Reviews for Complicated Girls
CrystalPhoenx chapter 1 . 9/9/2003
WAHAH! SO GOD! Are ya gonna write more to it or write another one? Pwetty pweez?
Kitala chapter 1 . 8/22/2003
Interesting idea, having them meet Leila
Eerie chapter 1 . 8/16/2003
As hard as it will be, I'll attempt to be constructive here. First of all, you cannot copyright FANfiction. If you tried to get a REAL copyright on this (even though you disclaim the ownership of the characters you're portraying) they'd either laugh at you or sue you. Secondly, your writing it extremely difficult to read. The plot is confusing and full of pointless details. An example, "They went out to Leila's backyard. A light was on at the back of the house, and it provided enough light for them to see." You don't need to write every minor event that no one cares about or has no real value to the story itself. This kind of description makes the story drag on and on. Thirdly, there's zilch for emotion. Leila's parents were turned and massacred; she would have certainly showed a little more feeling in this situation. There also wasn't really anything humorous about this. Though I wish I would have taken your advice-"This story is censored, and I do not recommend that you read it", I was disappointed to learn that it was probably written more for that pointless shower scene than anything else. This needs some serious work.