Reviews for The Hinata Defense Force
SockMan chapter 3 . 9/22/2005
This is definately one of the better LH fanfics out there. Well written and very entertaining, it's also one of the better parodies. There's not really anything I can suggest and the comments made by the previous review pretty much sums up my thoughts as well.

After such a long hiatus I don't expect you to continue the story. I'd love to read more even - though I generally know how it's going to end.
tbp chapter 3 . 8/25/2004
Sure this hasn't been updated in what, seven months? Sure, you're on a hiatus at the moment. And sure, your interest for finishing this story might have waned. But do you know something?

I really do not give a damn.

This story is, and I say this without much doubt, one of the better pieces that populate the endless fields of trash littering the Love Hina section of this site. It has everything a good story needs. A fairly original plot (Though it does seem similar to Power Rangers and the show it ripped off, Voltron... but *cough*, let's not go into that now.), inventive use of an insane mad scientist (Gotta love Su-chan...), and some of the funniest interactions between Sarah and Su that I have ever seen. And beside the point it's portrayed Kanako, one of my favorite characters, in an interesting light, especially in chapter three. Either way, damn good story. Continue on... when you can that is.

And on a side note, if this has been in any way motivational, yee ha. We all need a good kick in the ass when it comes to writing.
Bird-Chaos chapter 2 . 1/5/2004
PS: You're right. You do smell funny.
Bird-Chaos chapter 3 . 1/5/2004
Dear Mr. Wraith.
This story is simply amazing. Simply amazing. You're a quite talented writer, and I'm impressed with your abilities of descripiton: Even more so with your humour (all though none of your story made me laugh out loud, it was consistently funny :) )
I'd probably put this story up in my favourites along with your previous "What The Dickens?" (Originally "Tales of Moderate Intrest", which I never reviewed on account of my inability to think of anything to say) and "Tales of the Rotten" by someone-magician, if my memory doesn't fail me I think it's Chris.
Anyways, I'm rambling. Right, the story.
Things that make your story good:
One can tell (Or at least another writer can) when an author proofreads. It shines out in their work, even if it's just once. The words are better chosen, there are none of those inconvient "accidental spaces" or any typos, It just really, really helps. For example, I didn't proofread this review. Feel free to laugh at all and any faults. :)
Proofreading not only serves as a good way to make your story more readable, but also draws the reader in, (I sound far too much like my english paragraphs) for example, I get a mental image in my head of what your story is about, It may not be the exact image you're going for, but I like my mental image. I see the people battling, I see the glowing pan, I see the evil turtle, I see the scurrying, busy, ant-like colony of the Mecha-Tamas. "What does this have anything to do with proofreading?" you ask. Well, when you've got this mental image, you're kinda "in" the story, if you know what I mean. You can feel it, hear it, see it, taste it... (I could never smell stories)Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is, any unwanted errors or bad words take you out of that state of mind, Just like that.
-Descriptive language
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Excuse me for sounding like my english teacher but, descreptive language really draws the reader into your story, and gives me that mental image I mentioned above.
-Things I didn't really like-
Nothing really stands out at the moment, however, once you're finished (or at least a few more chapters are uploaded) I'll reread it and try to give some constructive criticism.
Hope I helped!
-(Someone you've never heard of before, probably because I'm still working on my first fic.)
Cyberwraith9 chapter 2 . 11/24/2003
Seeing as how I always review your work at least once, let's get this over with, shall we? Ahem: You're a terrible, awful person, and I hope all the bad things in the world happen only to you. However, the fic is halfway decent. Try not to give Keitaro so much backbone, no matter how constructive it is to your tiny little plot-like storyline.


And you smell funny.
GSPhoenix chapter 2 . 11/8/2003
so far so good, you might be able to fill up a chapter with a few overdone transformation sequences and Keitaro being used as a projectile weapon ;-)
Baka-Alaskan chapter 2 . 11/8/2003
Great Story, this is really good. Can't wait for more.

* A Baka-Alaskan/SFFAL review. Shinobu fans United in FanFiction. *
KevinEC chapter 2 . 11/8/2003
Dear lord, it's Power Rangers.

Okay, maybe not. It is however a good story, in my opinion. I look forward to the next update.

Mechanical turtles are nice, but evil spirit controled ones needs to be sent back to where ever they come from.
TheSilverFox06 chapter 2 . 11/7/2003
The burning question in everybody's mind is: what does Tama think about all of this?

Tama: "Myu?"

That's what I thought.
jennyjennai chapter 1 . 10/25/2003
Very good! You did a great job with the characters and dialogue. It was a good mixture of comedy and seriousness that works well. I could find nothing wrong technically with the fic and it was pleasant to read as well. Keep up the good work.
Alias the Jester chapter 1 . 10/23/2003
This is great so far!

Action, Adventure, and Humour are all present in abundance. Good chapter length, story pace, content.

Looking forward to chapter two!
High King Isaac chapter 1 . 10/23/2003
*Rolls on ground with laughter*HAHAHAHA! Please...update...soon!
TheSilverFox06 chapter 1 . 10/23/2003
Great story! One thing that disturbs me though - how did Su manage to get a mold of all their bodies?
Baka-Alaskan chapter 1 . 10/23/2003
This is a great story! I love and I can't wait for the next chapter!

* A Baka-Alaskan/SFFAL review. Shinobu fans United in FanFiction. *