Reviews for Eleniel, Daughter Of The Stars
BakaProductions chapter 2 . 3/5/2009
Please write more :) You have to, or I won't update Sun and Star!
hermonine chapter 2 . 10/26/2006
Nice story. Keep up the good work and update soon!
Are You KIdding chapter 2 . 8/4/2005
Ok, it's a classic Mary-Sue, not better than others I've read and not really any worse. Be careful of your tenses, you tend to go back and forth between past and present in the span of a few sentences. One of the ways to catch that is to read the story out loud to yourself, the errors sound wrong to your ear and you can correct them. If you have a microsoft word program, use the grammar function, it will really help.

I do have a question, why do you even need to add romance? Is it really necessary? Not using romance between your oc's and the elves of choice would really elevate this story into a better status and be refreshingly different. Just a suggestion, the romance thing in Mary-Sues is so trite and boring anymore.

I'm glad you're not going to use the Japanese anymore, translator sites are good for minor things, but they often get the true meaning wrong.
Ice Queen Estella chapter 1 . 5/9/2005
Ahem. This is strange, I'm Eleniel too. My friend actually named me that. I named her Vanmoriel, meaning 'dark beauty'

plus the song 'Nobody's Fool' has been stuck in my head all day and now I'm reading your fic...with the song.

But part of the song 'My world' also applies to me. 'I'm not in love this time, this night...'

That's only coz' I'm lying to myself, but I truthfully am in Love...

sigh

overall good starting

Update soon

-Eleniel Illuvtariel
krillball6 chapter 2 . 2/20/2005
HEHEHEHEHE GREAT STORY! This is so cool, I am really liking this story. Please update soon! PLEASE? lol I think this should be a Raquel and Glorfindel and Haldir and she has to choose between the 2. I'm such a romantic but I like 3 ways lol. Legolas is usually done to often smae with haldir but its always interesting how the girl gets his attention lol. Well yes, thats wut I think. Please send me an e-mail when you update. And thanks for you e-mail :). I want to read all your fics..I just need time..I suppose to be doing homework right now lol.

_krillball6-

_jess_
lover-of-kitties-and-elfi chapter 2 . 11/16/2004
glorfidel glorfidel glorfindel there are too manny leggy and pep and haldy and pep up date SOON!
Sassy Girl chapter 2 . 10/23/2004
AWESOME start. Can't wait to read more. Love how you use different languages. Keep up the great work. (Thanks for reviewing my story as well.)
Altaria Artanis chapter 1 . 10/19/2004
I submitted a review to chapter 2, then I read a lot of your other reviews and I think something needs to be said to nycteris. Now, before I begin my mini-debate with her, i would like her to know that this is merely pointing out a few things and I am not in any way,shape, or form trying to offend her. I am horribly sorry if I do, and apologize in advance. "nycteris, I am dreadfully sorry for any offence you may take to his review, and I do not mean anything I say in a bad way, I hope you will forgive me." Now, back to buisness...

first person is tricky, I agree. I tried it once and was so frustrated i practically revamped the whole thing, again, and again, again. Finally I just gave up and deleted it.

As for the language part, Raquel might not understand what the elf is saying, but I know I want to! the blonde guy said a few words...ok sure. What words? Words that other characters say can be vital to a story. that my not be the case here, but I don't think she should stop with the elvish as long as she clearly states that Raquel does not know elvish.

Fangirl japanese...it seems to me that Crecy really does know some cuss words in Japenese. I know a few in french and german. Just because your character can say naughty words in another language doesn't mean she is trying to look cool, but she could be trying to get her point across. think if she had called "bob" a stupid boy in Quenya? Disastrous. Yes, he probably got the gist of what she was saying when she spoke Japanese, but he couldn't prove anything, therefore she is safe and he has been doubly insulted. That's the good part of insulting someone in another language. When I get really angry I spout off whole sentences of non-politically correct Quenya! Call me cruel, but that's life! Using whole phrases would be cool but I think it is gives it a touch of variety. The french mistake was a bit odd, it didn't sound like what I had learned so I asked my french teacher. It didn't mean nobody's fool. It was probably a faulty website, so i advise crecy to check several websites and possibly a french speaker/teacher before actually putting it into her story. if it doesn't match up, I wouldn't use it.

On the shown them an awful lot part, I have to say yes, you are right, but only if they carefully observe her and read between the lines in her words and actions. If I were to read that paragraph quickly, I would say noone suspects. but if I read it several times slowly, you realize that Raquel is giving you clues. I had a friend who was depressed once. She was an excellent actress. that's obviously what Raquel is. Depressed I mean. They don't want people to know, they don't want people to think less of them so depressed people just shove it all down inside. I've done that once or twice. Just bottle up my feelings. I always found it easier to vent but sometimes it didn't work. Someone who is depressed isn't necessearily a mary Sue.I always think of Mary Sues as great valient warriors, better than everyone, who makes every man want them, and I could go on and on but if you want my whole little spiel read my bio, it's under the writing section and the Ultimate Mary Sue subsection. *wink* I just had to say that. Anyway...how do you know she changes the plotline? We don't know the time, the year, anything! She might be in Rivendell in the Middle of the Second age and sent back to her own world within a year. It's too early to make accusations like that. Once we find out the time, through a major event or otherwise then we can decide if she messes up the plotline or not. I'm writing a girl-in-midle-earth story, but it's not a mary Sue (I have been reassured of that several times) The girl comes a year before the hobbit! Does that make her a danger to the fellowship plotline? I really really doubt it. Besides, hardly anyone sticks to canon anymore, now that the movies are out.

On swrods...yes, I am in complete and utter agreement with you. She has Narsil and Sting which are very very likely to be fake replicas. But her other sword, Fea...something, that she practices with sounds real. If she went out and bought a sword and learned to use it, it wouldn't fall apart and she probably wouldn't be able to win a battle but may be able to hold her own. If there even is a battle.

On the bob thing...I think you are over-analyzing. the elf was offended, yes, but it was thrown in as a bit of humor. It maybe rude, but I think most people here find it funny and rude. I'm learning Quenya (don't translate that into me being some rabid Legolas fangirl, I'm not. I like him, but I read the books before i saw the movies and started learning it then.). I'm learning Quenya and several of the sounds are very different. C is always pronounced as K, and there is no soft g, for instance. There are pages and pages and pages on the sounds and grammatical rules of grammer. You can only take so much at a time. If raquel had learned the elvish in the movies or perhaps picked it up from some more fluent friends she would know some words and perhaps a little of the sounds but not everything. I do find it a little ridiculous and far-fetched that she would be able to know and translate the name of Legolas's horse though. Not very realistic. And, you should probably say what type of Elvish she knows. There are 2, Quenya and Sindarin. Legolas would speak Sindarin, giving his horse a sindarin name, but if Raquel speaks Quenya she would be totally lost on that one. On the other hand, if you get Elrond speaking Quenya and Raquel speaks Sindarin she would be completely clueless. That may explain why she understood little of the gaurd but could translate the name of the horse. On is, or should be, Quenya, the other Sindarin.

Crecy didn't say that Raquel got Legolas, nor does Raquel seem in the least bit attracted to him. Again you are assuming. My mother has an interesting saying about assuming. It's don't assume or you make an ass out of u amd me. Not proper grammer but if you put it together ass-u-me. Assume. Crecy actually asked if she should make it a romance, and gave us other options besides Legolas. If you think Legolas would be too Mary-Sueish, say Haldir, Glorfindel, Bilbo, or maybe noone. I said either Elladan or Elrohir. I like them a lot.

On songs- yes. Caution should be exercised. I know several songs that would have elves either blushing,worried for your sanity,disgusted, offended, etc,etc. maybe all of the above. Further along in my story Elanor is going to sing for some elves (crecy, don't tell anyone this! It's a suprise! And no, it's not Avril. I'm not to fond of her.) but she will have to consider carerfully. She's mostly going to stick to neutrality like Christmas Carols or some very toned down country. Very, very toned down. Like Shania twain's up maybe. I haven't decided for sure. Anyway, some of the elves will be offended. You can't help it. Some people get offended over some things that others find perfectly normal.

You nkkow, I have only read one other story where anyone has sung Avril to anyone, and that person was not Legolas and the story was definitly not a mary-Sue.

Again, I mean no offence to nyctaris, I just thought that some of these thing should be pointed out. I am truly sorry if I offended you.

Namaarie (I spelt that wrong. I have been spelling it wrong because of the symbols on the word. This is more of the prononciation spelling,. I'm telling you this because sometimes you have to bend the rules. I'm also telling you this so you doon't call me a hypocrit.)

Once again,

Namaarie, Lady Altaria
Altaria Artanis chapter 2 . 10/19/2004
Nicely done Crecy! It stinks that you stopped using japanese, I found your terms quite amusing...I'l have to ues some on my brother! lol. I'm enjoying the story immensly and I don't mind the slang, it's much easier, and funnier in terms of and elf's reaction. Did she recognize Gandalf at all? I know that if i went to middle earth and saw Gandalf I would probably freak out and start...hm, actually I don't know what I'd do to him. But it sure wouldn't be hi, let me cart these dresses out of my room, talk to you later. But whatever. I don't know you very well.

As for the romance thing...not haldir. maybe it's just me, but I'm not particularly fond of Haldir/OC romances. Actualy, i'm not fond of haldir/anyone romances. Glorfindel is...I don't know, I don't think it's ever been done before, so if your looking for something new, I'd do that one. Why don't you throw Elladan or Elrohir in there? I've heard (from them!They are my muses and live in my attic.) that Both of them, Elladan especially is a horrible flirt. Might be interesting. Looking back on that, I see I didn't give you an answer, only advice. Oh well.

Update Soon!

Namaarie, Lady Altaria
Piratica chapter 2 . 8/27/2004
Ooh, a cliffie. I hate those. Update soon!
Burzrog Gurthiel chapter 2 . 8/18/2004
Here is a site that I found! It's really great! :D w. freedict onldict/ jap. html

Ur gonna need to take out all the spaces in the web adress.

Hope u postie again soon

-Kapper

P.S I reviewed this story a long time ago under KapOfDaPipers (I'm not sure about the penname -.-)

Postie! :D
Neurotic Cat Goddess chapter 2 . 7/16/2004
Why has no one freakin' noticed that she has NARSIL? aka Anduril
KapOfDaPipers chapter 2 . 7/13/2004
This is a great story! I know how you feel! I watched the movies over and over! Read the books (LotR's one's and the other one's...), I finally got an idea on mine! Hee hee! But, it's a rough draft right now...

If you need idea's you can contact me on an email at ! I could also be your beta if you don't already have one! :D

Can't wait for more,

Kapper
nycteris chapter 1 . 6/5/2004
This story has potential, but several things about it caught my attention... They're mostly just random comments and notes.

.

The first paragraph switches between verb tenses a lot. "I didn't" and "I don't" right next to each other, for example. The opening would probably flow better if they were consistent.

.

" Why is a woman so near the gates of Rivendale with nothing but three swords? A blond guy asked me.

.

"I stared at him for a moment before replying. “I only know a little of elvish, I don’t know exactly what you said. Something about Rivendale, swords, and something else?
yuki chapter 2 . 5/8/2004
This story is great! Update soon, and keep on using Japaneese. The girl needs to be able to insult people with them not realizing it.
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