|Reviews for Before|
| huntress chapter 10 . 9/2/2005
um, awhile ago i came across a story where avara hooked up with the fellowship right after her partner dinfan had been killed. i can't find that story anymore, and i wanted to read more! i'm reaaly hoping your the author of that same story- or ele someone stole your characters! Can you give me the name of that story so I can finish reading it please?
Also, I really like this story. Avara has a reasonable and believable pretense for being in Rivendell, not like a lot of fanfiction where they just toss random characters into random situations that don't really make sense. Keep up the good work!
| Lucifer's Garden chapter 10 . 1/30/2004
I can NOT believe this story has not gotten more reviews. Try to make the chapters a bit longer, but other than that, I love it! Well done.
| Infinitys-End chapter 2 . 12/3/2003
Hi! I'm back for another round. Same rules apply - trying to help the writing, not attacking you. Clear? Good. On with the fic!
1) Formatting is getting better... still need to start new paragraphs when someone speaks.
2) I don't know about you, but to me cold water on wounds feels a lot better than just leaving them be... you see, wounds swell, become inflamed... very hot tissue right there. Cold water is just the trick to make it feel a bit better.
3) Watch out for the random periods. I noticed this in your first chapter, and they've re-appeared here - periods at the end of a sentence only.
4) Okay, now I'm very confused - where are these slaves supposed to be going? Dinfan was captured as an elfling, and is now a grown elf - that would be some hundred or more years. Where in the world could they be going that would take that long to get to? Besides this, why is Dinfan still alive? Most elves, when kept in captivity that long, die from grief.
5) Okay, let me see if I've got this straight... one can either swim across the river and stay with the group... or they can not swim and get away from the group. Frankly, I'd not swim. Even if I was left alone in the wild, at least I'd be free. Which brings up the point... why would any slavemaster, who's usual goal is money, leave anyone behind? Slaves are money, so he'd be losing a significant amount of money.
6) The talk about fate and such... a bit over-dramatic for someone who's half dead with hunger and probably can't think beyond her next step, isn't it? Besides, there's that great deal about staying on the shore and watching everyone leave...
7) Question: Orcs aren't completely dumb, and they have a fairly decent sense of smell... didn't they smell this strange guard and note that he smelled rather elfish? I would think they would be pretty in-tune to this sort of thing, since orcs and elves are natural enemies...
Right, see you in the next chapter!
| Infinitys-End chapter 1 . 12/3/2003
Hello! The friendly neighborhood reviewer is back on patrol. Now I realize that you have posted quite a large number of chapters, but perhaps (I always hope) you will take what you have learned from previous chapters and use that body of knowlege to improve your future writing. Note: This is constructive criticism, not a flame. I am picking out problems in the story, not in in you personally. I don't know you, how can I insult you? Anyway. On with the fic!
1) Formatting. Try saving your work as an .html or .htm file before uploading - this solves a lot of problems. If this is how you formatted it to begin with... Every time the topic changes or someone speaks, a new paragraph begins. Such details make life much easier on your readers.
2)I'm assuming, at the beginning of the story, the scene opens with the 'young elf maiden' running from a band of orcs, with her fellow captives telling her to stop. Question: Why in the world would they want her to stop? Good lord, if she's got an opening, go for it! Go get help while she's at it!
3) Why are the orcs out of breath? Orcs can run a _very_ long ways before growing tired... uruk even farther. This didn't sound like a long run.
4) Personal pet peeve - not necessarily something you have to change. I get rather annoyed at long conversations in any elvish language. It is so easy to say something like "she said in elvish" or "he answered in the same tongue". Also, make sure you aren't using Grey Company Elvish - it has absolutely nothing to do with Tolkien's elvish... kind of the way Drow elves have nothing to do with Tolkien's elves.
5) The writing overall isn't bad at all - it is just _very_ hard to read do to poor formatting. A bit more description of the scenery would be nice, since right now your Mordor has all of the ambiance of a empty soundstage. Think of all the wonderful adjectives you could use for Mordor!
| xorie5 chapter 11 . 12/3/2003
Thanks for putting the paragraphs like that! it really helped! Awesome chappie! Update soon! :-)
| xorie5 chapter 10 . 11/27/2003
Okie Dokey! I think that i can wait that long, but its going to be hard to not read the next part in your story!
I know how you feel when your computer does something that causes you to lose saved stuff, and important stuff. I know, it hapened to me and i lost two important school assingments and a chapter from my fanfic.
Update as quickly as you can!
| this account is mine no more chapter 10 . 11/27/2003
Hi I'm sorry about the problem your having with your story is AWESOME!
I just wanted to say chapter2 is up for my story!
| Me chapter 1 . 11/26/2003
I might have been induced to read this, but alas it's one big headache. As you most likely should know, every time a different person speaks you must start a new paragraph. This is not a suggestion, but a rule. As it is, it is simply impossible to read this gigantic paragraph. I'm getting a headache just thinking about it. If you need a bigger clue, pick up a random novel and take a look at the format. Much easier to read, don't you think?
| this account is mine no more chapter 2 . 11/25/2003
I know how you feel. On time I wrote a story and keep getting bad reviews from this Jerks so I permitly delete it from f.f net. I like the thing you said about the marshmellow thing it made me feel happy about getting there a bright side of getting flames...I think
Wel great story I'm still reading it !
| this account is mine no more chapter 1 . 11/25/2003
Hello I read your Review I 'm sorry about the paraghap thing I always bad with Paragraph. Your story is really good please keep writting!
P.s Thanks for not flaming me!
| xorie5 chapter 9 . 11/13/2003
| gwanath-el chapter 9 . 11/13/2003
the plot seems interesting but the reading is terribly difficult! Maybe paragraphs would help
| Jenniefer Kingsley chapter 9 . 11/13/2003
aw...her feelings are opening up. I think she'll be fine when she realizes not everyone is out to hurt her. Good job! I am really into this story!
| Jenniefer Kingsley chapter 8 . 11/10/2003
Go Avara! I really love how this story is progressing. It would be easier to read, though, if you made a new paragraph when a new person started to talk. Otherwise...I love it!
| xorie5 chapter 8 . 11/8/2003
Great Chappie! Write More! :-)