|Reviews for Within Holy Walls|
| Basil chapter 16 . 5/13/2008
What the hell, man...
Around chapter 15 or so, all quotation marks for dialogue simply disappeared. I mean, it's a good story and all, but the lack of necessary punctuation makes it hard as hell to read.
| FiercesomestDragon chapter 4 . 11/23/2007
I know it's been a while since you've written this, but I still had to review and let you know how much I'm enjoying your fic. Reis is so much fun to read! -
| ChaoticRetribution chapter 33 . 3/13/2006
DAMN its good...quite inspiring...
Ah well, one way to put it: untouchable. Can't say anything more: spotless work, spotless grammar, spotless description. Everything in the right amounts. Smashing character developments, the storyline OWNS all that I've seen so far...I think it would be futile for me to try and supersede you in my version of an epic.
| Shyro-Kun chapter 32 . 2/7/2006
this is definitely my favorite story ...
its so well worded and written...
so dramatic and emotional, i think i need to cry... haha...
anyways, this is a really great story... okay i should stop repeating that...
i really like how you... written it in general. i read this story like a year ago and i finally gotten around to review it since ... yeah...
but this is a really ogod story... and im being repetitive... oh well...
i hope you keep on writing and if you want to make a sequel to this (though technicaly you did) i would read it within a heartbeat... or faster realy...
this is probably the most informal rating you gotten but ... ... yeah...
i hope you continue writing... because youre so inspirational! :)
| Cloner4000 chapter 24 . 11/27/2005
Whe, I really like it. Perhaps one of the longest one I'll ever read, but I like it becuz it's long. Great use of words.
| Killiko Jun chapter 1 . 9/23/2004
I knew your name was familiar, but I couldn't quite place it! Now I realize you're the writer of my favourite(only one in existence) story of Beowulf and Reis! Fantastic work and the ending was excellent. I particularly enjoyed how you portrayed Izlude and his sister, even though we are all aware of his demise. The depth you added to these two characters made me appreciate them more, and it's interesting how you added personality where the game didn't have so much development. :)
| Samuraiter chapter 3 . 8/30/2004
This will be one of my first reviews to use my new (CPESHO) system. For each criterion (except Heart, which gets either a positive or a negative), I will award a rank (F, E, D, C, B, A, or S), and I am very stingy when it comes to the high ranks. Most authors are going to fall between F (failing) and C (average). This particular review is up to date as of the first arc (Chapters 1 to 3) of the story.
CHARACTER - B
It is unusual for a writer to jump off the main story of the game and dive into the Cloud Quest (which might as well be a game unto itself, considering how involved it is), and it is more unusual to work with characters like Beowulf and Reis, whose story is only a small part of the Cloud Quest. I normally have trouble rating a story that is written almost entirely in the first person, but you are able to do it consistently and well, and it gives me a good idea of the type of person that Reis is. For the other two main characters, I am only getting the same first impressions that Reis gets, but - I do not know how to explain this, exactly - all of the events that Reis encounters have almost a sinister feel to them, but that may only be because, as a reader, I know the truth about Glabados. One minor note: If High Priest Funeral is in his seventies at the onset of the Fifty Years War, how old is he during the events of the Lion War?
PLOT - C
At present, it is too early in the story for me to pass judgment on the plot, but the way you are setting it up is clean, neat, and orderly - easy to follow, easy to trace. I look forward to seeing where you take it, considering that information on Beowulf and Reis in the game is rather sparse.
EMOTION - B
The intriguing thing about Reis and those she encounters is the LACK of emotion that she has as compared to what they might be feeling. Young Beowulf comes across as being genial and good-natured, though I almost expected him to be working with the thief that he caught. Verden is more ... I do not know, but he has that 'sinister' note I mentioned above, like he is hiding the whole truth from Reis. You manage all of these characters well, especially considering that you have to do it all through what Reis sees and feels (or, more often, does not feel).
STYLE - C
- 'and, especially, because' in place of 'and especially because'
- 'are, as well' in place of 'are as well'
- 'cataloguer' in place of 'cataloger'
- Do not use commas in 'either-or' statements
- Do not use the ellipsis (...) to trail off
- 'rare sight, since' in place of 'rare sight since'
- 'self-consciously' in place of 'self-conciously'
- 'Square Enix' in place of 'Square-Enix'
- 'talk about, nowadays,' in place of 'talk about nowadays'
One item of style that is difficult to describe briefly: When a character starts speaking again, and they start speaking in a new sentence, make sure to capitalize the beginning of that sentence.
HEART - :-)
As you know, this is something that you either have ... or you do not. Thus far, you do.
OVERALL - B
Considering that FFT came out in 1996, I almost have a hard time believing that this story was written in 2003. It feels like it ought to be one of the 'old' stories, the fanfics that were written to capture the spirit of the game when it first came out. My only gripe: The dialogue occasionally feels a little too modern for the setting, but then, I am not expecting you to throw out 'thees' and 'thous', either. I still have quite a bit to read, but I like what I see, so far.
| Cyrus22 chapter 9 . 8/28/2004
First of all, I'd like to commend you on an excelent work, It's by far one of the best pieces of literature I've read. The true purpose of this review/note is to ask you to check out chapter nine, because when I clicked on it, it sent me to chapter 19, but the explrorer drop down thing still recognizes it as chapter nine, Riovanes Sweets. I'd appreciate it if you looked into this, because I really would like to have the full reading experience from this story. Thanks in advance,
| Raid and Ruins chapter 36 . 8/27/2004
I've been meaning to read this last chapter for some time but I never got around to doing it. I'm glad I did, though, because this is a great ending to a great series. You portray the characters very well, reaching into the depths of their mind to find out what they might say or how they might react to something. Congratulations for completing this fanfiction, and I look forward to more.
| MavGunloc chapter 36 . 8/22/2004
When everything is at its peak sadly we must realize that all good things come to an end. *tear*
All right, let’s talk business. Sigh, why did this story half to begin with my most hated feeling in college? I swear I felt like it was the beginning of the quarter all over again. Brilliant portrayal of emotions. I was feeling it every step of the way. It ended with a very interesting introduction to the great Beowulf Kadmus which I thought was very nicely done. It kind of reminded me of one of those television programs in which you get the joke right before the commercial break. As always your stories really pull a reader in right from the start. Your style has easily become one of my favorites.
At first I was kind of wondering how the second scene fell into place and after reading on I was rewarded with a very pleasant surprise. Very interesting method used to convince Beowulf to turn towards an educational leaf but I wonder if should have been harder to try and convince Beowulf to become a teacher since being a knight was his calling. Mind you, I’m not at all disappointed. I am a fan of Straczynski’s turn on Spider-man and making him a professor instead of a photographer. I’m just wondering if it would be harder to convince a science nerd to turn into a professor than a knight. Nice ending line in that scene.
Another thing that caught my eye was how much Beowulf was pining for Reis. Yea I know I know I might be nit-picking because of my own personal experiences but honestly I wouldn’t go so far as saying it was terrible. Quite the opposite in fact. You did a great job in capturing his emotions and feelings at every moment. I can understand how much Beowulf cared for Reis (as if the rest of your marvelous story was any indication) and it was good to see that she was still fresh in his memory and not tossed away like yesterday’s news. A lot of people fail to do this when trying a unique pairing but here you are again… Always great and full of astounding surprises. Bravo!
The dream sequences were very intense. I liked it. I wish I could see dreams as clear and vivid as Beowulf but then again we only know what we see in our dreams from our memories and mine is on the south side of awful. Tis a shame that all of his dreams only bring up his favorite memories. Ones that he’ll never forget. An excellent way of portraying his thoughts in another light. I like it.
It was really… Really hard for me to continue reading the story; especially when the “I don’t love her
| MavGunloc chapter 35 . 8/19/2004
Hey there, me again. Yea yea I won’t bore you with another introduction, let’s get down to business.
Very nice opening with Izlude. Now there’s a character I respect. I liked how you portrayed his feelings while using the sword and whatnot. His character has a very interesting past and I’m glad to see you go into it with that lovely writing style of yours. I had to remind myself that you were doing this in 3rd. Sometimes I can almost feel as if you’re writing in 1st again but nevertheless, you never fail at continuing to amaze me. The story got even better when I read the scene between Izlude and Meliadoul. It sounded to me just how two siblings would act and speak towards one another. That was brilliant. Even better was when Izlude was becoming depressed. I don’t think anyone could have captured such poignant emotions like that out of the 1st person perspective.
The scene finished splendidly. Even though Izlude had a talk with a sibling he still was uneasy about what lies ahead. Excellent job.
I was surprised when I read over the next scene since here we have a fainthearted young man hoping to find faith in himself and instead needs self-reassurance before venturing off into danger. I was surprised in reading your direction on this one. I would have thought Izlude would have initially turned down the offer and talked to his sister about it. Very bold move here. I believe it worked. The way you wrote it makes Izlude seem like he’s trying to be his own man but not breaking out like some 13-year-old with a full shot of hormones. Even as the men talked about him behind his back it seemed that his character stayed true. Very nice portrayal.
Sorry for chunking up the first two parts but the introduction to the story is what really draws me in and as always you’ve got me hooked. I liked the scene with the bartender. Anyone else could have turned this from a really nice and short scene to a disaster. You kept it short and sweet. Genius. If you played it out too long readers, like myself, may have gotten bored. NPCs are cool but their usefulness runs up real quick especially in fan-fiction. Exceptional work.
Alright I think I’ve written enough about the stuff I’ve liked. I bet you’re already tired of me praising you over and over again. Time to wrap it up. I really liked how this whole story turned out. Here I was expecting this to be a one shot fic with the ultimate fate of our rising hero Izlude and instead we are treated to a sweet and inspiring story about this young man and the fate that awaits him. Excellent story. Adding Reis towards the end was also a nice touch. I received a better perspective on how Izlude deals with the opposite sex that is not related by blood. Very nice job.
All and all this was a great story. I really enjoyed it a lot more than the previous one but mostly because I’m a pretty decent Izlude fan. Any man who would is badass in my book. I’m really impressed with your work to this date. The only real crime is the fact that you haven’t been published yet. Take it easy and you know I’ll be around for more of your iridescent works.
| The Blasaoflurqm chapter 36 . 8/14/2004
Back for a bit, though I still won't be doing much on for a couple of weeks yet.
Eh, no Zodiac Braves during Velius? I coulda sworn that Cid was one of the characters I used in that battle, and that I had the double knight swords on Ramza... unless, of course, I'm mixing everything up with a later part of FFT. And yes, Dycedarg sucked.
Sometimes I ditch Cid for a monster or someone/thing like that, because it's no fun sometimes due to TG's overpowered-ness. Same with my Calculator, too, but it's more fun to play around with that. Not counting Beowulf, Meliadoul, and Cid, the two "special characters" that I like most are Mustadio (he's awesome as a Chemist - try it!) and Agrias (although both she and Meliadoul are switched to backup power after you get Cid). I should try your Reis thing one day - because she's only around a level or two higher than Malak and Malak's sister (why can't I remember that name?), and that's fifteen levels or so lower than my Ramza.
Yeah, I figured that about the Alpha-Omega thing. I'm sorta fascinated about all the alpha-beta-omega stuff floating around, actually, unless someone uses that really badly in a fanfiction. That's not referring to you, of course. And, you must be a FFT scholar or something, because the Kletian thing completely slips my memory. All I remember about Time Mage battles is that one gallows fight where over half my team was Slowed on the first turn.
And, the Orpheus reference also leads me to believe you are extremely interested in Greek legends and Greek... things (the alpha-omega thing too, and the Psyche reference, and all that too). Don't worry, I'm strange like that too. I'm slightly obsessed with Latin words and English langauge roots.
Again, very touching and realistic portrayal of Beowulf during the time after WHW and before the storyline of FFT. And, although this is random, thank you for helping me remember how I got Beowulf. I had no memory on how I got Beowulf into the party and I barely remember a Holy Dragon fight for Reis, so... eh.
Agrias, when written well, can be one of the most engaging and interesting characters in FFT fanfiction, so I was somewhat glad that you added in a sister for her and some history and background on the Oaks. Also lends a sense of... a big colliding predestiny where some God is pushing around events like chess pieces, because, as we know, Reis meets Agrias after she gets turned back into human form.
Gotta go now, so hope to read future stories of yours!
| Hawkie chapter 36 . 8/14/2004
Omg, it's over ;_;! I love it. I love it all to bits. Yes I do. *nodnod*
Hey, you know what? I found some weird coincidences with some of the names XD like Ellyce and Cecilia(the maid). Ellyce's nickname is Elly, which is the nickname of the lead female in Xenogears, which I have beaten. And Cecilia is the name of the lead female in Wild ARMs... which I have also beaten. *amused* It would've been sorta scary if there would've been a girl named Rena in it*laughs*(Rena-lead female character in Star Ocean: The Second Story, which I have rented for the following week).
As for your upcoming FFT works, I'm definitly looking forward to reading those. (In the meantime, I should hurry up and finish For A Guardian Angel's Memory X_x;) Good luck to the both of us, I guess. *thumbs up*
| Luna Crescent chapter 36 . 8/11/2004
I didn't have any idea what sort of life Beowulf would try to make for himself, but this all seems typical of him. He did make a pretty good teacher, too. Then the rest, of course, is history.
I've finally gotten my game back and am replaying it. I'm currently at the end of chapter two, and I've found that getting a Summoner early on is very, very helpful. I have Bahamut, and thus am content.
Otakon was great, mostly because I got to meet up with a bunch of friends. The concert was the highlight of the weekend, and I'm still carrying a grudge for half of my group skipping out because of the long line. "If it was Gackt, we would have been there." And I'm not a raging Gackt fan, so that just didn't mix well. However, it was awesome seeing L'Arc live. You can pretty much find reports anywhere, but it was extremely cool and deserving of the attention. I successfully made fans out of my friends that did go with me. My love for Hyde now knows no bounds.
I guess I'll be seeing you in the next fic. ;
| TobyKikami chapter 36 . 8/10/2004
Gee, I'm flattered. Now for the fic...
I liked the opening - you seem to have a knack for twists in the last line. The explanations for what happened to Aquarius and why Beowulf has so few abilities learned when you get him were nifty, as were Wiegraf's cameo and the bit about water signs.
All in all, it was good - kind of a quiet ending, and a very satisfying one. And... yeah. That's it.