|Reviews for The True Princess|
| DanceOfTheEntWives chapter 17 . 1/6/2008
wohoo go amy go amy _
| NeoMiniTails chapter 2 . 5/22/2006
Like one of your reviewers... I was intrigued by the beginning but this chapter made me hate this story. Ami is so OOC... everyone is. You uxt not know much about the show and you turned Ami ino someone else... a mary sue.
Sorry but I didn' like it.
| BunnyAino chapter 2 . 9/21/2005
This is fairly well written for a betrayal fic. Grammar looks good, punctuation is good, spelling is good, except for a few minor errors. Characters are in character for the most part, but please try to keep Ami and Usagi (Serena) in character more. Show a little more of Ami's kind, gentle nature. As for Usagi, she wouldn't just decide to kick Ami off the team all of a sudden (and she wouldn't have the authority to either. She may be the princess, but she doesn't have authority over her protectors. The only ones who would more than likely be able to do that would be Luna and Artemis because they are the guardians.). Also, just a little warning, but the betrayal plot has been used several times and there are people who might send nasty flames to you if you're not careful. Anywho, looks pretty good.
| BlueRedemption chapter 2 . 1/8/2005
"SailorStar9: Pretty please read and review with a cherry on top.. "
Well, you asked for a review, so here it is.
When I read the first chapter, I was extremely intrigued. It seemed a litle cliche, but I waved it off in hopes of a promising Ami story.
Ami is one of my fav scouts because of her personality. She truly is the brains of the group and the senshi certainly wouldn't have got very far without her help.
But the hope for a good Ami fic after reading this chapter was blown up into fine dust as soon as I got to the fourth line of this chapter. THE FOURTH LINE!
I will completely and utterly truthful with you even if I might hurt you, just so you know what you have done wrong and hopefully, you won't make that mistake again.
Before I start, I'd like to commend you about your writing styke. Over all, it's not bad. It's just your story's plot that really irks me.
I may be a newbie, but I know what is a good fic and what is overly stretched.
Before you started this chapter. You have made it clear that you are fed up with Usagi-gets-betrayed stories. I understand that. After all, we know that Usagi's scouts would NEVER EVER do that.
But what you shouldn't do is make an Ami-gets-betrayed fic. I suppose you've probably flamed all those authors that write Usagi-gets-betrayed fics? But look what you've done. You did the same, only the character you have used is Ami. Can you say, 'hypocritical'?
Surely you don't think that you could get away with writing a betrayal fic for Ami without expecting the same critism that Usagi-gets-betrayed fics do, do you?
First of all, sweet Ami does not swear. She couldn't say crap either. Even if that isn't a swear word.
The senshi would never kick Ami off the team even if she couldn't cast a single attack spell! Petty reasons such as being weak, having no good offensive attacks are stupid reasons as to why Ami should be kicked off and such.
The scouts would NEVER do that.
Serena is too kind, she is extremely loyal to her friends. She would do aynthing for them and would die for them.
Minako is the same, she may be ditzy and rather dumb at times, but she is a good friend of Ami's.
Rei is fiery tempered and often can get a little rude, but she would never intentionally hurt a friend. She was so loyal to Usagi that she had sacrificed her love for Mamoru when she found out Usagi and Mamoru were once lovers.
Makoto is extremely loyal despite her tough facade. She treasures everyone's friendship and would never do anything to break the trust between them.
"Ami retorted, "Serena, how about, over my dead body."" Umm. . . no. That's not the way Ami speaks.
Ami can't perform attacks without transformation. She may have the blood of a Mercurian in her, but since she is a reincarnation, she can't do that. Only the past scout of Mercury in the Silver Millenium can.
Ami does not smirk.
Ami does not boss people around.
Ami is not rude.
This list can go on forever.
What happened to Ami's real character? Where has the shy, sweet Ami disappeared to? The Ami that Naoko Takeuchi intended to have is completely obliterated. She's too OOC in this story. I feel as though you've replaced her with some other character who just goes by the name of Ami.
I understand that you are completely annoyed at the fact that Usagi gets all the 'limelight' but the reason why she does, is because that she is the main character of Sailor Moon.
Why do you think the show is titled Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon (Or Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon)? Obviously because it focuses on Usagi more. She was the main character. She is Sailor Moon.
If the show was intended to focus on Ami, wouldn't you think it be titled, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Mercury?
Writing an Ami-centered fic is all very well, but making it a cliche betrayal fic that you have literally copied from an Usagi-gets-betrayed fic is stupid, ignorant and shows your lack of creativity.
Think about it for a minute.
There are a hundred or more plots to write an Ami-centric fic without having Ami be betrayed by the others.
You've changed Ami into a Mary Sue. Someone who is too perfect that it's too unreal. May I remind you that there is no such thing as perfect. Having a perfect character will make her/him 2D. Impossible to believe.
A hated character. Do you understand?
Instead of wasting all this talent by writing a cliche fic, why don't you put all that energy into making an effort of creating the original Ami that has her real personlity. Try and find a way to pair her with others without changing the personalities of the senshi too.
All of the character in this fic are OOC. Truthfully. . . I hate it.
*Blue looks a reviews* Do you every wonder why you don't get many positive reviews? Or why people flame you? Why most people dislike your stories? Do you? I'll tell you why.
~You haven't taken the time to think of something original. This is a rip off/take off from a cliche Usagi-gets-betrayed fic.
~You have made Ami's personality do a sudden 180. She's not who she is anymore.
~Ami is a Mary Sue.
~Ami is too perfect, making her 2D.
~You are introducing too many things at once. Take it slow. You're rushing it, and it makes it a killer to read.
~All your characters are OOC. That's not a good start to a fic.
~There are no explanations to some events that have occured, leaving a confused reader wondering, 'What the hell!'
This fic is an eye sore to read. I was cringing are I read it. If that was your intention, you did a helluva good job of it.
Next time you write a fic, please, think of something creative and different. Be original. This is not an original fic.
I'm Asian too, and I'm only 15. And I'm surprised at how many fatal mistakes that I've spotted in your SECOND chapter. I expect more from a 20-year-old.
Authors who write this sort of cliche stories are newbies . . . 10 year olds who have yet to develop their imagination.
If stories could kill because of it's horrible plot, I'd be dead before I'm even halfway through this chapter.
I shall take my leave, and I pray that you will open your eyes to your work and see through a readers' point of view how badly it has written.
I beg you to watch re-runs of Sailor Moon and squint and jot down how Ami acts and the way she says things.
| pudding chapter 7 . 1/24/2004
i love this story!
| Rei Ant chapter 16 . 12/19/2003
hey! great story! .~ and thats coming from me, a person who thinks Ami is a weak shenshi! Still love the story...2 bad i'm not in it (sailor mars)...or at least as a nice person...hmm...next time!lol
update soon please!
| Shi no TenshiMegami chapter 15 . 11/15/2003
agian. good story, never seen beyblades cept for one episode but with ur riting style u really dont need to have seen the show that many times and for that i thank u repetedly.
-angel/goddess of death
| insanechildfanfic chapter 15 . 10/31/2003
This is great! I love Ami and Hotaru their my faviorte chacters.
| netta1029 chapter 15 . 10/13/2003
Reported you myself. You have a lemon in here. Some people never learn. Be sure to metion me when you get banned and in your story
| Just-Some-Girl1 chapter 15 . 10/11/2003
Cool story plz write more.
| emptiness-sky chapter 15 . 10/10/2003
I know why FFn took your fic down. You have the fic in the wrong category. This story should be in anime/crossovers since you are using both beyblade and sailor moon. I think its a good story, just post it in the right category and you'll get lots of reviews.