Reviews for Unexpected Partners
Ren chapter 2 . 11/7/2004
I love it! I a Schwarz love too. That was so very COOL. RenlovesSchwarz
Ren chapter 2 . 11/7/2004
I love it! I a Schwarz love too. That was so very COOL. RenlovesSchwarz
dyllan chapter 2 . 9/2/2003
wow cool, dude that was great cant wait to see next chapter
Neros-Wolf Gundam chapter 2 . 8/20/2003
Ok, I know it took me a long time to get around to reviewing this. But I've been busy with Marching Band and all the past month. But the improtant ting is that I'm reviewing it now.

So far, I haven't seen any mistakes. But that's so far. I'll look back over it to see if there is. But I doubt there is since I would have caught them the first time over.

The love scene, in my opinion, could have been it's own chapter, and longer. You could have put in some tantlizing and juicy details about Syd, and about Schwarz. You know, what they looked like, how they moved, what they thought of how each other looked.

*these are just ideas off the top of my head*

But this is just my opinion. The whole consept of making the love scene a seprate chapter will boost the suspence. Also, explaining pretty much what is going on will help make a better pictuer of what is going on in the readers mind.

I got a pretty good picture of what they were doing at the moment in the story, but it was alittle fuzzy, from lack of detail. If you ever pick up an esticy romance novle. You'll notice alot of detale, and a very good picture of what is going on.

Another thing that I have noticed is that, from when you made The Love Of Gundam Fighters, to now. Your writting has deffently improved. Which is, of couse, good. But like most young writers such as most of the writters on here, we still have a long way to go. But you are geting better.

I'll try to read more and review more offten on this on but with alot going on right now, I doubt I'm going to get alot done. If you want to know what's been gong on go a head and email me. I just wish not to talk about it on here.

~Neros-Wolf Gundam~

A serene state of mind is a clear heart without ill feelings or a guilty conscience. It gives one the ability to surpass his own skills.

Schwarz Bruder - Mobile Fighter G-Gundam
Farore the Oracle of Secrets chapter 2 . 8/9/2003
Oh, whoa! Hahahaha! Schwartz dancing a little wierd. The title of the chapter is just perfect for it! Hahaha! Yeah school start in a few days. And I don't want to go yet! Well I'll see ya in two days. Update soon.
Chikita chapter 1 . 8/8/2003
I completely love the plot its so new really update soon.
Fire Sage chapter 1 . 7/25/2003
I like it. I think it has a lot of potential. Update soon!
Farore the Oracle of Secrets chapter 1 . 7/24/2003
Awesome not dirty but awesome. Not really what I was hoping for. Sorry! Schwartz being in the FBI is funny though! Mwahahaha! Please update soon! Or else I'll give you a miserable time at school! Mwahahaha!
Rocky chapter 1 . 7/22/2003
OMG! This is so Good! I think that u should really update asap! I only review for stories that I like so UPDATE!
Neros-Wolf Gundam chapter 1 . 7/20/2003
Ok, I liked it. I liked the plot and everything... But... (everyone thinking "oh god there is always a but")

But I saw a few spots where you forgot to add letters. Example:

*“You’ll be the prince who saves me.” She said smirking at him. Se sore that she saw him blush a bit. He started to turn around and walk out the door when Syd called to him.*

Se sore, I'm sure should be, She swore.

*She had on a red dress that was short at the bottom and hugged her body so good that it would make any guy drool.*

I think that instead of using good in this sentence, Well would be a better term, but this ain't my story, thats just what I think.

* * Then why did she ask my to she ask me to save her? * *

I see some confusion here as to what you are trying to say. Maybe if you tried this line

* *Then why did she as if I would be the one to save her?* *

This is just my opinion. These are just some of the things that caught my eye away from the story line. Again, it was a good plot and everything. But it's little things like this that sort of destract you away from the story.

Trust me, there is no way i am exempt from the mistakes. I'm sure if I went though all my stories I would find tons of little mistakes like these. Everyone misses them sometimes.

The best thing that I can suggest to catch some of them is to (1. Proofread all the chapters your self if you already don't (2. Have some one go though and see if there is anything that catches their eye. *even I do this* or (3. See if your word processer has a gramer checker and such like that, and see if it can pick up on any of these mistakes.

Not every one has the 3rd so I can understand where some mistakes slip. My best friend has to deal with a program that dosen't even have a spell checker, let alone, a grammer checker so I know how it can be.

I know this review has gotten longer then I had expected but, hey, if it means it will help someone out, then by golly I'll do it.

I can also see in some of your stories that your getting to be a better writer, *Practice makes perfict.* gee how many times have us all heard this. But it's as true as the day is long.

I'll keep watching this story as it develoups and give some hints for ya. I also hope that you looked at the e-mail that I sent you about the time-stamp, it is a little help that you can use for this story since it is a Quote-Unquote Cop story.

Man, I looked back at how long this is and the last time I got a review this long, someone was dising my writing. Oh well, I hope you get a lot better cause you show some good talent in writing. I can't wait to see the next chapter.

~Neros-Wolf Gundam.~

A serene state of mind is a clear heart without ill feelings or a guilty conscience. It gives one the ability to surpass his own skills.

Schwarz Bruder - Mobile Fighter G-Gundam