|Reviews for The Cleansing|
| Krasna-Volny chapter 4 . 10/28/2011
While your style of writing certainly is promising, I have found that there are several things overall which could use improvement in this story: I noticed, for example, that you give too much detail to combat scenes while downplaying everything else. While this is not always a negative trait, refusing to give a balanced amount of specifics on how a prelude to the actual clashes develops only makes things more confusing. Ditto for the way you have a habit of rambling over the specifics of every single weapon, even in the middle of a fast-paced exchange of fire.
Consequently, your story seems to lack substance. All I see when reading over it is the main character jumping from one blazing massacre from another, with little to nothing described adequately between said fighting. Jumping to the exciting part and skipping over all the dull but necessary bits usually creates an insurmountable flaw in one's writing.
All in all, I truly expected a story which was written like a story, instead of playing out one battle scenario after another after another. It truly wears thin on the reader, even if this is based on "shoot 'em up" scenes inspired by a video game. Understand that personally, I have read over it several times but still come to that conclusion. This opinion may not be shared by members of the community much more used to similar genres.
| jj chapter 1 . 1/28/2005
wow..hi cheah..rmb me..?hehe..yeah i agree with the rest tt it's AWESOME..yeah..no doubts about it..cool man..i had the whole battlefield image in my mind as i read,and this shows how sucessful you are in creating the image in your readers' minds..cool..one of the best stories i've read..and im ain't kidding..
| Viddion chapter 4 . 9/18/2004
Very well written, I think you could make a decent sequel if you wanted to make the effort.
Once again AWESOME :)
| Jinhai chapter 4 . 9/4/2004
Simply amazing! i coun't tear myself away from this one! Reading it made me want to go and play the Fallout games all over again, i could actually see the battles being recreated in my mind in Fallout Tactics missions. Simply incredible!
| bLA bLA bLA chapter 1 . 7/12/2004
Wow! Iroquois Cheah, what an interesting story you have. It is really an awesome story even only after reading the first part of it, and already I have no doubts that the rest of it will be interesting. The start of the story blasted off with Smith, (the main character in the story) in some awesome fire fight with groups of nasty mobs of the city. This set my eyes glued on the screen of my monitor for hours. Although, the story is quite “bloody
| FFAUTHOR chapter 3 . 4/22/2004
Your STory is AWESOME MAN add another chapter I can't wait. Everyone Should read this oh, You might want to attract some members into from some NMA (No Mutants Allowed) Site to maybe increase your reviews. Keep it up, be patient, and hope that the reviews would come
| sulkdodds chapter 3 . 3/18/2004
4 reviews? A disgrace. This brilliantly detailed and gloriously gory fic deserves much more. By all means, continue... ;)
| smith chapter 1 . 12/20/2003
You wrote: "(Note: It is on the borderline between PG-13 and NC-17)"
Why not up the rating to 'R', then?
| Bjrn Fallqvist chapter 1 . 12/15/2003
Very interesting, and great so far. Please keep writing.
| olafur chapter 1 . 11/22/2003
Wow, you've really putt a lot of effort in writing this.
It's very well written, good details and such.
Say, in case you don't know, there's a big fallout webapge called 'No Mutants Allowed'.
The address is
Maybe you should post the story in the forum?
Keep it up!