|Reviews for During a journey in the dark|
| Virodeil chapter 5 . 1/3/2010
Ah! A pony's point of view! I was completely taken aback by it. That was great! You could have done better with Bill's perspective, but this was already great for a first attempt. I love it. Some things earlier in the chapter struck me as humorous too, but I can't recall which they were now. To me this is not really like a retelling because you fill in so much blank between scenes and dialogues, and I like it that way. Merry's predicament about jumping cracks added a real sense to the struggles, as well as some others scattered along the story. Boromir here looked rather 'industrious' too, ready to help even when unasked. We do not get that impression in canon, only when he fights the orcs who are about to take the hobbits... we need a source for his spontaneity, and you provided one here.
Oh, for the websites, you could still include it here, but you have to replace .and ( ) with and so on, or put space after all the key characters in the url. FFN is like that...
One question: Should they bring kindling equipment, how should they light torches? There was no firewood in the mines...
The heat is not canon, I think, but it provided a excellant tension and suspense in the company. The broken hall too... But you could have added more by describing about Gandalf's light and the shadows and how the darkness was strangely very thick... Merry's perspective would have covered it well. It would have added for more touch to the atmosphere. :)
| Virodeil chapter 4 . 1/2/2010
I love the invisible fight for dominance between Aragorn and Gandalf here. It was more palpable than the one in While the Ring Goes South. You sharpened Boromir's personality considerably too, and the dialogues Tolkien provided were once again made so much meaningful by your additions and references to earlier in your stories. I certainly look forward to references from the Silmarillion. Not many people do that in Lord of the Rings. It adds depth to a story, just like Tolkien did with the canon. I am glad that you stick to the books despite the pressure. Can't say I really like the films... A bit too AU. LOL But then again I can't complain if the action in it was thrilling, because I can't see. I much appreciate your HoME insert, though, and the Sindarin explanation in the end notes. Gandalf's musing about the puzzles and an insight into his personality was very entertaining and enlightening. (Might I borrow that segment? You'd be creditted, of course.)
Why did you not add the fact that the holly trees were brought down to bar the entrance? That would have added more intensity to the predicament the Fellowship were in.
I become reluctant to see Boromir subjected to the test in Lothlorien... And what did you mean actually about his untrained foresight and the test Galadriel put on him? Will you eventually arrive at that part? I did not see another story in your profile as the continuation of these two...
Anyway, regardless of the question of a sequel, I intend to enjoy this story as much as can. Sadly it will only be 2 more chapters... Here you really fleshed out the canon, especially with the warg attack (I tensed myself during the chapter!) and the debate between Aragorn and Gandalf. You are really talented in characterisation and gap-filling. :)
| Mariagoner chapter 6 . 6/14/2009
You are such a fantastic writer and this was a magnificent story to read. Thank you for penning it!
| yamina-chan chapter 6 . 4/22/2009
I don't know, if I understood, what Araron ment when talking aboult Legolas taking some rest as well, but that can't be helped now.
I have to say that I liked the part with the sayings though
A debate like this is something, that's recognizable as your style of writing and something I always enjoy to read.
I like the part where you wrote about Bill as well, for that was a total surprise XD
There is also something I'd like to ask.
In one of your notes, you wrote this:
»As most of you have probably deduced, the bit about Legolas being away when the doors were open and then his leap over the tentacles into the mines cannot be found in the final version of FotR. But it was found in an earlier draft of FotR. In fact, when Legolas landed after his leap, Gimli caught him and dragged him into the mines.«
How did you know that? Where is that information from? I know, I haven't yet read all that has something to do with middle earth, but I didn't know that at least some facts about earlier versions of “Lord of the Rings” were known as well.
This detail of this scene was one of the moments I was quite scared and when I read your note...
Oh well, I just want to say that I like this story of yours as well XD
You said, you were happy about the many comments I wrote recently, but I say that I am just as happy to read all the great FanFictions -
This isn't the last time you'll here from me, that's for sure XD
I am realy interested how this will go on as well, though it looks like I have to wait untill I'll find out.
| Protector of Canon2 chapter 1 . 9/23/2008
I really should be asleep, but I started reading the story that comes before this and I couldn't stop. That seems to be happening to me a lot lately.
This is really good, and I love your charicterization.
| Tauriell chapter 6 . 5/19/2008
Im back again im afraid! I know i left another comment just below, but I just thought that this chapter deserved yet another!
Firstly, I am completely in love with the oh so subtle hints about legolas' fear of caves and dark spaces! Also, his challenging attitude towards Aragorn, Daring him to make a comment about his "little problem" to the others is quite funny! I smell blackmail...
Secondly, I am presuming queen Berùthiel is your creation, as I have never heard of her before, but I cannot be sure of this as I have never read the silmarillion or unfinished tales. I am not completely up to scratch with my LOTR trivia! So I apologise if the following part of the review is completely useless to you!
I thought she was a very inventive little character, and addition to the story. Amongst all the danger, threat, and peril, you have this random story of a woman and her heard of cat spies that act as her own little "delta-force" if you like. It is absolutely insane. Completely nuts. And rather pointless.
Which is exactly what makes it so wonderful to begin with.
One thing i always noted about your stories, and this is a good thing by the way, is that at times they can be so pointlessly random.
Its a wonderful thing you've got there!
So all in all, this is merely a quick review begging you on bended knee to hurry up with writing the next few chapters! IMPATIENCE in capital letters! It's fantastic so far, so keep up the good work!
Thank you for the entertainment, and can't wait for more!
All the best,
| Bob chapter 6 . 5/18/2008
Wow! Your story is one of the best I've read so far. I love how you put both serious and humourous parts in.
| Autumn Fiery Star chapter 4 . 5/17/2008
This story is brilliant so far, im impressed! i just wanted to inquire about two things you mentioned in your story notes.
The first was in relation to the hobbits. I dont know why you were saying earlier that you aren't a fan of hobbits due to the fact that you cant write them well. Your characterisation is fantastic, you wouldnt need to even put names beside who is speaking. It is clear from the way you write the dialogue, and that in itself is a very rare sign of a truly devoted and talented writer. I honestly thought that, though this applied to all of your character's, it came out the most powerfully in the hobbit's. You write their character's dialogue with such a sense of mixed naiveness, mock-seriousness, and touching innocence, that it's very charming when one is reading this story. It contrasts very nicely with the dire situation they have been placed in! In short, please don't think that you aren't a good writer of furry footed dialogue, I think it's one aspect that you excel at!
The second thing i wanted to say was thank you for that little tit-bit of information regarding legolas jumping over the tentacles of the moria watcher in the first draught of the scene. I love hearing about things like that, regarding the books and films. I wondered where you got these bits of info from, as if it's a website or something similar, i would very much like to check it out!
I apologise if this review was a little long, but im done now, dont worry!
Thank you once again, for the incredible read!
All the best,
| Me chapter 4 . 3/4/2008
Hi, it's me again!
I'm going to go a bit mroe in depth now that I've read some more, so here goes:
One of my favorite parts is that you tell the story with insights into the different characters' perspectives. They are all kept pretty well in character, better than I would have done! It's also really neat how you don't have a main character, but instead focus on the fellowship as a whole.
Gandalf-Hmm, him and Aragorn aren't getting along that well right now, I'm curious to know what happens with that.
Aragorn-Having funny dreams, huh? Poor guy, I can indentify.
Boromir-Still quite a gentleman, if a bit arrogant, how is the ring affecting him?
Legolas and Gimli-The friciton between them has lessened somewhat, and, although I like dwarves and elves alot, it would be amusing to see them squabble a bit more.
Frodo and Sam-Nice job keeping them in character, remember to keep giving Sam a rustic dialect.
Merry and Pippin-I've always thought of them as kind of the comic relief, they're two of my favorite characters.
By the way, the songs were the perfect touch. If I ever went on a quest like that (Ok, I admit, that's about as likely Sauron turning good) I'd sure want some music! I wonder if Bilbo ever told Frodo about the barrel song.
To sum up, you're doing a great job. Your writing is a touch wordy in some places, but I'm not complaining, because I find my writing to be the same way. I'm off to read the rest.
| Me chapter 3 . 3/4/2008
This is awesome! I think it's really neat how Tolkein set his books up so the gaps could be filled in with the imagination, or, as in this case, by other writers. You're doing a great job, and I love the insight into the characters and the songs. Keep it up!
| Starset chapter 6 . 2/20/2008
I salute you - I can't say better than that.
| asdfjkl chapter 6 . 1/16/2008
this is really good-i just wish you'd update soon! i love how you're developing the characters, but staying true the actual story. the relationships are fascinating. i love it!
| Jedipati chapter 1 . 12/12/2007
I don't know if I ever reviewed either this or the previous story, but I really do like them both.
| Living in a fantasy chapter 6 . 11/29/2007
It is so sad that I have finished all of the series so soon, but I finally have a lotr story to look forward to updating. Seeing as how you started this in 2003 and updated in september of this year, I'm guessing that you plan to continue at some point in time.
The feel of this story is different then your previous one. The descriptions of how the characters feel make me nervous even though I know what awaits them in that darkness. I really don't know what you can do to improve this story besides updating when you can. It is, in my opinion, just perfect. I look forward to seeing how the rest of the fellowship may see the darkness of Moria, and how you plan to continue with Legolas and gimli forming a friendship. I'll be looking forward to another chapter.
| Nemrut chapter 6 . 11/16/2007
Hello there, I was advised to your story as a prime example for a story where several characters are getting equal "screen time" and I have to say, you are pulling it off magnificently.
I know from experience how hard it is to include a large number of characters into conversations and such, yet you manage it effortless, even though I am sure you spend quite a time on the chapters.
As such they are really brilliant, close to the books, radiating the true feeling of LotR, you really have done some research, I can see how deep you are within your material, even though I am not that near to LotR, so needles to say I have learned much by reading your story.
All persons are in character, staying as close to the canon as you can get, and I can't help but feel myself reading the books again.
Sometimes when I read a good story, here on a certain excitement is flowing through me, (weird heh?) which is making me wanting to write and this was one.
Grammar and such I can't say much for I suck myself, the only thing I can say is that no mistake caught my eye, alas didn't disturb the flow of the story, yet i wouldn't know if there are any.
I know writers are disliking reviews without constructive criticism but I really wouldn't know what you can do better, (except updating more often ;)) so I finish stealing your time by pointing out that you indeed have written a fantastic story, worthy of the LotR book, if not better as in my opinion Tolkien tends to lose himself in the descriptions of the surroundings.
So keep it up, hope to see more soon
have fun writing your stories,