|Reviews for Betrayed by You :Part I:|
| SeawitchXX chapter 12 . 10/20/2007
Overall you did a great job. I enjoyed it and am going directly to the sequel. And yes, I am going to look up your cross-over piece. Thank you.
| SeawitchXX chapter 11 . 10/20/2007
OK, bad news first. This chapter seems wooden, more OOC than others, especially Vicious' flashbacks and dialog. Umph
Good news. You actually described his tension and anxiety by saying that sweat dripped down his face! I LOVE YOU!
There is 'sweat', noun; that saline sheen we all get when exerting ourselves. There is 'to sweat', verb; the action described above.
There is 'drop', noun; I think that's pretty obvious, as is 'to drop', verb. Time and time again I read stories where people throw these nouns together, "sweatdrop", and use them as a verb, "he/she sweatdropped", and...IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY! Just because the animators draw little drops of sweat on a characters face to show nervousness doesn't mean you should write it that way. Visual depictions don't always translate directly to the written page. Thank you unendingly for NOT falling prey to the temptation!
| SeawitchXX chapter 10 . 10/20/2007
One of the most IC Faye chapters yet. That does make sense, right? Anyway, very good action. I'm loving it. Also; could be wrong, but I seem to recall that a Glock is a 9mm. Most 9mils these days take 15 rounds in the clip, 1 in the chamber (or up the pipe, depending on where your mind is hanging out at the time). Hey don't shoot the messenger, some people really do say it that way. lol
Anyway, there are some 9mils that have a 9 round clip instead of 15, so not to worry. Your doing great.
| SeawitchXX chapter 9 . 10/20/2007
You are correct, Titan was after Spike and Julia left. When Vicious meets Gren he's holding a music box playing a tune that Vicious calls "Julia". However, according to the anime Vicious was buying Redeye from Gren, not the other way around. And I got the impression that it was a one time deal, Gren's way of getting Vicious close enough to kill him. You may not blame Vicious for framing Gren, but he sure as hell did.
This is getting good!
| SeawitchXX chapter 8 . 10/20/2007
I'm not sure I understand what you mean by filler. I assumed it refered to a chapter that was unnecessary to the story line. These last two chapters may have been low octane, (although we have blood spilled in both) but I can't see any other way to transition from Faye and Jet hunting Vicious for bounty on Callisto to Faye helping Vicious fight the syndicate on Mars. Well, OK it could have been done differently, but it wouldn't have been half as good. Anyway, I think these chapters are both good and necessary to the story. No filler from my point of view.
PS, haven't read any InuYasha fanfic yet but Sesshomaru is my favorite character. Good luck with the cross-over.
| SeawitchXX chapter 6 . 10/20/2007
I like how hard your working to keep Vicious IC even while he is beginning to open up. Showing us bits of his past and his reasons for being so angry all the time, very imaginative. Your grammar does still need some work, but it's actually getting a little better. keep up the good work.
| SeawitchXX chapter 3 . 10/20/2007
I agree that the writing style needs a little work but I'm enjoying the story line. I've been reading the reviews as well. Is it me or does Insomni-maniac remind you of Edward. Same strange speech patterns, etc. Edward likes your fic! Kind of cool when you think about it.
| KAOSUSCHI chapter 12 . 5/22/2006
Yay, I thoroughly enjoyed this. There are too few ViciousxFaye fictions, and so I was happily surprised that yours is really an ecellent one to read.
| Cassandra chapter 11 . 7/22/2005
Hey I know this isn't a review but you said you were having problems posting chapters at one point. The same thing is happening to me, could you help me? How were you able to correct it?
| msmiyabi chapter 12 . 6/4/2005
The story was good but I hate the cliffhanging ending. I was know what happened to Vicious and Faye you should continue the story or make a Sequal. Hopefully Vicious and Faye hook up I love VxF stories.
| Black Panther chapter 1 . 5/10/2005
I LOVE YOUR STORY AND PLEASE I NEED THE EPI. VICIOUS AND FAYE ARE SUPPOSE TO BE TOGETHER PLEASE IM SURE MANY WOULD REVIEW AND LOVE THIS STORY VERY MUCH BUT I LOVE IT TOO AND IM SURE MANY LOVE IT ALREADY ILL WAIT BYE
| BabyGooGoo2 chapter 12 . 11/20/2004
| Pingouin chapter 12 . 8/8/2004
great story! :D
| teardrops2m chapter 12 . 7/18/2004
Good story. Hope to read more of it.
| Jade chapter 12 . 6/18/2004
please continue the story is gtreat but i did not like the ending FAYE should have stayed with VICIOUS and lived a happy life maybe you could do that on the next chappie.