|Reviews for Relativity|
| Braly chapter 12 . 2/18/2013
...WHAT'S THE IDEA?! (Must. Read. Sequel!)
This was an excellent story. You did such a good job with all the characters, the plot, the everything!
And "damn those northern genes;" I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. :P
Anyway, I'm sure you will hear from me again in 'Here Comes Trouble!'
| Braly chapter 11 . 2/18/2013
The run-on sentences work well for Quicksilver- It really gives you the sense of how much faster his mind is working than everyone else's. And how he kept on returning to the fact that he couldn't run.
| Braly chapter 10 . 2/18/2013
Sorry I haven't reviewed in a while- ;
Great fight scene. Those can be hard to write sometimes, but you did an excellent job. Also, that last part with Northstar hitting Cyclops- BRILLIANT.
| Braly chapter 9 . 2/17/2013
Gambit and Storm are such bros. That little scene alone made me very happy, haha.
| Braly chapter 5 . 2/17/2013
SINISTER IS IN THIS TOO?! Geez, just when you couldn't get more pumped!
| Braly chapter 4 . 2/17/2013
"I'll be here as long as she is." PERFECT. So in character it's just perfect.
Also, I've been looking foreword to finally reading from his POV. It was just as satisfying as I imagined. _
| Braly chapter 3 . 2/17/2013
I'm an avid Jean-hater, but I must say, for a chapter in her POV, you did a good job at keeping me from ripping my hair out, and that says something. XD
I really like the sisterhood that seems to be blooming between the two of them though.
| Braly chapter 2 . 2/17/2013
You write from Wolverine's point of view perfectly; really nailed the dry sense of humour he's so good at.
You should know that when I came across this fic by a fluke, I nearly freaked. I happen to be a HUGE Northstar fan too. X-Men Evolution was such an interesting universe to watch, I look foreword to reading about him inside it. And his sister as well of course, but I find her annoying just as much as I like her, haha.
Anyway, this is a very good start. I love her you've mixed the two cannon universes together so far. I have the tendency to squeal anytime a comic reference is made. ;
| FemaleSpock chapter 12 . 10/3/2008
This fic is so awesome, so many comments that Northstar said made me laugh for ages.
| tripleT.Vo chapter 12 . 1/6/2008
Read this fic on a rec from another author, and I'm surprised that you didn't get more reviews on it! You've really written all the characters well, and did a great job of introducing Northstar and Aurora to the X-men: Evo cast. :)
| JaxWin chapter 12 . 7/19/2007
Okay, I know that I'm reviewing a story that you finished, like, four years ago, but I was flipping randomly through the archives and I didn't see too many stories with real, from-the-comic characters. SO, I thought I would congratulate you (better late than never...) on you excellent work on this story. Oh yeah, and this is just a comment/question so you don't even have to bother replying to my review, but if the story kept going for a while, then would you put in Jean-Paul's thing for Bobby eventually? Keep on writing (sorry, but I haven't had time to look at your other stories)!
| author-fanatic chapter 12 . 12/19/2006
A few short moments ago, I finished your (hopefully unfinished) trilogy of the Beaubier twins in Evo universe. I was completely astounded by your writing styles, engaging dialogue, original plots and subplots and the way you put new spins on character (such as Alex being gay) but still kept them in character.
Please do not take my compliments lightly. It's very rare that I read anything longer than three shots (MAXIMUM), but your fics were so good, I devoted my time to reading them.
You will be receiving four reviews for me. One for each fic and a PM overall. I hope you take the time to read them (my reviews always seem to be on the long side) and that you will strongly consider writing a fourth part to your series. In the PM and in the third review you will receive, I will point out things to you that I feel are open doors for new plots and subplots (such as Forge and Alex's close friendship and I will be sorely put out if you leave the twins relationship as it is)
At long last, here commences the review for Relativity.
When I first started Relativity, I was quite wary. I don't usually enjoy fics with OC's in them, or even crossovers. I also dislike long fics, as they tend to finish the plot by the fourth chapter (on average) and then just keep on drawing out the fic.
However, you proved my skeptism false and I was thrilled with your plots and interesting subplots. It was marvelous. Your entire fic simply stands out and I highly recommended that you put in the X-men category to carter a larger audience (Screw the bastards who don't get certain parts). If you do not wish to put in the X men category, then at least post this in other websites. Have you ever heard of live journal? There are some great communities such as Twin One (solely dedicated for JP) and other X men communities. You could even start your own community; I would certainly help you with this.
Things I wish to point out:
1) Jeanne-Marie's behavior at the beginning - If this was any other character (such as Kitty or Jean) I would have said it was wildly OOC. However, for Jeanne Marie, it fit perfectly. I particularly liked the way that she couldn't remember when she 'switched' (for lack or a better word) personalities. She desires attention and love, which Jean and Kitty give generously. I loved the cuddling scene with Jean and JM (forgive my use of acronyms throughout my reviews) and Jean's powerful anger when she goes to the Church.
2) Jean-Marie's changing behavior - It's always a concern when you are doing a character who undergoes mood swings or (in JM's case) personality changes. You have to get it right, or else the entire mood of the fic drops. You did this very well, how she at first clings to Jean, then slowly opens up as she goes shopping, and then slowly begins flirting, but then REALLY starts flirting. Your pacing was excellent.
3) Who needs love when you have fame - At first I thought this was a bit cliché, but then I thought again for JP's character. This is exactly what he would have thought at that age when he was at his peak of skiing and fame. He's caustic and sarcastic, and keeps himself locked inside tightly. He constantly debates and questions his actions, and mocks himself into submission. Why have petty love that will dry out quickly when you can leave a legacy behind? It something very much that JP would think and base his actions upon. However, it's obvious that he doesn't really believe this (comes for his sister) and he really wants a family. Someone who will be there for him and accept him wholly (poor JP).
You're entire characterization of JP throughout the fic was very well done. I enjoyed every bit of him.
4) JP being gay - Thank you lord that you knew this. Believe it or not, but there are several fics on FF that Jubilee is JP's long time crush or girlfriend. If you had gone throughout all three fics like this, I quite possibly would have given you a flame and reported you for...I'd figure it out (abuse? Blatant homophobia?) I also like Xavier's quote, how he says that anything that would mark JP as different would bother him immensely. JP's coming out to everyone else (thank you JM) was well done. Good job on that.
5) Your 'French' dialogue - I liked how you used::… to signal joual dialect. Please continue to use this and not use brackets or actually put joual and put the translations below. Those are very annoying and put me off.
Quotes that I enjoyed
the fear coming off of her was so think it was painful.
Like she had no idea what she was.
Why I liked it: Foreshadowing. I love foreshadowing, be it positive or negative, I just love it when someone hints at the future and it's actually well done. I believe, my dear, that you meant 'thick' not 'think' but I got the gist of it.
Logan's character was also very well done ("get to Montreal before someone popped an embolism"). Still, I love all hints of foreshadowing and therefore, right at this moment, you caught my skeptic attention and held it. You came close before, with Jean fuming and the seedy club, but it was foreshadowing that got my attention.
Logan snorted, "Found a good use for 'em, looks like. Cheated his way to a gold medal this year, apparently."
"Three, in fact," The Professor was smiling now.
Why I liked it: This is so very JP, find a use for everything and milk it for what it's worth. This also opens door to see if the medal committee are going to get pissed, sue JP, and take his medals away for being a mutant (shame on his genetic structure!). I like how I got to know JP without actually having to meet him in person.
"That's totally neat. How'd you figure that out anyhow?"
The smile fell from her face.
Jean sucked in a quick breath.
Everyone looked at Jeanne-Marie expectantly.
Slowly, the smile returned, this time mildly mischievous. Pale blue eyes found Kitty's again. "A very funny accident?" She made it into a question, her voice rising up at the end. Combined with the look on her face, it was so funny it was actually cute
Why I liked it: I too, am I die hard Beaubier fan and I know exactly the story of JM. If she was this age in the comics and this situation came up, her creators would have put that exact line down. I love how you describe her voice and her facial features, it came out very clearly.
I put this line as one that I found stood out, because it gave me a sense of foreboding. I suddenly realized how everyone would react to this shy little girl trying to kill herself. Also, I realized how very lonely she must have felt and how repressed she is to not even *hint* about The Incident. I wouldn't call it foreshadowing, but I definitely got a sense of foreboding
And then, the damned… mutation kicked in. Taking the joy out of it. The pure, clean feeling of the track, of knowing he'd won.
Was it even possible for him to win fairly, any more?
Why I liked it: Angst and a damn good reason for it. It's a controversial issue, (I go on talk boards and debate if JP actually cheated) because really did he cheat, or did he just use his skill to the best of his ability? Very very controversial, because some people are just naturally faster or better at things. Should they be banned? I like his quiet angst going on, how he loves to ski, but feels shammed every time he does ski. He enjoys his fame and fortune immensely, but does he deserve it?
When I finished reading your (hopefully UNFINISHED) trilogy, I wondered if the Medal Committee was ever going to put him up on trial to see if he would take his medals away. Since he's kind of famous and he 'came out' as a mutant, it's not going to take long for the Medal Committee to put it together that he has an advantage over other skiers. Should a man who is six foot five be banned from basketball because he's taller than a man who is only five foot nine? The taller man certainly has an advantage, but can he help it?
Love his character and the way that you portrayed it. You didn't make him a Gary-Sue (They're part of the reason why I don't read cross-overs or OC's) which was a relief, you added enough of a conflict to make him interesting, but not untouchable. You have an excellent knack for making characters believable and relatable. Making a character relatable is really whats important in writing, because it allows the reader to become empathic with the character. When a good writer writes, a reader will sympathize with the characters, when an excellent writer writes, a reader will feel with the character. You are an excellent writer.
Quote: JM and JP's meeting which is to damn long to copy and paste.
Why I liked it: You have a marvelous way of writing emotions and scenes. I play this over and over in my head and I don't get tired of it and the feelings I get don't fade. The mood, the style and words, everything. It was so damn beautiful and I want you to know that.
The picures that you create with your words are so very clear and the emotions that you instill are very deep and powerful. As a reader, I could feel right along with JM and JP, my stomach dropping, the shock and the feeling of suddenly not feeling so alone anymore. Honestly (and I don't say this often so appreciate it) you did a much better job creating the meeting here than what the comic book creators did with JP and JM. I was disappointed with what they did and I really prefer your version because it seems so much more alive.
The boss turned his face, so that it was suddenly caught in the flickering firelight. Steely. Square. Eyes glowing.
Na. Not a chance that he was human. Or mutant, probably. Off the fucking scale
Why I liked it: This entire chapter stood out very nicely but I particularly liked this quote. The way you describe him vaguely but so clearly at the same time. You don't give us his eye color or his exact height, only shapes and colors, but the readers still know exactly what he looks like. That's a very good example of how to describe characters, because you completely avoided the Shiny Shiny Floor Syndrome (where you go on for six paragraphs describing one thing), but still gave readers a clear picture.
At first I thought that you meant JM and JP, which I believe was your intention. It certainly worked. I didn't suspect Pietro and Wanda at all.
This is an excellent example of writing. Well done on this. The different voices really stood out and their personalities were refreshingly different. The entire chapter was extremely well written. Very well done on this (are you getting tired of that sentence?)
"Hey, I have a life. It's just that, I live so fast, I need three or four to keep me busy."
Why I liked it: Another chapter that I just want to babble on about how much I loved it and you for writing it. This stood out (like everything else) as classic Pietro-ness (something I haven't gotten in a long time. I've just been getting Spastic!Pietro-ness). I loved his and Wanda's characterizations which were very well written. Wanda's anger came through perfectly, instead of her usual uh-I-hate-my-dad-and-Pietro-uh-hex-bolt-for-no-reason.
You proved me wrong again, because I was thinking that you would only be good with the Beaubier twins, but it seems you are excellent with almost any character that you choose to write.
A rare occurrence. She had another moment of silence, to treasure this rare event. Pietro. Holding still. It almost brought a tear to her eyes.
And she meant that thought in the most sarcastic way possible, of course.
Why I liked it: Wanda's sarcasm and perceptions were just increible in your writing. The way she describes Lance and Kitty and JP and watches the Giggling Twits argue over her brother was so classically like *her* but refreshingly so.
You also give us an insight on Pietro's character, just like you did with JP. I always enjoy reading this, because we learn about different personalities without actually having to relate to them (which are what happens when the characters are actually there). Good job.
"My brother. I think he took Pietro by surprise, with his last move," she laughed from behind one long, thin hand
Why I liked it: At first, I thought, "what the flying bit? Why is Wanda so confused?" It was lucky that I read and read the last few paragraphs and I saw just a hint of something. Just a hint and nothing more (that would be my Poe muse speaking). Foreshadowing.
Quote: JP's character and how people react to it.
Why I liked it: Again, this was too damn long to copy and paste, so moving right along now. This was a very interesting writing technique. To describe JP's character without really having it *there* we don't see any examples or scenes where he's ripping off someone's head, we just hear about it. Which is actually really cool, because we're not divided on the issues that JP takes on or embarrassed by what someone (or JP) says. We just get to make it up in our head, have JP act like an ass, but still love him to bits anyway. Very interesting writing technique, I noticed you use it quite a bit in your writing.
"You kissed Pietro?"
Jean-Paul shook his head, as if shaking off a dream, trying to wake up. "Pietro? Ah, oh, oui, I did."
"Ah didn't know you were…,"
He blinked a few times, thick black lashes looking too heavy for him, at the moment. "Gay?" he supplied. "Yes, I am."
Why I liked it: Here was an interesting coming out. I don't think Jp was expecting that and I most certainly was not. I like JP's blatant "yes I am" instead of him ducking and dodging the issue. It was a lot of fun to read especially were Rogue has a crush on him. JP suddenly remembering that he kissed Pietro was funny too, and reveled a lot. Gees JP, how many guys *do* you kiss and how many of them were at super speed? And then it clicked, by the way, JP 'last move' that JM was so giggly about. I wonder if JP *told* her that he was gay, or she just took it in stride when she saw him kiss Pietro.
Quote: JM's dancing.
Why I liked it: At first, I was like, yah yah, moving *right* along. But then I read some of her thoughts, and it really didn't sit right. She was too...into it. Not fun into it, but if someone was to write about being high on Ecstasy, it would be something like this.
Again, not like foreshadowing, but definitely a sense of foreboding. JM's thought patterns bothered me in a way that it's hard to describe. I'm not saying it was bad writing, because the writing (as per usual) was excellent, but JM bothered me. She was just...too into it. Too intense. Really bugged me. I couldn't shake it off all day.
"I never expected to hear you complain about handsome men in less clothing, Jean-Paul."
Why I liked it: JM you bitch. That's all I could describe her as. Self righteous and never seeing other points of view, or never even *trying* to see other points of view. And now she goes and says this. The entire fight scene was very Beabier-ic as well. I wanted to slap both twins, hug JP and shake some sense into crazy JM. And possibly turn everyone the other way so JP could actually tell them on his own time.
I really wasn't expecting this. Not. At. All. Also, because you did JM personality swings so slowly before, I didn't expect her to go from Aurora to mouse so quickly. And really? What does *she* have to be upset about? Did *she* just get betrayed and have everyone know a *personal* secret? Poor little Judas, the guilt crushed him and I suppose that's what bothered her the most. Little Judas.
Quote: Remy's list of things of crazy things
Why I liked it: You continuously dramatize things and then end off with "John Allerdyce claiming he found a woman attractive" which is very good comic relief. It's important to have humor and after the drama in the last chapter, it was good to laugh again.
Quote: Remy's "surgery" (for lack of a better word"
Why I liked it: Remy's detached, removed feeling really came through here, to a point where I started squirming in my chair. Very good vocab and choice of words that you had going there. It kind of grossed me out, but like Remy, I felt detached.
Ridiculously, he felt a flash of anger.
Magneto was not his master.
Why I liked it: It was so ridiculous, that it almost and sense. Even at the point of torture, Remy still retains his classic Remy-ness and his need for independence. You have excellent characterization skills.
It'd be Wanda and Pietro Maximoff who paid for it
Why I liked it: Oh yeah...THEY"RE twins too...ops, I forgot because I was too busy concentrating on the lovely fucked up Beaubier twins...oops. Just wanted to point out where exactly I finally clicked into the plot.
But after two and a half weeks with the Beaubier twins, Scott was suddenly wondering if maybe he'd been a real idiot to encourage his brother to join the team. Apparently, family made things a little more complicated.
Why I liked it: It appears that the Beaubier fucked upness didn't just affect the readers, but also the other characters in the Evo universe. Remember what I said about learning about other characters by other people's perceptions and reactions? Again, that's where it is. I like Scott's mental angsting and how he hates to get personal with things. Family made things a little more complicated. How very you Scott, how very you.
Well, at least he did sound distraught.
In fact, he sounded overly business-like
Why I liked it: Just like Scott has issues dealing with family complications, JP does that too. Only JP kind of turns all his personal issues into a detached form. Like he's outside looking in and reporting about it. It's rare and sad when he finally gets personal with his own issues.
It occurred to him that what Jean-Paul Beaubier needed was a hug.
But he hadn't signed on for hugging half naked teammates, male or female.
Why I liked it: Damn you Scott, for being an insecure asshole. Again, we see how JP is through other peoples eyes. I can see JP in his vulnerable mode and Scott really having no idea what to do. Scott has never (and will never) stiked me as the person who gets in touch with his feelings much. He perfers to look at everything objectively, like a battle. JP also doesn’t like to get personal, he just turns himself off from feeling any hurt. You make it so easy to get in touch with characters feelings and emotions. Keep on writing the way you do because when people read your work, they really feel what’s going on. It’s an empathic connection and it’s pretty much the thing that makes writing come alive.
Your characterizations are right on, good job.
"He's fine. Irritated. Grouchy. You can hardly tell the difference, really,"
Why I liked it: This just made me laugh. Pure and simple, it made me laugh. Just the classic JP-ness of the whole situation and how he shuts himself down and how others react to it got too much for me, and I started to laugh. Excellent job on this as well. Scott may think that JP's ok, because that's what Scott does, but really, once you can so easily shut yourself down like that, I don't think you ever will be okay.
Again with the characterizations, do you need me to say it again? You do a fine job.
He'd failed them.
Why I liked it: This is what I call an impact statement. It just impacts the readers and really rips at the heartstrings. It's powerful and well, it's an impact.
For Scott, that's got to be his worst fear, being a failure. To simply try his hardest and his best, but his best just not being good enough. Impact statements are short and powerful, straight to the point and meant to really rip at the readers. This is an excellent example of one which is why I’m pointing is out.
He just stared. Couldn’t think of anything to say to her. Anything to do. Couldn’t force a smile or a frown or even a nod of acknowledgement.
And she stared back.
“I’m sorry too.”
This chapter was the only chapter that felt a bit rushed to me. Not hugely, but the pacing was certainly faster than your other chapter. The empathic connection was still strong (particularly with Pietro) but it just felt a bit rushed. Were you rushed writing this? Anyways, it doesn’t matter. It was still an excellent chapter.
Another thing I wanted to point out. I wanted to take JP and hug him until he can’t breathe. First Psycho!JM ‘outs’ him in front of the whole mansion, then she gets kidnapped and know *he* feels guilt over the whole damn thing. “Be thy brothers keeper” eh? (I’m Canadian by the way)
I particularly liked this quote too because you don’t know which twin is talking. They both could be or maybe Pietro is or maybe Wanda is. It just made me feel soft and warm and utterly relieved that everyones okay. Fucked up, but okay. The part where Pietro couldn’t muster up the energy to do anything but stare (and possbly apologize) was a very nice touch as well, really makes a reader feel drained. Not tired, just drained beyond reasonable limits.
Jean-Paul was good at shutting people out. Jeanne-Marie was good at letting them in.
Why I liked it: JP is being impersonal about himself and his sister again. It’s like he’s outside, looking in. That statement could have been made by any one of the X men or Brotherhood even, but instead, it was made by JP. He’s so damn good at shutting other people out, he shuts himself out sometimes too. He’s outside of his life, and he’s looking in through the windows and reporting in. Or like your watching a mildly interesting movie, but you can leave at any time. Does JP ever want to do that? Just leave his life? After all the tradegy and heartbreak and triumph in his life, would he leave it for something else?
Anyways, that’s what I wanted to point out, the way that he’s so impersonal with himself and his problems. It’s very good characterization.
Jeanne-Marie was highly amused by this reaction in her new love interest. Any time her brother appeared, whether he was near her or across the room from her, he suddenly developed some kind of muscle-lock issue. Funny, coming from someone with Roberto’s self-confidence, really. Cute, even. Eventually, she would reassure him that Jean-Paul was not a wild cat, and would not tear his throat out.
But she wanted to make sure it was true, before she promised anything.
Her brother stood now, and ruffled her hair affectionately.
On his way out, he ruffled Berto’s hair too. Roughly.
Roberto’s eyes widened in terror.
Why I liked it: I loved this. I just fell over laughing at the deer in the headlights reaction from hot headed Roberto. Also, from JM’s perspective we learn several things from two different characters. We learn that JP’s reign of terror has no limits and Roberto can be intimidated by certain people.
I loved JM’s affection with her brother, despite the fact that he makes impressions of Atilla the Hun on other people. He’s a lovable person really, you just have to bypass the landslide of bullshit that he hides under. JM’s affection with Roberto was cute and funny too. It was a good relief tone for after the evilness and drama of the last chapter and learning about MPD in the last few paragraphs.
It was at that moment, when he actually looked the other boy in the eye, that Pietro had a realization—Jean-Paul was trying to fuck with his head. The guy had kissed him in an attempt to catch him by surprise, and make him nervous. He could see it now, the way he was looking at him. He was trying to make him squirm.
That was his trick!
Why I liked it: This definitally hints at romance, and you better know by now that I just love it when people hint at the future. It’s so funny, Pietro’s nervousness, his anxiety, the realization then the indignant reaction. It was funny and also an excellent comic relief.
Your ending was very good and your pacing was back to normal. If anyone ever gives you any shit for having your chapters to long, tell me and I’ll flame their asses.
Over all, this was a very excellent fic. Your grammer and spelling were near perfect, giv emy regards to your beta reader. If you proof read it your self, then pat your self on the back.
You have an excellent writing style and I sincerily hope that you will be writing more and more. Your charactization of JP were fantastic and everyone else was still in character, but refreshingly different as well. Your dialogue and plots were engadging and your pacing was very well done (except for that one chapter). I really hope that you keep writing and not quit because of whatever reason.
Keep an eye out for my other reviews that are comming up!
Wishing you all the best during your holidays and future writing
| Mi-chan17 chapter 12 . 10/11/2006
*Bows before the almighty one*
Sorry, it's Hayley from MI, just had to do that.
Yay! Random, asylum-escapee bunnies!
On a more serious note:
I liked it. A ton. I've never been too sure what to make of the Beaubier twins, honestly. I don't know much about them, and I do know came from when they were first, FIRST introduced in the second generation X-men comics.
So thank you, as now I can add a few new people to the ever-increasing number of personalities running around in my head. :)
| Minerva Solo chapter 12 . 5/29/2004
My knowledge of the Evo-verse is fragmented at best (what idiot of a channel puts decent stuff like that on at 7 o'clock on a sunday morning, for heavens sake?), and way behind canon thanks to wonderful terrestrial channels not caring enough to buy new episodes, but I really enjoyed that, and I figure I knew enough to keep track of who was who and what was going on, so it's all good really.
| RyanGosling4Ever chapter 9 . 2/16/2004
_ ; Oh my God...don't hurt my baby... *gets down and begs* ..You're gonna hurt Pietro, aren't you?...*bawls*