Reviews for Tales of Shining Wire
Tawnyfeather chapter 20 . 6/29/2006
Please make a sequal, or at least make this one longer. I'm just dying to know what happens next! Please!
clara200 chapter 11 . 4/25/2005
they fought well.
clara200 chapter 8 . 4/25/2005
It will be very hard for them to get use to acting like normal rabbits.
Hereward the White chapter 3 . 10/14/2004
I'd like to say something about the line "' Rabbit out of hill'". WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN? That line doesn't make a lick o' sense!
Alteng chapter 20 . 4/13/2004
Flash was right though. Rabbits die often. That is one of those things that Watership Down was all about. There was a lot death and destruction going on by predators. Of course, Flash was being a pain in the posterior about the whole thing of saving Thistle.
The time jump was a bit confusing, though, but my brain goes on hld every once and awhile. So, I get confused every once and awhile.
It seems that Splotch is making himself useful. Hopefully everything will go well with him.
Alteng chapter 19 . 3/15/2004
Geez! Are you going on spring break, too! Ragweed has left for places unknown, and she will not be writing for awhile!
Yes, this was quite an interesting chapter. A lot of action going on here. The fight scenes are a bit rough in the wordings, but the story is interesting.
It will be intersting in having Horace, Snowfoot, Flash, and especially Splotch introduced to Cowslip. Keep in the back of your mind that there is a very real possiblity that the rabbits of Cowslip's warren will be prejudice against Splotch, because he is not a rabbit. It is a nasty fact of life, what is different is singled out.
Unitl next time.
Alteng chapter 18 . 3/2/2004
Interesting little chapter. I am having problems with the author alert thingie, so I am falling behind on alot of my reading. I am glad that Corona made it back to the burrow in time, but it would have been interesting if he were caught by the fox. After all, the emotion is played up for him. I'm still wondering what you will end up doing about this fox. He isn't about to leave real soon, since the hunting is so good.
I am also wondering about Snowfoot, Spotch, Horace, and the other bunny, that I can't rememberhis name. How are they faring against this fox, especially since they have not a warren yet, nor have they approached the Warren of Shining Wires yet. Am I too impatient? :)
Alteng chapter 17 . 2/17/2004
I was worried there when you didn't post lat week!
You explain a lot about the fox. It is going to be a hard decsision of what to do about him and the wife. He is killing and eating the heroes, and the baby foxes need to eat also. You have created sympathy for the foxes, and it is good to remember that there is always at least two sides of the story.
A mild complaint. I don't think that Rouge would know such details about the name of the rabbit, like Cowslip is the chief and Winters Wrath being the owsla leader. She would likely know about the existence of the snares, and that being the reason the rabbits act odd. She would also know about the disappearance of said snares. I think she would even hear tales of Winter Wrath ventures, but I don't think that she would know her name.
Kepp writing! I look forward to 18!
Alteng chapter 16 . 2/2/2004
Two in one day! :) Anyway, same grammical problems as before. You lost a word or two here and there, and a couple of letters got lost in words. I know how it is to not proof read my stuff. The fox attack scene is a bit shaky. I was also taught that short sentences will convey a sense of urgency in these matters. You are good at showing bitterness and hatred as well as remorse in some of the rabbits. It is a horrible thing to see one slaughtered, whether friend or foe.
So, what's up with this fox. I wonder about that stench. Lots of things stink in the stuff I write, but I tend to write fantasy and undead things run amuck, you know. I also look forward to seeing Horace and the gang join up with Cowslip's gang. Splotch should make an interesting impression upon them!
Until next week . . .
Alteng chapter 15 . 2/2/2004
You are still going along strong. I had problems last week with getting the story printed up. Somehow, I got another copy of Chapter 1. Oh well, anyway, the story is still going strong. You need to watch some typos and grammical errors. "Strait" is a geographical term. You mean straight. "Too" means the same thing as "also". You use "to" a lot of times when you mean "too".
You also need to use something other than said for the characters quotation. I know, you do sometimes, but variety is the spice of the story, When I was in school (many many years ago) I once had an assignment to write a story without using "said". It was a pain in the butt, but it was a good exercise. A "said" here and there is nice, but there are many other ways to say it.
I'm surprised that the stoats didn't get in another attack on the journeying rabbits . . . or at least yet. Is Bramble lunch, yet? :) The other thought I have, is how does this group know what an owsla is? Was Flash from a warren one time? I have forgotten . . . duh?
pIPPINpIRATE chapter 8 . 2/1/2004
2 lazy 2 log-in
HEY! I really like this story, It's completely original, and you can't find too many of those stories on this website anymore!
Is COwslip going to get replaced? Um, something to think about, the story is fine, but don't forget to start a new paragraph every time a new person is speaking!
lol, thanx for the review! just imagine, rabbits doing karate! *stares off into space*
Cherrio! Keep writing!
Alteng chapter 1 . 1/22/2004
Interesting chapter. Why is Mallow's family against him telling this story. They did nothing wrong, unless they are worried about the reaction of the warren about the family living on the outskirts because of the snares.
I like the little flashback scene, but I was a little confused. Maybe a colon (:) at the end of this line
Mallow sat down and let his mind drift back to his younger days at the Ashley Warren Down.
instead of the period would help in the scene shift.
All the thoughts for now. Until the next chapter.
Alteng chapter 13 . 1/15/2004
Lucky 13! :) I like that Pimpernal has acquired a friend. I have a couple of little nit pickies . . .
"With all the force he could muscle," You mean "muster" not "muscle"
"and I think Cowslip will through you out of the warren. " The "through" should be "throw"
and lastly,
"you're going strait to hell." You mean "straight" instead of "strait".
Computers are wonderful things, but the computer experts haven't figured out how to make one that knows how to correct content. as long as it's a word, it'll float. :)
Alteng chapter 12 . 1/12/2004
Yes, you are moving right along. I do wonder what kind of conflict Flash, Horace, Splotch, and Snowfoot are going to have in entering the Warren of the Shining Wire. Of course, the stoats first. I am troubled by one line in particular.
Splotch came charging over, but before he could skull bash one of them, the two stoats surrounding him tackled him and started to kill him.
I don't like the word "kill" in the sentence, because the stoats didn't actually kill him in this chapter. Maybe if you said went for his throat or vitals, it would be better. This suggests that Horace is not the only one with major wounds.
Alteng chapter 11 . 1/4/2004
I finally got back to your story. I have been doing reviews for the folk at the Dr. Who section and the folks who have read my goodies. :) So, I haven't forgotten you.
This is the best chapter that you have written so far. A lot of action. I am surpirised that Thistle made it. You have a couple of grammarical errors. I can't find one of them right off, but I do remember you had "to", when you meant "too". "Too" means the same thing as "also". I think I recall you doing this once before. Common boo-boo!
I look forward to your continuing story of Splotch, Snowfoot, and the other fellows . . . Horace and Flash.
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