|Reviews for The Doctor: Prequel to The House on Haunted Hill|
| Guest chapter 2 . 4/3/2013
Chicken wings and fries in 1909?
| Selene chapter 2 . 5/27/2008
I like where this is going and if you continue to write I will be pleased to read more of it.
I would also like maybe to start a story with you, if you want. you can contact me at:
| Nenshite chapter 2 . 4/21/2007
Very, VERY nice. Please update soon!
| Kals chapter 2 . 2/16/2005
Great that you write about that mowie, I think that it is quite good and keep it up, there is a lot of inspiration in that particular mowie because the past of the house is not described very it, greetings from Kalsø
(by the way I do not think prequel is a word, perhaps you mean prologue).
| Yaoi Mistress Little Washu chapter 2 . 9/21/2004
How stupid do you think your readers are?
We know what a fecking typewriter is!
Paragraphs are your friends. Don't be afraid of them.
| NotJustAnotherVillain19 chapter 1 . 6/12/2004
First of all- I need paragraphs! Please! Please! Paragraphs are your friend! When you chunk it together like that it deters readers and makes it harder to read altogether. Also, watch what you capitalize and what you don’t. There are several places to add commas to. Proofreading will help catch weird phrasing. Watch out for missing periods! Watch for varied ‘there, their’ spellings.
I don’t know why you call him Mr. Vannacut, why not use his real name or just Vannacut? It makes the story seem way too informal. Watch some repetitive phrases (beginning of chapter 2).
When is this story taking place? Add that detail to the beginning. I believe this should be in the early 1900s? I doubt of they served chicken wings and fries for lunch. The story follows the two playing baseball and hanging out then going to bed. Where is dinner? It seems too short of a day. The paragraph first paragraph needs a lot of work. To me it feels like you are really rushing the story. One sentence Price and Vannacut are heading to their rooms, then the next sentence is two weeks later. Space it out some!
Work on quotations. Usually they are paragraphs in themselves.
Why would he need a citizenship if he studied in the US, and practiced medicine (psychology) in the US? Please explain how and why Vannacutt think of the townspeople as butterflies on sunflowers and hyenas. It is completely out of place.
'Strange' and ‘demons sprung from Hell’ are two completely different things- compare apples and apples, not apples and oranges. You want to describe more of the surroundings and people. I am let in the dark about what the building looks like and what the people look like. Descriptions make a flat story round!
I think you’re on a good track here, but you need to work on proofreading, quotations, and paragraphs. Offer some insight to how Vannacut becomes insane. I offer only constructive criticism in hopes it might aid you in your story. Best of luck in all your future writings!
| Seer99999 chapter 2 . 4/23/2004
Hope you'll write more to this story.
| DemonaHHH chapter 1 . 2/15/2004
Prequel to H? Love the idea. I see very few fanfics for this movie as opposed to Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th, the things I read most often of on here. House on Haunted Hill has got to be my favorite horror movie, it's the one that got me further into these types of things afterall. Your take on what Vannacut was like in the early days is interesting. Keep up the good work.
~Demona Triple H~
| Amelia Mangan chapter 2 . 11/1/2003
You've got the germ of an interesting idea here; a story exploring what made Vannacutt, well, Vannacutt is a story that's definitely worth telling. There are, however, a number of problems, which I hope you won't mind if I outline:
Firstly, the style needs a bit of work. The story is hard to read in those big chunks of text, and that's something that tends to discourage people from reading on; try breaking it up into more manageable paragraphs. Spelling and grammar needs work, too, as does much of the detail; I'm all for detailed writing, but it has to be done with a light touch, discarding anything that isn't significant (unless it'll figure into the story later, we really didn't need an explanation of what it is the emergency exit window does. Oh, and you really don't need to explain what a lobotomy, a typewriter and a "human vegetable" are, either; you should assume that the majority of us already know.)
Secondly, there are quite a few anachronisms on show here. Remember, Vannacutt was about forty or so in the 1930s; therefore, this story would be set in around 1910 or so, and people (of Vannacutt's upper-class stature, at least) simply didn't say things like "buddy" or "pal" back then (or eat fries, for that matter). It never hurts to do a little bit of background research when you're writing a story set in a certain era; it lends a lot of credibility to your story.
Thirdly, I really think we ought to see at least some hints of Vannacutt's burgeoning darkness here. While I like the idea of starting the story with him as a different kind of person from the sadistic monster we're familiar with, I find it hard to believe that he was _all_ sweetness and light before becoming head of the Institute. Nobody becomes a monster unless the seeds for such a transformation are planted early, and planted deep. Hopefully, he'll reveal those depths later in the piece.
I really hope I haven't come off sounding too harsh here - it's not my intention, honest! As I said, you have an interesting concept (one which no other author on this site has, so far, tackled); and there's some touches I liked, such as Vannacutt's bizarre mental images associated with people he's met ("marsupial butterflies on giant sunflowers and laughing hyenas"). It's just that I really would like to see you continue with this story and execute it as well as you can - for the benefit of your readers, and yourself as a writer.
| marina eys chapter 2 . 10/23/2003
great story so far!
| intheboonies chapter 2 . 10/3/2003
cool cool cool. plot flows well,great intros. cant wait for the next chapter
| Wolfywoman chapter 1 . 8/16/2003
This was awesome! Please continue soon!