|Reviews for The Forgotten|
| Sweet N. Petite chapter 45 . 3/13/2004
Wow that was a great ending to a great story! SEQUEL PLEZE! I have a feeling that Piper survived, perhaps... And all will be well with everyone! Bravo Piccolo9!
| Sweet N. Petite chapter 6 . 2/22/2004
Aw... poor Stratus.
| Sweet N. Petite chapter 5 . 2/22/2004
See, told ya I'd review! Aw, evil cliffhangers! I do 'em too! _ But this is a real good story, regardless. Oh what's gonna happen? Must read on!
| okusama chapter 45 . 2/16/2004
OMG! just read last two chaps over again and OMG. Piper died! my fav character...but like Stratus said, he died for the planet. em, sounds like something Goku would do. Ah! they rule. ; )
my internets been down for the last couple of weeks and so ive been drained of all i love! its killing me, need to release creative energy BADLY.
I dont beleive this is over though! its like an end of a journey (and omg, how...tacky that sounded!)
but its true, u ave to do a squel or start a new stroy which was as good as this. it was written so well, some people on this site just dont appreciate good writin.
well, gotta go catch up soon
| Manga-lunatic chapter 7 . 2/10/2004
Hello Hello! This was a good chapter, although i have a little advice for you.
1. Just make sure you write everything in the third person narrative. Usually when you're writing a story about other people and stuff, everything is in the past tense...like you're telling a campfire story.
ex. The young man sat next to the young woman by the stream. She was lost in thought, staring at the rolling waters. What could he say to her about the war? What could he do to make it better?
He had never been in this kind of situation before, and he was feeling very weird. Suddenly the young woman stood up and screamed into at the sky, cursing everything for her loss.
...something like that.
2. Make sure that you use the right words in your sentences to get your point across. I know that sometimes we writers get words mixed up, for example: Their and there, your and you're, Thought, though, through, thorough, stuff like that.
3. Also, make sure that you use the correct plurals on your words and stuff.
4. Put a little more description in the story. the buildings, surroundings, sounds in the air, clothing, things like that. when you describe the environment and stuff, it makes the reader feel as if they're there. You don't need a whole lot, but a bit more than you've got right now. it make the picture more complete, and also lengthens your story.
5. put a little more thoughts and things in the story from the characters, it helps character development and enhances the readers understanding of them too.
All in all, you've used all these points in your story, just not to its fullest. You have a good story going and if you remember to do these things all the time, it'll be even better.
_-I'll still be reading you're fic, and i'll still give you comments and advice when i've got the time. Collage is getting very hard at the moment, so keep at it.
Oh yeah, thanks for reviewing mine, i appreciate it. Hopefully i'll be able to post faster than i have. i've got two stories i'm writing right now; my Final Fantasy fic and my Harry Potter Fic. So, thanks again.
| okusama chapter 44 . 2/5/2004
"Look after." He spat up some blood and then continued. "Look after Luna." And that was it. His eyes drifted shut and he fell limp on the icicle that was his death.
ah! thats SAD.
...but hell, its all good!
Fightin scenes are ure speciality. it also reminded me alot of a FF game, jus shows u can write it.
on to da next chap...
(oh, 'sparkle sparkle' is a friend 'o' mine. so..dont be scared.)
| VideliGohan chapter 12 . 1/28/2004
hey there! another great chap! goin on
| okusama chapter 35 . 1/28/2004
o, and so it continues...
i gota feelin that is gonna b ONE nifty fight...eheheh. *rubs fingers together like * Excellent.
"Oh great. More psychotic evil bastards trying to destroy the world." Cid moaned
That was my fav. line in this chappie - i luv it wen dey stuff like that! _
OMG dis is random of me but...its, like, snowing! YEA! been out in it ALL day...ahem. im jus a LITTLE excited, u see.
So yah dude, keep postin!
| okusama chapter 34 . 1/25/2004
This fic really does have a little bit of everything in it. I love it.
Gosh, it sure were angsty at the beginning...the converstaion between them all was really good...poor Vincent. I really felt for him there, wata decision to ave to make thou...
Nice ending too. (lol, i suppose thats a wierd thang to say considerin thay were jus ina battle an all. but thats jus me. all blood an guts.
| okusama chapter 33 . 1/23/2004
*wipes head* phew.
wowa, heavy dude. lol.
that was certainly long...but so worth it. AH and you haven't even been writing it long! only a couple of months. wowa nelly thats good, really not amateur work either...
Of course, now ive read it for you and sang my praises like a good girl - i expect an update dearie.
but until then... *wips cloak around*
| okusama chapter 32 . 1/23/2004
AH good good good good! wat else can i say?
| okusama chapter 26 . 1/23/2004
OMG love this, the whole story gets better wiv each chapter...but WHY havent you more reviews? r people out there really that stoopid? no, dont answer that actually. *snide smirk*
u should ave more, its *scandalous*!
...yah. (insert jim carrys voice from bruce almighty here) Its good, GOOD.
| okusama chapter 13 . 1/23/2004
sorry, another random little likey line of mine.."Damn Vincent, don't you knock?"
oh, i like this chappie.
Piper sure is interestin...
| okusama chapter 6 . 1/23/2004
this IS random of me but i really like this line...it was just timed well..."This doesn't look good Lance."
heh. i liked. it was good. (i think im gunna start repeatin myself too lol)
| okusama chapter 5 . 1/23/2004
ah good on to da next one...