|Reviews for Our Little One|
| Jissy2013 chapter 1 . 3/12
| Guest chapter 14 . 4/22/2013
Type your review for this chapter here...
| America's the Hero chapter 25 . 1/16/2012
I! Love! This! Story! I love your writings! Is the sequel out? I've tried looking for it, but I haven't been able to find it. I know it's like six years since you did this, but it truly is awesome!
| mrs malfoy chapter 25 . 4/29/2009
OMG GREAT STORY! _
| Deliliah and Nathan chapter 3 . 3/8/2008
I like this idea alot. thanks for something to occupy my time
| icefox26 chapter 25 . 2/10/2008
omg this was like the best story although it was kinda confusin around sev's visions and stuff but it was good all the same i loved it when she turned out to be lucy's daughter the was good it was a really good story keep up the good work!_ *_* :}
| Sevita chapter 3 . 12/2/2007
One of the most amazing stories I have ever read from this fandom or any other.
I think you may be my favourite fanfiction writer, I read you're story "You Never Know" years ago somewhere else I think and it was the first Snupin and slash fic I ever read and then I read this fic and found out that you had written YNK.
Well done on the fic and all the others.
On another note I'm really happy that Sev and Sirius got back together on my birthday (Not the year but the day).
| Peals-of-Laughter chapter 25 . 11/18/2007
Excellent story! I can't wait to read the sequel!
| Nienna100 chapter 25 . 8/14/2007
heya, i've just read this for... erm the third time.
It's my bad mood fic - whenever I'm irritated I come and drown myself in this and it makes me feel all better, or cry depending on which chapter I read
But it's a really inspirational fic, I love it
| Reader chapter 25 . 2/27/2007
I liked your story. Olivia was a good OC, which not many fan fiction writers can achieve. Good for you! I liked her pet too. I'd have enjoyed seeing more of it, and learning more about it.
I liked the invention of a new class of magical beings: The Ciddles. Poor Filch, having only one spell he could cast, and that being the detection of Ciddle abilities in others. He'd kill for that. Nice he got some bucks for it. I think squibs are very good with cats, and familiars, though, which is another compensation.
You need to have a beta reader though. You often use prepositions incorrectly. You omit them altogether, or you use to when you mean for, or in when you mean on, etc. On one occasion, your misuse gave a sexual connotation when none was intended.
There are some instances of very odd wording. For instance, I recall that you had Lucius receiving back his consciousness instead of regaining consciousness. There is a difference. To regain something, means to get back or recover what was lost. One may regain something by one's own effort, or with help. To receive something always means someone gave you that something. In any case, the correct idiomatic phrase is "regain consciousness". Another example: you have Lucius opposing something loudly. It would have been better to have said that Lucius protested loudly because protest means to EXPRESS one's opposition. I noticed more, but those two examples should give you an idea. It might help you look through some on-line thesauruses to find the right word you need. I always doublecheck the word by looking it up in the on-line dictionary as well. Sometimes the words are synonymous in one sense, but not in another. The word "get" shows receive and regain as synonyms, but receiving and regaining may not mean the same thing. It can if you lost something, and got it back because someone gave it to you. I don't think consciousness is something you can give to someone...unless you're a deity.
I was extremely confused in the chapter in which Sirius seemed to die, then come back to life. I'm still not sure if that's in the future, or a possible future, or if he really died. Perhaps I was just tired when I read it, and it's my fault entirely.
On the whole, I think you tried to be fair to everyone. You still didn't do justice to the Gryffindors. I was surprised to see that you had Dumbledore say that he had no talent in potions. That would be like Meryl Streep saying she had no talent as an actress: a complete lie. He worked with Nicholas Flammel (the only one to brew up the Philosopher's Stone) remember, discovered twelve uses for Dragon's Blood, etc.? I was also surprised to hear you say that Sirius was good at everything, but not very good at anything? Hello? Animagus at age 15? First or second in every class he took at Hogwarts?
He was brilliant. I did love how you showed how strong he was, and how loving and caring, and humorous. I particularly loved him trying to fly the reindeer at Santaland, and getting them kicked out of the park. I loved how you showed he was good with children, and the scene with sledding was fun. I also loved it when Sirius said that Snape whined. So very, very true. Loved that Snape didn't whine after that. I don't understand how Remus is considered the Alpha Wolf of the world when he's always trying to kill himself. I love Alpha!Remus, uncanon as he is, but I'm not seeing him here. I do see how werewolves in general would be more prone to taking their lives though. Most unbelievable of all was Ron as a villain. It's not as bad as Evil!Dobby, but close to it. If Ron didn't shun him for being a Parseltongue, which he thought was the sign of being the worst and scariest type of wizard, then I doubt he'd abandon him for being gay. Besides, even after that bit of jealousy during GoF, he tried to apologize to Harry, and it was HARRY who kept the feud going for longer than it should, instead of giving the guy the benefit of the doubt. (Besides, he did have reason to think Harry would break rules to do something didn't he?) The Gryffindor in Harry's year who would be most likely to be prejudiced would be Seamus. He turned against Harry due to what the papers and his mom said against Harry, in spite of knowing Harry for all that time, and knowing he wasn't insane. Molly would turn against anyone for any reason if she thought they would hurt her sons, including Harry. She certainly turned against Hermione, even though she should have known better.
| white soul chapter 25 . 10/6/2006
i am addicted to your fics...
this one has happy times angst then twists that is so unexpectable i like that bout your fics...and the suspense and cliffhangers...omg...my heart just stop beating
when all is happy happy there's an incoming angst scene when i least expect it!
lala...this made me laugh,cry and smile in front of the computer screen...thanks!
keep it up!
| Kali09 chapter 25 . 8/20/2006
| snapesgirl34 chapter 1 . 7/26/2006
This story shows promise, but for the love of god, a temporary uterus! It just... broke my brain...
| FluffySmarts chapter 1 . 7/23/2006
i love this story!
| Equestrienne Dreams chapter 25 . 6/19/2006
Alright. Allow me to say, first of all, that the concept is NOT a bad idea. In fact, this would be my dream story, but for one little thing... The utter OOC-ness that are Lucius and Remus. Allow me to give you a few pointers:
1)CHANGE THE PAIRINGS. I have nothing against slash, but this isn't working. Dumbledore/McGonagall, Lupin/Tonks, or Molly/Arthur would work (as would Harry/Ginny or Ron/Hermione) if you sub them in for Lucius/Remus. Which leads me to point
2)Temporary uterus syndrome is a no-no. Shouldn't happen. MAKE THE COUPLES HETEROSEXUAL. Again, nothing against slash, but it's not working.
3)Send your chapters to your beta BEFORE you post them. I'm beta-ing a wonderful story for a girl with a form of dyslexia, and once I cleaned up the grammar errors, her story was getting rave reviews. The same could happen for you... and I mean rave reviews by authors who are really and truly respected on this site.
Now, for the good points:
1)Olivia is not too Sue-ish. Slightly, but that really can't be helped with an OC, particularly of the female variety.
2)No purple prose. This is the hardest error to fix IMHO. Some might wish for more description... that's up to you. But you haven't run away with it and I'm impressed.
3)Spelling/grammar seem to be typos, or English being your second (or possibly third) language. This could be fixed by following point number 3 in the tips section.
Thus ends the constructive part of my review. Feel free to PM or email me if you want to discuss anything... you clearly have some talent, possibly a lot, and I'd like to see it come to life. This story is salvageable... you just have to know how.
*Frivolity n' Felines*