Pretty well written at least technically. Some of the prose is a little florid, but after reading your other work, that's just kind of your style.

I think there are three major problems with this story however. First, Keitaro leaving and going away was done in a manner that set him up as looking more selfish than distraught. It didn't make his homecoming a positive thing at all, which it should have been and it made him an unlikable character.

Secondly, there was no real acknowledgement of a relationship between Keitaro and Motoko until the end of the story. It just didn't feel realistic at all to jump from "Hey, we haven't seen each other in two years" to "Let's get married!"

Lastly, the final reveal with Alicia didn't need to happen. It would have been better to hint at Alicia's nature and leave it up to the reader to guess it rather than have her go all exposition on our butts. It was really hackneyed.

Overall, this was an okay story, but had a few problems.

this was amazing. you truly have talent. i love KeixMotoko stories and yours is definetly on the top :]

man what a story it is man it was sad to see her died I hope the other two chapters are good way to go writting a good story

Just Perfect

I cried...

It was so heart wrenching... just like Different Life... different plot but same level of intensity...

Oh god...

ggr... I can't believe Keitaro was able to waltz back in so easily. And the three year old wouldn't care about his return at that point, since they'd never really met. Jerk. Anyone who abandons their children like that is scum, plain and simple.

Even with Naru's death, this was pure gold. Thank you for writing such a heartwarming fic. Hope to see another of your fics soon.

Baretta

Absolutley beautiful! Heartfelt and thoughtful. Excellent!

Gah, now I'm all depressed :/

Very well written so far, Nothing really wrong that I can spot out, looks very good. Good Job.

dat was nice...kinda confusing how no one remebers how alicia left except motoko..

sorry, i have to review here ..~_;;

but i reviewed ur other one 2 much.. i read this 2~ it was reaally cute.. kinda sad but cute~ i hope u make ur chaps sorts but more .. i like it to be like that~

It was nice enough, though it would have been good to have Keitaro suffer a bit more for being a complete worthless jackass. You would think the girls would be a little more upset with him.

WOW! again with the amazing story that i have read from you and i think im going to cry. i hope you end a different life. well not just like that but like a peaceful and romantic like that. and if i didn't notice you seem to be a motoko and ketiaro fan. i feel almost the same as if did when i read a diiferent life you a happy and romantic, and it make me go insane when i can't finish a authors story like yours why cant all motoko and keitaro fics be like yours i didnt see any errors i might have not paid attention to it as i did the story.

P.S: i love how you made motoko motoko so kind and caring/loving. i wish you the best of luck on your stories. please write more motoko and keitaro fic please!

it was so sad when naru died.i really did cry in fact im still crying about wasn't my fav. character but she was still im listening to a sad made me relize how important life was and how grateful i should be thanks alot!

Great story