Raikage, and even B was often at ends with the stubborn man. Genuinely, I was of the same mind of your Naruto; I wish it could've been different, but you did all you could. Overall, I feel that the way they were handled was... justified. Horrible, but justified, especially as it was one of the ones they treated so poorly that ended up pulling the trigger. Even then, he gave the innocents a chance and the higher ups /still/ refused to accommodate even that. The way it was written, they had no one to really blame but themselves... and, well, the little bit of Zetzu that was manipulating their history books, of course. My thoughts on this Kaguya plot forming as the story went on was honestly more thought out than it was in canon. Granted we had to read between the lines on a lot of stuff, but that's pretty typical in a Fanfiction and totally justified! You've already been doing a lot of work building your own world and style; you can't waste time writing stuff we should already know, too! But regardless, I respected your way of slowly giving Naruto bits and pieces to put together with Sasuke in the background; that's more than we got in canon, from what I recall. She just kinda pops up and then we get some info dump about her afterward, it's a little silly. But I digress, I do commend your ability to weave the Kaguya story into your own, though at the same time..! I wish you didn't. Through no fault of your own or anything; you've proven to be creative in the way you handled the overarching plot lines and done it well! But the whole Kaguya plot is such a sour note and so goofy; aliens, trees, ancient plots by a mama's boy who couldn't figure out how to do anything but make people kill each other to get what he wanted. Just silly and I wanted something... more! But what I got was still a fun twist on canon that felt like you really understood what it was really trying to do. So good work.. though I obviously am not done yet. Where will it go!? In 5 chapters, I'll know... and probably not comment on it! I have no love for the Kaguya story, really, but I'm curious enough to see where this ends. That's all I have to really say and I apologize for bloating up this review; I enjoyed your story, though I feel “Legion of Naruto” almost doesn't do it justice anymore. It's how it started, but as it ended.. I feel something like “The Uzushio Revival” or “Uzushio's Legacy” would be better... or, the classic, “Horny Fox Rebuilds a Nation.” Good for upcoming ninjas everywhere~ Regardless! I'll give you my overall feelings in a bit... since I'm kinda just lounging around reading. Hopefully it ends on a good note of peace, instead of this sour and dark one. Look forward to another long and goofy review in awhile, but for now..! Happy writing! ~Yasha-HebiHime |
![]() ![]() ![]() Hiyo, I've been reading this off and on for a few days now after getting a little bit of a fanfiction itch back into my system and I wanted to thank you for such a great story to enjoy! Outside of a few typos and some vagueness in the descriptions, mostly with filler/movie characters, I don't really have much to complain about! It starts off so simple and then expands into a great adventure of setting up an entire nation in a rather believable way, complete with all the different story elements coming together piece by piece. It's only a shame some pieces get dropped to the side, but those that stuck around really stuck with me and improved the story as it went. I appreciate all the stuff you did, as a lot of small things did get a smile or a laugh out of me quite a few times. There's a lot more I want to comment on and now you may wonder why I am reviewing quite a bit before the end of the story to piece all my thoughts together properly and... Well, it's simply due to this chapter; the fall of Iwa's Kage and the dark path Naruto begins to take. I obviously don't know what happens after this point, so it's possible you may end up having thoughts about it yourself later on. But! I wanted to simply comment on how sad it was that this was the solution that you, and Naruto by proxy, came up with when it came to dealing with Iwa. To be blunt, it felt a bit out of nowhere. A threat was understandable, given what happened with Hinata and what Iwa was planning on doing in general. However, I felt that there really could have been another path to take when dealing with Iwa and Kumo; though obviously the latter hasn't been dealt with quite yet from what I've seen. I am sure you've already gone through this before since this story has been done for a bit, nearly a year now!, but I wanted to give my input on it before I reach that ending. With Kurama constantly telling him to calm himself, especially after the Obito fight, I felt like instantly going to demand servitude and murder was a bit far. Kurotsuchi was there; she had experienced his city for her own and with a bit of explaining when it came to Tobi, since she did enjoy his company for some reason, she would understand why Naruto had to deal with him. Grumpy as she was, she wasn't that heartless, and she could see how happy everyone was around him. How the city thrived under him and how strong he was... and if she took a moment to listen, she could have been the one way to get the Tsuchikage to listen for a moment. As bad as he and A are, they still care about those that are close to them and I hope that Killer Bee at least gets a chance to talk before they move onto ... darker themes, again. I'll have to keep reading to find out~ But either way, I felt the dealing with Onoki is probably the first time I shook my head in how someone was dealt with. Obito was close, since it was such a one sided fight, but justified as he was the one who killed Naruto's parents. But while Onoki laid a trap and Hinata was hurt, she wasn't gone. There was still room to find that peace you've had him wish for; but now he's just gone the same path Pain did and I felt like that was a bit against where I felt the story wanted to go. I felt Naruto's philosophy at this point was to be glad the girls escaped and to go back to discussion, rather than full on murder. Especially with someone close to Onoki right beside him; someone he could try to talk to get to understand the man better, instead of vague things from people that only knew of him. Hopefully all that makes sense and I leave no offence~ Regardless! I plan on continuing and prooobably leaving a few more of the things I have enjoyed in a review at the end. Sorry for leaving one big complaint about this one plot point, but I wanted to thank you for the story that's grabbed my attention regardless! There are a whole lot of these points I felt could have been straight from the actual show itself; not quite the ... lemony parts, but the whole rebuilding of Uzushio was something I felt the actual show needed to do and I believe you've done it justice. It would have been great to see the whole city and the many islands getting built up in picture form, but I'll make do with your words forming images in my brain for now and keep going to the end! Happy writing! ~Yasha-HebiHime |
![]() ![]() ![]() They wanted to have a war to end all wars basically |
![]() ![]() ![]() Yeah but you had kamui hacks |
![]() ![]() ![]() You know, I'm actually kind of sad how often people skip over the Gelel Stone movie. The stories that focus on the Uzumaki and ignore it are especially bad. It's a movie about a long lived people powered by a stone that is eventually locked away within a seal. I always wondered if the Uzumaki that branched off from the Senju didn't get their reputation for long lives from coming in contact with the Stone originally. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I know the story is already finished, but as a gun enthusiast I have to let you know... they wouldn't have heard the shot until the bullet hit them. Also, I'm surprised Naruto hasn't created a seal to hide the flash from the rifle. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Am I seeing a Ryoga/Kurotsuchi pairing over this horrid directional sense |