|Reviews for Unknown|
| SnowEyes chapter 5 . 1/8/2004
thank you. that is all.
| nessie6 chapter 5 . 11/11/2003
Wow. Great story! Update asap! Ahh! Pietro! Is it weird that I can read a good Pietro death fic or an angst fic, even though he's my favorite character? That I actually LOOK for those kinds of stories? Wait...How long has he been missing? How long have they been looking for him? Oh, Poor Wanda! What about the other BH, how did they react? Or do the BH even know yet? What's wrong with Rogue? All these questions! Well update asap!
| pixie stix addict chapter 5 . 11/11/2003
omg. that wasn't nice! evil evil cliffie! good chapter though. i'm going to go burn cliffies at the stake.
| deleria chapter 3 . 10/15/2003
Yeah, you're good with the dialogue. And I dig Pietro so this was a fun chapter to read.
I hope you're still working on this, Snowy. So far, so good!
| deleria chapter 2 . 10/15/2003
Good chapter. The dialogue was done well and I thought you did a good job with Evan.
(goes to next chapter...)
| Olhado chapter 3 . 9/23/2003
I love the interplay between Wanda and Pietro - never seen it finer. I love the careful detail on the carnival that never happened, the snippy, wry, sarcastic little wrist-flicks-of-a-phrase and the rat metaphor. Rats rock and so forth.
See, they can be friends! Happy Wanda and Pietro . . . and then you throw in the foreshadowing and maybe not happy. What is Pietro going to do, eh . . .
| Crash chapter 2 . 9/17/2003
No... No this is definately not the same storie I betaed. They both have the word 'Evan' in it, and probably a few more like 'the' and 'a', but that's really about it...
Nicely done. The presentation/format and all that were much better than what I betaed. Few odd little grammar flubs, but very readable.
Now, I think this is why most people don't like Evan...Me included...Because Evan was never given this sort of treatment in the series. He was never...likable...In stories that centered around him. He only had cool moments as an extra, and was totally lame in the spots focusing on him. Here... He's sympathetic. He's dealing with some problems, but he's not being whiny or needlessly rebellious while doing so. And free-styling in the sewars with a scratch-built skateboard, that's just cool.
Heh, Berserker has become quite the character these last few seasons. Went from being a forgotten dead guy with a bad mohok to a likable guy with a decent sized fandom. And after X-Treme Measures, I even found myself liking the guy... So... A Ray/Scales make-up or am Evan/Scales get-together?
Well, good luck in managaing your time, and here's hoping you manage some more work on the story. 'Til later.
| Olhado chapter 2 . 9/16/2003
Excellent! The voice is catchy and Evan is seldom written with such pride - it's nice to see fics where his life with the Morlocks is explicated. Your writing is skillful and engaging and the dialogue has spark and wit - Berserker rocks and Scaleface is fun.
A note on the sewers - I'm impressed with how much detail and slime you put in. I was feeling rather dank and damp myself by the end.
Do continue - this is fascinating.
(Nit-pick: Callisto, not Callistro)
| Olhado chapter 1 . 9/16/2003
(I'm going to do a quick beta for this chapter only - take or leave any impressions or suggestions)
There was a window. A small one, curved upwards above her head, showing shadows cracked over the white sheets (nice), torn with holes and spread across the floor (the context here makes it uncertain whether it's the shadows that are torn or the sheets). They had tried to make her move, unto (should probably substitute "onto") the thick, soggy thing that creaked when sat upon, moaning through the rusty springs. Eyes hid under there, yes, eyes, big open yellow ones that stared at her and made her choke (nice). They’d laughed at her, made her move; she’d dragged, and ran. And They had come for her, again, locking her up in There, and locking the door, and laughing while she screamed and while her eyes turned white and red, with hot liquid seeping through (this is awkward - she's crying, right, and her eyes are bloodshot? It's confusing, but not terribly pretty, reword) , and the window watched all.
Clouds showed (consider another word - "appeared" or something) through, through (only one "through" advisable) the walls; the shadows drifted across her face, her mouth open, her bound feet tugged tight (I don't like the word "tugged" - too wussy for the context, I think). The shadows were inverted, of course; scratched this way and that, miscalculated drops (I like this sentence, but the setting is confusing. What are the drops doing there? Rain, snowmelt?) dripping on through the crevices made by the bars.
And she laughed, because they wouldn't get her. They couldn't. (In the context, this doesn't quite seem to fit. Add more defiance previous?)
Good, imagestic, just make sure they're proper images! Going on!