|Reviews for Romeo & Juliet|
| Cool chapter 1 . 2/17/2014
Nice little fic, buuut I can't say I like how you wright off akane's reaction although I realize that this would be a hard problem to fix without sacrificing major plot elements and or better features of your story, overall 8.5 out of 10.
| ALEXA ALVAREZ CISNEROS chapter 1 . 5/6/2012
ES UNA SUPER HISTORIA
| ShampooChen chapter 1 . 11/3/2011
LOVED THIS SO MUCH IT'S SOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE
| feernando chapter 1 . 2/21/2011
really good i hope that you do the sequel
| miimii-chan5 chapter 1 . 11/27/2010
waa! so cute! i love it n_n
Ranma & Shampoo n/n waa~
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 12/6/2008
If you haven't read my Bio or my other story then you should know now that this is a Shampoo/Ranma fanfic.
[Or you could just take one short sentence and say 'this is a Shampoo/Ranma pairing fic'.]
Everytime he tried
[Spacing: Every time]
flowers he hid in his closet (luckily pops just ignored them)
[It is very unlikely that Ranma would take flowers in any seriousness, the only time I can think of him taking them was when he was trying to seem obsequious to Shampoo during the “instant Nannichuan” arc, though the fact that he had paralytic gas in them may have been their primary purpose. He's had flowers 'for someone else' forced on him any number of times. What really made this stand out was the parenthetical - if Genma noticed them, I don't believe he'd ignore them, he'd more likely start shouting in joy at what he thought was for Akane and the 'blossoming relationship between the two fiancees'.]
"Umm Ranma, why are you throwing rocks at my window?"
[Since when did Shampoo speak like that? She always had trouble with personal pronouns.]
I think your
not to get caught"
[Missing closing/transitioning punctuation]
"Wait you think I'm not trying. I'm
[Does not fit Shampoo's speech patterns]
If they did that they would both be dead.
[Ranma would have plenty of people giving him grief, but why would Shampoo have anything to worry about? Since her return to Nerima, depending on the exact point in the series, she's thrown herself in the tub with Ranma (admittedly, also to transform back) and made no attempt to hide the highly intimate action/setting.]
haven't left the Nekohatten.
(not like she didn't like it, she loved it)"
[Do not insert author's notes mid-chapter, if it's really vital then put it at the end (or up top before the chapter open). Also, avoid parentheticals in story text.]
for her Airens lack of attention.
['Airen' is Mandarin for 'beloved', it's not a proper noun and doesn't need to be capitalized.]
I just wanted to know do you like that Bimbo?"
[As Shampoo transforms into a cat, this is obviously after her return arc. Akane pointed out (when Shampoo disappeared) that he appeared to like her. The manga makes it explicitly clear that he _was_ attracted to her (though the flowery panels disappear after the Xia Fang Gao arc).]
I guess not"
[Missing terminating punctuation. I also want to point out that this paragraph has weak grammar and phrasing.]
'Why is she asking me this.
[Interrogative missing its question mark]
But wait how do I feel about Shampoo.
[Superfluous 'wait', and interrogative missing its question mark.]
"WHAT DO YOU
[Abuse of capitalization. Not that capitalizing words is forbidden - in certain cases it's fine - but I recommend good speech tags instead. Or at least first, and save the all-caps for the especially emphasized words.]
by this time
[She's obviously not trying to calm herself while she's yelling (and that bout of rage _is_ consistent with her canon character), so these words are superfluous.]
calm herself but her aura was still blazing
[When Akane's aura is visible she's not calm - it only comes out when she's angry. She may settle down slightly, but she's not going to be 'blazing' in any sense if she's at the point where she can claim 'I don't care'.]
[Missing closing punctuation]
Shampoo said who you can clearly tell
[No, we the audience are an amorphous outside entity not to be referred to except in parodies. If she's still crying, then skip straight to the speech tag. Maybe throw in some extra information, like her voice cracking or her shoulders shuddering or something that often indicates crying]
That sort of caught Ranma off guard.
[Superfluous 'sort of']
and whats wrong with you"
[Punctuation: “what's” and the dialog terminator]
"Oh, you actually want to know why I'm crying.
[Shampoo's speaking out of her speech pattern and there's
"NO, YOUR JUST
[Abuse of all-caps. And that should be 'you're']
where does that put me it
[There's an idea break after 'me', a missing question mark]
and worse of
"WHAT THE HELL
[Abuse of caps]
I'VE SAID IT LIKE
[It's very much outside Shampoo's normal speech patterns anyway (besides being in all caps when it doesn't need to be), and 'like' is superfluous]
Shampoo's eyes were starting to fill up with tears.
[ What, just starting? Not tearing during the start of her diatribe?]
Shampoo was too shocked to say anything
[Why? He never said that he returned her feelings in kind, he just apologized and said he cares. He also cares about Ukyo (the best portrayal for that I think is in “Dreamwalk with Me” by ?). Anyway, an apology is unusual for him, but it's not like he's bearing his heart to her...yet. Actually, I think that's a good thing: one of the consistent things among all of Rumiko Takahashi's works is the low-key displays of affection even between people that everybody else knows is in love; the fact that he said 'I care' is about the most that I expect he could say as of yet. The fact that it's a lot more than care could be inferenced but short of the threat of death I doubt that he'd come out and say it.]
[Although that's 'their' misspelled, that doesn't belong either. 'their' is plural and the singular 'her' belongs]
[Missing period after 'silence']
Ranma didn't have a chance to think about it until now.
[Yes he did, he just intentionally didn't make a choice. That could be for reasons as dark as “I was Right all Along”, to a more simple possibility that he liked all of them as friends and, having lived on the road for at least 10 years and never having any friends, he doesn't want to lose any of those people who have become important to him. It's emotionally short-sighted, but Ranma hasn't exactly had a pillar of wisdom raising him and all things considered he does relatively well. This is effectively forcing his hand, in other words forcing him to 'admit his choice']
"You know what...
[Interrogative missing its question mark]
Yea I do choose you"
Shampoo looked up at Ranma with a big smile on her face.
[She was just at an emotional low. As bolstering as this news would be, people (who don't have something like bipolar disorder) don't emotionally bounce around that quickly. She'd be feeling well and better as her brain processes what's happening, but that smile is without a doubt not going to be without shaking.]
he didn't see pain but love, joy, bliss, happiness, and everything else good.
[Like I said above, she's still recovering from that emotional trauma of thinking she's lost him and she'd still be looking conflicted even if it's obvious that she's recovering. She's not going to be 'suddenly all better', she's going to be conflicted but positive.]
[Missing closing punctuation]
for a while until I know that the time is really right
[At this point Murphy's Law would necessitate that Sasuke, Gosinkugi, or somebody else would run off and start spreading the news. This also seems a rather cowardly move, though it's by no means out-of-character. Just slightly disappointing. I think it's very likely that he'd say 'give it/me/this time', but saying all this just seems to be going a little farther than I think is very likely.]
"But I won't be able to spend time with."
[Either missing a word or the rest of an ellipsis]
began think about
[began _to_ think?]
and wanted to ask Shampoo something
[Superfluous, and missing closing punctuation besides]
speak Japenese so well?"
I'm not a huge romance fan and not a 'waff' person. Despite those things, the worst things in this story were relatively easily correctable technical errors (spelling, punctuation, grammar), and some of the more-than-minor but still not-unrepairable-issue things like narrative description, weaker word choice than possible, and some character portrayal.
| rosechan21 chapter 1 . 1/15/2008
wow! absolutely one of my favorite RxS fanfictions. It really is hard to find some fanfictions with a Ranma and Shampoo pairing...and yeah, I HATE AKANE! It's just so bad that there are thousands of fanfictions with Akane as Ranma's partner. Screw those people. Go SHAMPOO! The two of them really look good together. _
| Emina Fujiko chapter 1 . 10/29/2005
YOU ARE NOW ONE OF MY FAV AUTHORS! I FIXED MY SPACE BAR!
| Erentei Lord of Insanity chapter 1 . 1/13/2005
I a so glad to see a writer who writes RxS fics. Not enough of these exist. Plz email me and I will tell you about a few of my F.I.P.(Fics In Progress).
Legion of evil kitty minions!
KILL THE SHAMPOO HATERS!
(not you obviously.)
| Shampoo Rocks chapter 1 . 9/16/2004
oh that fucking kicks ass I LOVE THE WAFF soo fucking bad ass
i love this man sequel sequel i would type it seven million times but yeah to much copy pasting yeah so yeah man i think you fucking bad ass except for the ryoga shampoo one and i liked wow you ended the flashback right there i mean YOU FUCKING BAD ASS i think that you should like SEQUEL oh sorry i think you should like update is it worth it SOON cause i am losing faith for you ppl who don't know who i am i am shin akuma i just LOVE shampoo i know some ppl think i am an ass but hey I LOVE SHAMPOO AND HATE HATE RYOGA so yeah sorry about kind of flaming you on that one
| Athena Kyle chapter 1 . 6/11/2004
That was so cute! I really hope you do write a sequel to it! I love Shampoo and Ranma together.
| U Rock chapter 1 . 5/6/2004
This is cool i always liked the ranma shampoo fics and i am still reading is it worth it which rocks a lot i am just saying that umm YOU ROCK
| Analoguec chapter 1 . 3/8/2004
Im reading all of your fics and Im happy to see that you are another Shampoo fan. I love her - see my name - and all you stories about her and Ranma are great, fantastic!
Im one of your fans, now!- Shampoo likes Kawii-chan!- And Shampoo-chan loves Ranma!
| MaiEvilYuki chapter 1 . 2/17/2004
Aww, so cute! lol, I always love ranma/shampoo pairings!
| High King Isaac chapter 1 . 2/11/2004
YEAH YEAH YEAH! I LOVE SHAMPOO/RANMA! Though I don't hate Akane or Ukyou...I really don't mind Ranma with either of them, but I think that there should be more Shampoo/Ranma fics out there! And I hope that they can be at least a little bit as good as yours! _