Reviews for Liona's Quest
linagabriev chapter 20 . 3/27/2005
(Chapter 19) [The lake dragon broke the smooth surface of the water.] Waitaminute are they just sitting calmly while a dragon appears? Again I ask, am I missing something here? I know later Liona ended up slaying it, but why didn't anyone attempt to do that before?

[Blake nodded. He leaned over and whispered, "Want to know a secret? I am too."] I have to admit this seems a bit farfetched. When you want to introduce something as important as this, clues are needed and are nice for the reader to fully believe it.

["Easy- I didn't want to get caught for stealing."] If his life was at risk in Liona's world that wouldn't exactly be the smartest idea to come back. Why didn't he go to one of the two other worlds then?

["I've died at least four times already. My first was when I flew off a horse into a raging river, down a high waterfall, and hit my head on a rock."] When were the other times?

(Epilogue) [What was left was about fifty or so copies.] ::sweatdrop:: um... Also if Angelina could just send Mazolina's spirit back...WHY DIDN'T SHE DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Alright my overall assessment of this story. Pretty good. The ending was a bit of a downer seeing as the curse was never actually ended just annulled or cancelled. Liona never actually fell in love with anyone. We don't know if she actually had the courage to go back. And why in the world was Angelina allowed to send Mazolina's spirit back. I mean they were both sent with orders from L-sama, and Angelina made it so Mazolina couldn't accomplish those orders. So really the entire ending totally disregarded what happened in the first story. (The curse, and the fact that through all the stuff Lina and Gourry had to go through to save their daughter, they didn't see her at least what was seen in the ending)

Next, my overall assessment of the entire series? I saw a definite improvement in your writing. I disliked the very beginning, probably because of the large connection to Inner Beings, and then I absolutely loved the beginning of this story, but alas I was disappointed with the ending. Still pretty good job.
linagabriev chapter 18 . 3/27/2005
{Chapter 17) Hey is Cheat supposed to be a spin off the game Bulls* from 'How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days'?

[“I once had an amazingly high fear of mice, but I deteriorated that fetish a long time ago.”] What so every Inverse is afraid of an animal?

As for name thing for Akuma, I just remembered you said it means devil. Sorry about that.

(Chapter 18)[You know /why/ she was spared that day, though? It’s simple- L-sama knew you were coming.] Actually as far as you been explaining everything so far, this can't be true. The real reason I thought because of that little clause if you will, in the book saying that if someone who truly loved the caster, she would be freed from her obligation to be with L-sama. That's the whole reason why Lina didn't have to go with L-sama in the former story.

[“I-I-I won’t be-lieve it. M-my mommy never lies to me, a-and s-she never told me about killing Hellmaster.”] Well that's not considered lying. Just keeping her from the truth, probably unintentionally.

[“I have no family – war has killed them. I have no friends- war has killed them.] Um..um..what's going on here? What was awakened inside her?

[“I need everyone to bring their warmest feelings for Liona to the surface; clearly concentrate on them for the next few minutes.”] Wow that seriously has to be giving the Mazoku in the room a headache. Too many good emotions. o_O

[Just then, Liona glowed a warm gold, but it vanished just as soon as it appeared. Lina pulled back an arm’s length to study Liona’s face.] Wait did the curse just wear off? I thought the love can't be parental.

[“Amelia’s place, huh? Okay. We haven’t seen her for a while.] Wow is she going to get a headache as she listens to all that's been happening. Nice job.
linagabriev chapter 16 . 3/26/2005
(Chapter 16) [She doesn’t care if she lives or dies, as long as the people she loves are safe.] Actually that wouldn't really be an example of how Liona is like Lina because if you listened to the very first important speech she made right before fighting Shabranigdo, Lina clearly stated that she doesn't want to die.

[Anyways, we should get going before she goes off and tries to get the other mazoku lords to agree to her candidates.”] Why would everyone agree seeing as Xelloss just stated that noone wanted to be pushed around by a newbie?

[“Since she was previously a mazoku, she has also built up an immune system to deflect most harmful spells. Nightmare magic won’t work on her either.”] I hardly think anyone should be able to withstand the power of the creator of their world. [She’s spent too much time with the Lord of Nightmares to have anyone using her magic be effective towards her.”] This would imply that Mazolina is stronger than L-sama's magic. She shouldn't be able to deflect it. For a creator it's like creating something without a control to switch your creation off. Then again it doesn't really matter if Nightmare magic will work on her seeing as Lina would have to be really desperate to use it because she would be forced to live with the Lord of Nightmares if she used the Giga Slave.

What does Akuma mean?

[When thinking of her weaknesses, think of the Inverses, Lina especially.] What slugs? Taking someone away you really care about? Money? Food?

[Meanwhile, Mazolina was having a bit of trouble convincing the two candidates to agree to the terms.] They have to agree? Why not just wipe them of their memories?

[Sullenly, they replied, “Mom(my) wouldn’t like it.”] This had me laughing aloud. It's true tho. Especially Val's Mom.

I wouldn't say Xelloss is THAT OOC as long as he out for his or his master's gain and not truly for the Slayers.

Very nicely done.
linagabriev chapter 15 . 3/26/2005
(Chapter 14) [Lina answered, taking a leaf out of Luna’s book and also using a soothing voice] What's this about a leaf out of Luna's book? Did I miss something?

Exactly how big are we saying this box is? This might be a weird question but is Liona regular sized? If she is, it would have to be a pretty big box for her to be close to someone, but farther away from someone else. (close to Blake, hopefully farthest away from where Blake swung his sword.

[Liona was straining to stand up] I thought she was chained to the door. [And there’s this metal collar chaining my wrists, ankles, waist, and neck to this door]

[Names really aren’t all that important to me anyway.] Well I'm guessing it's Mazolina. And if it is, than names should be important to her seeing as the Lord of Nightmares herself gave her the name Mazolina.

(Chapter 15) Well that stinks. It makes sense to for it to be Val, I just didn't think of him because if past lives are included than probably anyone could become a Mazoku lord. However does Liona becoming Hellmaster stop the curse? I can't believe Filia never told him about his past life tho (Val). Great job.
linagabriev chapter 13 . 3/25/2005
Wow. Definite turn of events, and for the worse too.

[“Just so I know, is there anyone in this room that /doesn’t/ want to go?”] Exactly why does Blake want to go?

[They all looked over to see Gourry on a white horse, dressed as a knight in shining armor, so to speak.] Um...well my first impression was that they turned into the form Liona saw them as. But that would mean that she knew Blake was a bandit. And that she see Zel as a bunny ::sweatdrop::

[Still grinning, she raised herself slightly, and with her whole hand in contact with his face, gave him a soul-searching kiss, on the lips.] If this is Liona, and I'm betting it is...SHE JUST KISSED HER DAD! That's pretty gross.

[Ever so slightly, Lina twitched a few times before answering, “I’d stake the life of my family on it.”] I would hope that Lina wouldn't do that. She gave up herself to save Gourry a long time ago. I hardly think that she would sacrifice not only herself, Gourry, her parents, and Luna but not Liona. Lina's confident in herself to be sure, but she isn't stupid, and as far as I can tell she loves Liona and wouldn't sacrifice her for something like this.

Nice job. I wonder if anyone realizes it's Liona. And if it's not Liona, it's either her evil side or the mazoku part in her.
linagabriev chapter 12 . 3/25/2005
(Chapter 12) [She knew that be transforming, she had made their curses ten times stronger and more painful than before.] Their curses? Do you mean Kollina's curse affected all three of them? Or is it another curse entirely? Does Liona know about the curse that Kollina put on her yet?

[Liona, to sink her jaws into Angelina’s arm] Um...this might be a weird question but is it contagious by a bite or scratch? I mean, will Angelina turn into what Liona has become? Is it a werewolf?

[The only problem was, they couldn’t see where Liona was through the thick trees. However, they /could/ sense her aura – a mixed aura of red, purple, blue, and black.] As far as I know if they couldn't see her, they wouldn't sense black, red etc. because they are colors. And aura that you can sense for example include hatred, happiness, good, evil or mostly likely level of power but an aura you can see can include colors. That's the difference here. Since they couldn't see her, you should have described her aura in a sense of either emotion or level of power etc.

[“Let me rest for about an hour and I’ll teleport us there. Besides, you will need your energy soon enough anyway.”] If Angelina could do that why didn't she do it earlier? I mean that would have saved alot of trouble. This wasn't just a joyride afterall, this was to help Lina. Unless, it was because Liona wanted to do this her way. But still...

[She forced herself to bite her lower lip to keep from yelling out and draining her already limited supply of oxygen.] Yeah but isn't this already limiting the amound of oxygen entering her body seeing as biting your lip closes you mouth considerably.

[They were all surprised when they saw the three of them all face down on the carpet.] Eh? Is Angelina inexperienced at teleporting or something?

[“Liona, Liona is no longer with us.”] Great job Val! Jeez.

[Liona…has been corrupted.”] That was one of the first things on the requirement list right? Well that can't be good. -_-

Very nicely done. (Ha! A different compliment. Eh? I've used it before? Oh well)
linagabriev chapter 11 . 3/25/2005
(Chapter 9) [With a stressmark and a triple flip, the girl jumped down from her perch. . . and fell flat on her face inches from Liona. With remarkable innocence, Liona poked the still figure with a stick...Zani ignored this and clamped onto him like a nail to a magnet.] Well I have to say they are defintely both a product of their parents. ::sweatdrop:: So Zani took her mothers fall-in-love-with-the-first-handsome-guy trait, while Martina's son took her mothers let's-be-stupid-and-use-a-huge-golem-to-attack-the-city trait, not to mention the Zomelgustav fantasy that he probably picked up. Liona poking Zani with a stick was pretty comical as I remembered when Gourry did that to Amelia when she tripped all the time. Nice historical (well maybe not historical, oh well) reference to the world of the Slayers.

(Chapter 10) [“Just you wait, I’ll come for you soon enough. I’ll /make/ you cure Mommy, and then-“] Is Liona talking about Mazolina? Does she really expect Mazolina to help someone who has wiped out a good amount of their race?

(Chapter 11) [Happy times accounted for more food, and more money spent.] So it's safe to assume when she's angry she eats less? Or even more than when she's happy to keep herself distracted.

[Liona pouted and said she was 16 and merely under a stunting spell.] Does her curse force everything into her staying the same age? Including that time-of-the-month and her voice etc.? Also would that time-of-the-month stop her from using her flute?

[Once joined up, Angelina revealed that she had a medallion much like Liona’s, except the dragon was a pure white. She chanted the spell with urgency, and they follow it.] Why does Angelina have one? I thought Luna, Lina, Lana and Liona, were the only ones that have one. Did Luna give it to her? And why when Zel was using the medallion didn't Angelina's medallion react to it as well?

Great job.
linagabriev chapter 8 . 3/24/2005
[It only takes a minute max!] Well actually it takes me about 10 to 30 minutes to review more serious fics depending on the length. Probably cause I've grown tired of just say "Great Job" and that's it. Comedys vary, but usually take me 1 minute to 5 minutes. Also probably cause I tend to babble on like I'm doing right now ::sweatdrop::. -_-

[Suddenly, her eyes widened as she realized what might be in store for Liona.] Gah! Mazolina might try to make Liona a Mazoku Lord? I went back to read the requirements. So since Liona's mother killed Phibrizzo (indirectly seeing as it was really the LON) she might have a connection to the throne? Could Mazolina take over for Gaav since she was the general for him? or not seeing as she is now and agent for the LON.

[It turned out that the shop made the most profit when Val and Liona were in charge of it. Also, it turned out that Angelina worked best at the house and with the Pikus.] Yeah it makes sense that Liona and Val were the best at the shop, but what about Blake? What did he do that was so special during this time? You didn't really mention him at all. What is he planning? And does Angelina know?

[Lina dreamt of Liona, playing her tune, on a tree bough.] The flute thing was't mentioned until after Liona left, so Lina shouldn't know about the flute. Does she know the dream is true? Also, did she know about the flute beforehand?

[their future depended on the well-being of Liona, all for separate goals.] Poor Liona. So far, excluding Angelina, all the people that have come or tried to bring her back, did so for selfish reasons.

Anyways Great job (I guess some things will never change for me reviews. I need new words other than interesting, great job, good job etc).
linagabriev chapter 7 . 3/23/2005
Again I reinerate the fact that I have no idea how you will pull it off that someone would fall in love with Liona. I mean, she can hardly get respect with the form she's in. Fear, yeah she can get fear, but fear doesn't always come with respect.

Still, this story is definitely getting entertaining to read as the possibility that the offspring of the Bandit Killer might just fall in love with a bandit. Or with an ancient black dragon who tried to kill her mother. How old is Blake tho? And Val, as far as I can tell, sees her more of an annoyance, but at the same time seems concerned for her. So far I'm guessing the coupling will be Liona/Blake, and Angelina/Val

It's a good thing that Dragon guy left. It would have been really hard for Liona, Angelina, Blake, and Val to hide a dragon. Unless it could go compact size or turn into human form that is.

As for the Piku pets...::sweatdrop:: Did you write this while writing Pokemaster Lina? Because Piku-chan sounds eerily like Pikachu.

Anyways, great job. I wonder if Ashford (the dragon cuisine cook) still works there. And is Dragon Cuisine really Lina's cure?
linagabriev chapter 4 . 3/23/2005
[a triathalon – a race that includes horseback riding, swimming...] If only Amelia knew how Liona got into that accident in the first place. Is it really such a good idea to have Liona on a horse again?

Does Angelina not like her flute for some reason. Also, Angelina, is Angelina from the Sea of Chaos, right? It'll be interesting to see what Liona's reaction will be when her best friend's secret comes out. I have to wonder if Liona will feel betrayed or not, that her best friend is basically a lie.

Speaking of Angelina, is there a reason she doesn't like the flute that Liona plays? I could be wrong, but her reaction to Liona's question [Do you want to come and listen?] seemed frantic (if that's the right word for it).

[The guards knew him well due to his monthly visits to the Queen] _ Is there going to be an A/Zness in this story? Or is Amelia already married to someone else?

[‘Expired Zephilian wine? Either cure or make worse?] Wow those are great odds.-_- I can tell that you depict Luna's character as cruel. But she does care for Lina, right? As a sister?

[I should warn you in advance that flames and deeply negative reviews will severely damage my writer’s ego] Eep! I didn't do that right?

Anyways, great job. I do have to wonder what Angelina meant by, “Trust me, it’s for your own good – you don’t want to hear her when she trains." Quite interesting. Is Zel just going to take her back home, or is he going to let her compete. It'd be easier for both of them if he just accompanied her to get Dragon Cuisine. It'll be interesting to see what new additions you will be making to Liona's group.
linagabriev chapter 3 . 3/22/2005
It's funny to see how you quote from Liona's memories the endearing things her guardians told her. ["If someone is so lax in their senses that they lose money and if find its way to you, they probably would have lost it sooner or later anyway."] Liona is definitely a product of Lina. Although Lina won't be in this story much it would seem, with Liona it seems like Lina is there.

I have to admit I was quite hesitant at reading this. Next generation stories usually don't end up so good. But quite honestly this is keeping me captivated for now. I can see a definite improvement in your writing.

[Second, they were surprised by the sophisticated way that the silver-haired little girl spoke (she's older than she looks)] She was born after Liona. Why does she look the same age Liona does, or does she look the way Liona should be looking at her age.

Anyways, great job so far. Its definitely getting interesting.

P.S. Actually this is starting to get creepy. I started this chapter about a year ago for one of my stories (I can't think of where to go with it, I've kind of given up on it, but I may continue it later) but I named Lina's mother, Lana. This is major creepy now. I chose it after the Smallville character.
linagabriev chapter 1 . 3/22/2005
[I kind of blew up the school] This is so priceless, and so very Lina like. ::giggles:: I loved it.

["Wh-y?"] Ah yes...the ominous why. The word that stikes fear in every parents heart!

[ "Because I think it's the closest thing to my cure that I've ever heard of."] Speaking of that, I remember in the previous story, Zel found a book on Cures and was just about to use Liona's medallion to uncover the book's secrets. HE NEVER DID! He never used the medallion and thus wasn't able to read the part about Chimeras.

Although you slur Liona's speech, she still says too many big words, in my opinion, for her age. (unquestionably, protection [Does she know the difference between protect/protection?] (This is at the beginning)

[(even though she still called them by nicknames named after food)] What nicknames would that be?

[Even Xellos came] You mean after stealing their daughter away from them, Lina still let him within 4 feet of her daughter? Or did she not have any say in the matter?

[Liona breathed three silent words, but the spell initiated. "Light come forth."] Quite creative. Just like her Daddy, if only it hadn't come from someone who posed such a threat to Liona's freedom from Sea of Chaos.

[No worries, nobody got seriously hurt in this game since all the players knew Aqua Create and Recovery, if need be.] Heh, no worries. Just so you know, I would have been burnt to a crisp.

A quite creative start. Quite a comical journey you have little Liona going on tho. Great job.

P.S. I looked back on one of my old stories that I deleted from but had on my computer and I saw that I named Lina and Gourry's child Liana. _
Winged Knight chapter 20 . 1/17/2004
I love it. I truly love it. Could their possibly be a sequel? Maybe in a year or two? Blake could meet her again and go on some sort of adventure. Maybe some people from the world of Zelda could show up? Just a suggestion. Could you review my story, I would really appriciate it. It's nowhere near as good as your's but it wouid mean alot to me. Keep writing the good ones!
Winged Knight chapter 19 . 1/12/2004
I knew it! I knew he was part Mozoku! The swords gone though. That was a really cool sword! Even if it was evil!T_T Oh well, I guess it had to go in the end. I wonder when Liona will get back? Also, I am sensing some Liona/Blake thing going on. I wonder what you are planning. Ins'nt the Lord of Nightmares technically nether good or evil? If the sword was blessed by her than shoudent it just be pure chaotic energy. Just something to think on. Oh, and can Blake channel Mozoku magic too? Keep writing the good ones!
Winged Knight chapter 18 . 12/27/2003
Wah! It's almost over T_T. I don't want it to end! Ah well, I guess you need a break don't you? I was happy about more into Blakes past. I was wondering about that guy. This is a marvolous story and you are a great writer. I'm still kinda sad it's over *sniffel*. Keep writing the good ones!
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