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Wtc chapter 2

Loulie - linds

loulie's intro! - rb

AMELIE MAKES ME SO SAD. She’s so sweet and precious, just a girl often lost in her head trying to enjoy life. I am terrified to see her in the Games because it’s likely going to be very tough for her. Also I wonder about her dad so much! Was her Mum lying? Ooh so much to unravel.

Galen also makes me sad…these 12 year olds! While he’s really mature for his age, he’s been forced to grow up too soon and seems to be neglected a lot of the time. His relationship with Lacey gave the impression that he often has to look after her and rarely gets time for himself. And now he’s being thrown into the Games! Poor kid.

First off, what a name! I love the idea of Tyrannus being stolen away in the night and a replacement Career ooh. That might cause some troubles with the Pack if they don’t see him fit enough. Fourth choice?! Seems suspicious to me, I wonder what happened to them. The oath is so cool, such a great addition to your world.

Ooh Verena is a very unconventional Career, not a fan of Reaping Days and very young for the role she’s been placed in. Her heart doesn’t seem to be in it a whole lot, it feels like a ‘I just need to get this over with’. Which I get because she has lived her whole life controlled and this is her chance to win back freedom. She’ll be a fun one, I think, and I’m looking forward to seeing more of her.

Amelie is so precious! I can't! She's probably doomed but she's my favorite anyway. I just want to wrap her in a blanket and tell her everything is going to be okay but it's not.

District Eight seems like such a harsh place, which tracks in canon. Galen seems like quite the little realist, which is such a fun contrast to Amelie, who has her head in the clouds. His reaction to being reaped and Laney's reaction to hearing him get reaped was so sad!

District Two let's goooo!
Hi Tyrannus! I'm still in love with that name.

Hi Alaric!

Yo, he just got compared to Veri? That's an ouch. Ooh! So something happened to the other volunteers? His mother seems so proud. I wonder if she had something to do with it.

The oath he swore is so epic. The military vibes of Career districts are so interesting.

"He thought of his soon-to-be district partner and wasn't sure whether to shiver or laugh at the thought of standing back to back with her" LMAOOOOOOOOOO! Yeah, I know Tyrannus, she's a menace to society, I know. It's okay.

Hi Verena! My wild child!

Wow, she's not having a fun time, is she? Tribute Day is literally her personal hell. The moment she's on that train, she's ripping that ponytail out, I guarantee it lol.

I love her so much! How can one be so precious and vicious at the same time? It's just not possible!

Aww... Her dad's giving her some fatherly advice. "Don't ignore your allies" seems like something obvious but this is Veri.

It makes sense that she wouldn't know Tyrannus that well, considering she's not really a people person. "She knew that people seemed to spend as much time laughing with him as they did laughing about him." OOF!

The way the wild is calling her! OMG!

That last couple of lines hit so hard! You did so good with my girl I'm so happy!

First of all, i love your profile name. Go Manatees! Second, interesting start to the story. I’m not sure what direction it’s going in, but can I hop in? Looks like the District 1 Male slot is open? Still looking for submissions?

I love your writing so much! It's so engaging and just brilliant.

Loulie as a character is really fun. I enjoyed reading about her relationship with the Academy and with the Games in general and this was something done really well through the use of fans and showing the honour that comes with it. I'm also really intrigued by her and Maisie so I hope you end up exploring that more!

MACK IS PERFECT! Thank you for writing him so brilliantly. The traditions surrounding the reaping were so fascinating and interesting to read about! I also loved Mack and Loulie's interaction at the end, I'm think they'll get along at least for a little while.

This was such a great chapter, well done.

This prologue is brilliant! The prose is beautiful and it really brings you into the story. I can’t wait to see what you do with my kid!

loved this chapter! i think both of these guys are in over their heads but for diff reasons.

loulie has this string of death haunting her, and she's only 15 which i know is allowed for volunteers in your verse but like she is an entire 6 years younger than me and i hardly feel prepared to commit to a murder contest. anyway, she's a sweet kid. i take it she's going to be tormented by this maisie chick for a long time and that'll possibly f her over.

mack is definitely a realist and i don't think his heart is 100% in this whole career thing, which could be an issue down the line. then again, d4 is less serious than 1 & 2. i loved seeing how the reaping is celebrated in a place where two volunteers are expected - they didn't even bother drawing any names. i think these two could be cute friends tbh. if their brief interaction is any indicator, they could mesh well for sure.

excellent work my friend! looking forward to the next duo :heart:

Loulie seems like fun! I don't know why but I love the fact that she's shorter. There's something about smaller Careers that are so much fun!

Her interaction was both sweet and chilling. Like, they have such a cute sibling dynamic but something about reenacting murder with your siblings. I like that dynamic!

Mackerel Valerian! What! A! Name! I love it!

Reading the first few paragraphs of his story, it seems so sad. That speech from the mayor is kind of epic though. The entire reaping was pretty cool to read. Mack's heart doesn't really seem to be in it though. It'll be interesting to see how his journey goes!

Ooh! This intro hits hard! It portrays the Careers pretty well! This was an excellent snippet!

This was a wonderful chapter and I loved reading both of the POVs! I think it was very interesting to see the citizens all holding signs and wearing paint that represents and shows off their favorite Games and victors! This is overall such a creative concept and I'm looking forward to seeing more! Keep up the great work!

Definitely excited about this idea! I have two careers I have been dying to send to stories that are characters I hold dear and well to my heart and you’re looking off to a great start; I see myself wanting to submit!

~ Paradigm

I absolutely love the idea of this and you did such a great job with this prologue. Super excited to see how it goes! Keep up the good work!

It's decently written, if a bit flowery with the prose. The main issue is that I have no idea what your story is even going to be about. "We wanted more" is apt because there really should be more to this than a vague description of a district somewhere in Panen where kids play in the snow and pretend to kill one another. Also, keep in mind that this is 22nd games - there should be a lot of changes by then, otherwise what's the difference between it and the 60th for example?