Reviews for A Vow of Serenity
SleepyReaderIsMe chapter 18 . 8/17/2014
It was amazing! Can't wait to read the fanfic featuring Minako!
AlohaHannah chapter 18 . 7/11/2014
Awww, great story :)
kimchi759 chapter 18 . 4/20/2014
It was so much fun seeing your writing improve chapter by chapter and watching events unfold with increasing clarity. Definitely favorited. :)
kimchi759 chapter 7 . 4/19/2014
I'm confused...I don't remember Serenity ever telling Rei she was a princess. Confuzzled to the extreme
kimchi759 chapter 4 . 4/19/2014
I keep getting the feeling Kenn is Ami...or something like that. Let me backtrack before I assume and make an arse out of myself.
Kasienda chapter 18 . 1/18/2014
This is a fantastic piece of work! I was hooked from the very beginning. Your style is just so perfect and... versatile. For example, your prologue has the FEEL of an oral tradition/legend that has been passed through the generations. Then when you move onto the main part of the story, the narration changes to... well, I don't know how to describe it. But it was completely immersive. Have you read any Mercedes Lackey? It felt like the beginning of Talia's adventure. She's in a world that she's existed in, but she doesn't quite fit. You show this so well with events, character interactions, and eavesdropping. You never state the obvious. You never state how Serenity is feeling. You show it by describing her physical reactions or her perception of the world around her with colorful metaphors that you don't repeat so it never gets old and always feels natural.

You describe a scene so well! I honestly have a tendency to skip over or skim through description in most novels and stories I read because I just want to get to what happens next! But in your story, this was not the case. I found myself just as engaged with your description as much as anything else. But I think this is because you use the description to further convey the mentality of your characters. The details of a room or a market place convey Serenity's awe or excitement as well as set the scene.

And you can do combat! Both one on one and full armies clashing! Your battles - whether they are with live steal (or fire and moonlight as the case may be) or simply sparring matches - are filled with action and tension and with amazing diversity and pacing.

And of course, your characterizations are spot on! I love the way in which you have made Mina and Serenity similar because of their shared common experiences, but in many ways they are also different. I think your portrayal of Rei's gradual acceptance of Serenity was well done and was so glad to see you express the inner struggle she had to go through to accept Serenity. Ami and Makoto also stayed very true to form though they did not feature as prominently in your story (which is totally expected with a story this epic and a cast this large). Though I do wonder what happened to Luna... and the others that were exiled to Elysian.

But I think what impressed me most about this whole work is how cohesive the whole story line and plot structure is. You have pieces in the first chapter that don't necessarily seem significant - like the rising tables in the grand hall - that circle round and become part of the solution at the end. Similarly, you have lots of foreshadowing that are obviously significant that you don't forget about and become resolved later - such as the sealed off room and the magical sword.

A few things that confused me or don't quite ring true:

-Who exactly tampered with Serenity's mage trials? Her sister? Her father? But that would mean they knew who she was and would come after her, would it? Demando? It was never truly clear where his loyalties lie, but that kind of makes his character more dynamic and interesting.

-The part where Serenity agreed to stay safe. I realize she eventually disregards this, but I don't see her character ever agreeing to it at all. She is very much accustomed at this point I think to being in the thick of things. But the part that was screaming in my head as it was happening was the vision the outters had shared with her. She HAD to be there to fight Beryl with her crystal sword that Hotaru made her or all was doomed!

- Serenity is far too mentally healthy, stable and confident considering she's been neglected and isolated (and probably emotionally abused) all of her life. She comes to her vows and doesn't really have much trouble holding on to them. Whereas, someone who has been pushed around a lot is going to have a hard time suddenly breaking that pattern of subservience. Now this is a problem I find runs rampant in writing in general - fantasy in particular, so its not something that I think you actually need to change. Just want to throw it out there I guess.

- One technical detail that I don't actually care about, but because I'm a physics teacher I feel compelled to point out because most others won't be able to. When Serenity defeats the wiseman she is described as ripping nucleus from protons. Really, since the nucleus is made of protons and neutrons, it should be the other way around as "ripping protons from nuclei". However, this in general would be a bad idea as splitting the atomic nucleus is what causes an... atomic explosion... Though in general, it was quite the descriptive language! And physics is usually ignored in fantasy/sci-fi anyway...

I was thrilled with some comments you began making in your author's notes about turning this into a published work. Because there's nothing about that necessarily has to scream "Sailor Moon". It feels like the best kind of epic fantasy. And if you changed the names of characters and kingdoms and a few hair colors and styles/colors of crystals I don't think someone reading it would even recognize it as Sailor Moon even if you keep all the characterizations of our senshi intact! So I think you could do it even without the massive editing you were suggesting in one of your author's notes.

I really really loved this! It is one of two fanfiction stories that I have ever read that truly felt like professional quality! You have an amazing talent that it seems like you have spent years cultivating. Hope to see some published works show up at Barne's and Noble or Amazon at some point. Don't think I won't check!

Happy Writing!
kelliko chapter 18 . 1/10/2014
It took me a while to finish this because well life but this is one of the best original Sailor Moon fanfics that I've ever read. Besides the minor typos, it's perfect. I hope you do continue writing and making this into a published book! You'll definitely have to post on your bio if you become/are a published writer. I'd definitely buy your books. (:
alPhha chapter 18 . 10/21/2013
Beautiful story!
Unnamed Wanderer chapter 4 . 10/4/2013
Yeah! Go SG1!
Haibara chapter 18 . 7/16/2013
I am very, very happy to have given this story a chance. It was a really great adventure, and I enjoyed delving into an AU featuring Serenity and co.

Thank you so much for your hard work. Definitely will check out your other stories!
Amanga chapter 6 . 5/5/2013
Rei had heard that Elysian's mages were all War Mages

Don’t you mean the other country, not Elysion? Seriously, how did I miss thisstuff before?
Amanga chapter 5 . 5/5/2013
"Serenity, go to Makoto and get boiled water and broth." Kenn demanded.

Kenn didn’t know that Cas was a woman, much less the Princess at this point, otherwise ‘he’ wouldn’t have been so surprised later on in the chapter... I've read this story several times and hadn't caught this mistake before, so I guess it isn't so obvious, but it is an error.
Lady Mischief chapter 5 . 3/25/2013
So far I am very impressed with your story and the scope of imagination to come up with such a tale. I had planned at the end of this chapter to write that it is refreshing to read about Demando in a postitve light, but now with the note he left her I am unsure.
Lune chapter 18 . 1/31/2013
Excellent work. Despite minor typos this story is absolutely wonderful. By far, among the best adventure I have read with this particular pairing. An amazing epic!
From intrigue and betrayal, to action and friendship. This story has been an amazing blend of emotions, characters, and relationships all placed in against a backdrop that is worthy of stories of its own. While not the type to go on and on into the descriptiveness of your setting, you have nonetheless created a fascinating world filled with lore, magic, and adventure that was an absolute delight. Combined with your excellent character building this has been a story to truly savour.
Lune chapter 17 . 1/31/2013
Sorry to interrupt a beautiful story but Endimyion here says he watched his "wife's body" slip rather than Beryl's.
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