Read the old one and came look for this
Understandable what happened with it, while it was good, very good. It did get a little repetitive. Only commentary would be to focus on everyone's reactions to cypher more, watching a spartan go to town is fun but it gets old quick. I'd love to see him get bogged down in more... Mundane stuff and to change and grow as a character. I've read a good 40% of the crossover fics here and that's what creates the funniest stories

what a fucking simp, massacres men in droves then a pretty little kunt has him talking like hes some noble knight "it is not my sword to take" what a cringey kunt go fuck yourself

Hey boss. Hope things are alright out there. I cannot speak for the rest of your fans, but you are sorely missed here. Looking forward to when you return to this, and to Sins.

So I read up to chapter 54 or something in the original story before I got distracted and put it on hold and when I tried to go back recently to read I realized it was missing and found the rewrite.

Honestly I thought the original was great but if you feel like you needed the rewrite to get past writers block that’s fine.

I’m curious what major story points and character relationships and development will change? I think the story is really fun the action is great I love Cyrus being an unstoppable force that is both extremely skilled as well as geared and augmented.

I like that he runs through the gangs and corporations to try to make Night city and the world a better place but you are right Chamber is really the big force of change if anything is to be really fixed in the world.

That being said I found the original stories parts where we jumped forward in time to various wars and conflicts in other countries kind of jarring and took me out of the story because we stopped focusing on Cyrus, Chamber, V etc and just had random peoples points of view with Cyrus being a background character organizing all of it and I hope you focus more on the local city conflicts more because they feel far more relatable and following Cyrus is the fun part of it all. The wars and change are fine if just focus on his a point of view.

Clearing out the scabs or extremely fucked up hangs and twisted groups while fighting the corpus to make the city better and hopefully stabilizing the US and then the world would be great.

So far the rewrite is fun but a lot feels the same minus a few changes and I like how Chamber is trying to get the bloodhounds early and we get to see Maines gang. Ideally we get some slower scenes too to build relationships and it’s not always fight fight fight because my boy Cyrus needs to live a little and relax Chamber can work on world domination on her own.

Still I’m really curious what major changes are going to be made so I can be kept guessing :)

Good stuff

Is this one dead too?

Just wondering if you were ever going to do a rewrite to incorporate the new lore from Phantom Liberty. Given that the stadium in Pacifica is actually Dog Town.

10/10

I read the first go around of this story (well… part of it, anyway) and it struck me how contrived everything was. Cyrus felt like… a GI Joe action figure someone tried to smash some edgy SIII vibes into. Granted, THIS version of him is a lot more consistent but it still feels like the story is trying to hard to make him seem cool. An interesting (and probably good) change was focusing the story more, I didn’t care much for the supporting cast but I’m not sure that’s a compliment.

But my main issue here is the writing itself. It’s just so… pretentious. Pros are useful and there are times when you write some genuinely good descriptions. The problem is there are A LOT of others where it doesn’t work. It bogs the story down and makes it take more effort to read than it should. Too many descriptors to try and establish EXACTLY what you feel the reader should be inferring instead of relying on your scene building and storytelling to do that for you. Quality writing allows the readers to interpret the emotion and tone in a scene, description, or action.

The other issue with the writing is a carryover from the first version: this incessant NEED to make sure everyone knows Cyrus is the biggest, most important, most terrifying badass around. Not only is it unnecessary, it makes the story feel like the only reason it exists is to be an SI. Compounding that with the whole Gary Su thing he’s got going on… I don’t know, it doesn’t feel like it gives the reader or other characters any agency. This is Cyrus’ world and we only live (or die) in it by the grace of his generosity. There are improvements over the first version and, imo, some regressions. Not trying to be discouraging, I just wanted to give my thoughts.

Its not dead!

re jebathehut
that was the first version that never got finished and this is a remake of i have to say it’s an improvement especially with regards to the other spartan (at least what we know so far)

its a good day today! thank you for the chapter and keep on grinding life!

Nicely done. Wonder what Chamber's plans are for that crew. Looking forwards to seeing more.

good chapter, cant wait for the next

Heh, wrong Author Note

It's cool shit happiness I can tell you right now this chapter was far worth the wait it was bloody glorious and I can't wait to see what happens next so keep up the good work and have a nice day. P.s yeah it do be like that sometimes hope things get better.