|Reviews for SPY IN RIVENDELL|
| Pip the Invader chapter 2 . 4/6/2013
What the cheesecake, Jules?! Where is the rest? Pip needs to know! But, awesome job so far !
| frodomeg chapter 2 . 6/13/2004
Its me again! C'MON! I wanna read MORE! u havent updated in SO LONG!
| Salysha chapter 3 . 10/1/2003
Interesting story. I find it rather curious that someone like Yarrish has been able to infiltrate in the sanctum of Elrond and even become his personal assistant in healing, of all things. How has he, obviously not native to Rivendell, reached a position so high in Elrond’s court?
Please don't take offense that I mention a couple of things where I felt to be room for improvement. The first chapter contained scenes and spoken lines from the movie (and book) quite a lot. In fact, the whole exchange after Frodo wakes up seemed as describing of what happened in the movie. Maybe you could alter the events a bit, or just shrug them off so that it wouldn't appear like you were just replicating the movie.
There were a couple odd sentence breaks but nothing major; just a hit of 'Enter' in the wrong place. Just in case you they weren't just typos, here are a few correct spellings as presented in the book: Ringwraith (one word), Fellowship (capitalized, like the Company), Ring-bearer, and Elf-lord (with a hyphen).
This grammar aspect that I would've disregarded if it weren't repetitious due to the amount of dialogue: when a person is spoken to, remember to separate the name with commas, like this:
"The wound is healing slightly(comma) Master Gamgee," Elrond informed... .
"Come now(comma) Mr Gamgee, the hour is very late and you need to rest," Elrond now instructed the hobbit.
You might also choose either Master or Mr. for Sam, and not have Elrond alter his way of addressing him.
I see the story is coming nicely, and you already have ideas of how to continue. Good to hear. Don't take my criticism to the heart, but details count enormously, and are likely the factor which makes the reader decide for or against reading and reviewing a story. You write very long chapters-I noticed it with especially other stories-and it may be a good idea to break the story a bit. Modern readers don't have much of an attention span, yours truly included. One last thing: I fully support Sam calling Aragorn 'Strider.' Even when knowing Aragorn's true indentity, using an alias must feel more secure to a humble gardener.
P.S. Thanks for your support on my "One by One,..." and apologies that it took so long to get back to you.
| amc623 chapter 1 . 9/14/2003
This was a fine start to the story. I only have a couple things to mention that really stuck out in the story for me.
I know you said you used the term 'boy' to describe Frodo in your other story for lack of a better word at times. I understand that, calling him a hobbit all the time gets tiring I know. And I had no problem with that in your other tale as it made sense. Though Frodo was about to come of age he could still be called a boy or a lad in many ways especially as seen by his elders like Bilbo or Gandalf. However, in this story I don't think the use of that word fits really. He is no longer a boy he is 50 years old. He is also not exaclty a 'young' hobbit despite his appearence which is due to having the ring in his posession for so many years. What I'm trying to say is I don't think you should be calling him a boy or a lad or a young hobbit in this story as he is now full grown and very much an adult. The only time I would say the use of a word like 'lad' or 'boy' be used is if it is spoken by Gandalf who tends to call him 'my boy' or something like it out of affection.
The other thing I wanted to mention was the fact that you used the word 'man' to describe Elrond at one point. I cannot agree with that- he must be the complete opposite of anything remotely like a man. He is a high elf and I almost cringed at the word usage.
Besides those few things this chapter was a great opener to the story. I liked the use of your OC already and I find it very interesting that it is an elf. It is not only different but I would also think this servent of Sauron would be more powerful than any man as he is of elvish kind.
I am very interested to see where you go with this.
| tavion chapter 2 . 8/29/2003
I really like the plot of this story so far. It is very original. It is not often that you see a elf fall under the lure of the ring.
Great story. Keep it up.
| Iorhael chapter 2 . 8/25/2003
I think you've go a wonderful original idea! Please continue soon!
| invisigoth chapter 1 . 8/23/2003
I look forward to your stories. You have made a great start!
| tavion chapter 1 . 8/23/2003
Wow impressive. I cant believe that you have already started another story. This one also looks good. I am curious to see where you are going with this story.
| Frodomeg chapter 1 . 8/23/2003
O U HAVE 2 CONTINUE IT! Wow its good. i LURV the fact that its based off of the movie cuz I, personaly, like the movie better than the books *runs and hides as a band of Tolkien fans stampeed past with torches and pitchforks* So... yes, as I said, plz continue it
| eiluj chapter 1 . 8/22/2003
This looks interesting; I look forward to reading more of it.
But please do me a favor and change the wording after Elrond greets Frodo. Elrond may be of mixed race ("half-elven" doesn't begin to cover it), but he should not be described as a "man."