|Reviews for Mobius of Time|
| helleboros chapter 1 . 3/29/2008
A promising start, though you may want to watch your contractions (e.g. you should never use "info" instead of "information").
Your dialogue is pretty good, too, but sometimes the rest of your writing starts sounding a bit like dialogue as well, which isn't so good. For example, you wrote the following: "In the center of the cave was this old beat up pillar that would be a perfect place for cover while they attacked the Lucifer Hawk." This is good as dialogue, because people speak like that: "... and then there was this huge rock in the middle of the road ..." Outside of dialogue, prose should be a little more formal, e.g. "A beat-up pillar stood at the centre of the cave, which they decided would provide perfect cover from the Lucifer Hawk's attack."
Anyway, otherwise this seems like it'll be quite an entertaining story :). I'm looking forward to seeing where you take it. I'd like it if Rally got to turn up and kick their Aes Sedai butts.
Ops ... sorry :). I read up to about Book 6 of the Wheel of Time, maybe a bit further, and came away from it utterly loathing the Aes Sedai, not to mention just about every other female character Jordan wrote about. As a woman, it makes it really hard for me to like a series if I can't find a female character I can identify with!
I'm looking forward to reading more of this :).
| Ginnia chapter 1 . 3/28/2008
Good first chapter. I wonder what happens when the girls go to Tal Valon. Is this before or after the break in the tower? I really hope you get back to writing on this story.
| Ranma-41 chapter 1 . 11/28/2003
Great, another Silent Mobius story! It's been awhile since a new fanfic was posted.
Looks interesting. Are you gonna bring in the rest of Silent Mobius gang into Randland?