|Reviews for To End The Evil|
| Joel-Gomes chapter 62 . 9/18/2013
I'm going to give a positive note to this story, despite the fact that its defects surpassed its qualities. Story-wise it works - it has a few inconsistencies, but it works. What I felt to be the bigger problems here were character development and the writing itself.
The character development can be a tricky issue, because more often than not we are influenced by what read, not just by what we see. In other words, developments introduced in fanfiction stories, if we find them to be reasonable, tend to find their way into our minds and later on into our stories. I know this happens to most of us, because it has happen to me as well. There should be no shame in that. What should there be is a clear sense of who and how we want the characters to be. Creative liberties aside, I think they should be as faithful to the originals as possible. With the exception of a parody, every major change (sometimes even minor) change should be justified.
The main problem with the way you portrayed Jarod, Miss Parker and Sydney was their erratic display of emotions. They didn't act that way in the show. They didn't talk like that. Which doesn't mean that they shouldn't act that way in your story. It only means that you should have found a reason to make those actions more believable and not just a whim. We want them to be happy, probably to end up together, but we should want most of all is to write a story where what happens, happens for a reason, not just because.
In terms of writing, it's a matter of practice, mostly. I know that English isn't your native language (mine either), so just keep writing and you'll get better by the story.
Two more things, just to finalize. The first one is the individual addressing of almost review you receive at the beginning of the chapters. Not each chapter, of course, but most of them. FFN allows you to respond directly to your readers and, if that option isn't available, you can always thank everyone at the end.
The second thing is the length of the chapters. I like small chapters - these were smaller. Sometimes less is more, other times it isn't.
In general "To End The Evil" should be rewritten. Despite its failings, it is a nice story and has the potential to be a whole lot better.
| SJlikeslists chapter 62 . 4/23/2011
As English isn't your first language, I just wanted to tell you that I think you did an impressive job with vocabulary and grammar in this story.
I always like to see Jarod and Parker working together, and I enjoyed reading the story you have created of them doing so.
| Anna chapter 62 . 5/26/2009
I really love this story! Very good ideas turned into something great (sorry very bad English :) ) You are an excellent writer!
| Katescats chapter 62 . 8/1/2007
I just read your story it was great. I can't wait to read the sequel.
| Carestel chapter 62 . 3/29/2005
Finished... I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry... of course it's a Happy End, but the anyway, now it's over... ):
I'm really looking forward to the sequell,
| Carestel chapter 9 . 3/29/2005
“Shut up, get back to the Centre and catch me if you can”
No time to write much, cause I HAVE to go on ...
| A Person6 chapter 62 . 8/31/2004
Wow, I just spent the last couple of hours reading this entire story. This is just wow. It has to be one of the best Pretender fics I've read yet. I look forward to reading the sequal )
| Nataku Lee Snipe chapter 31 . 8/15/2004
Like the stunt. I know that the FBI uses like 10 different cars and switch off so that you don't always see the same car in your rearview mirror. Tricky those G-men!
LOve and peace
| Brandy chapter 62 . 8/10/2004
Wow! You are just amazing as always. You have such a natural gift for writing, it just seems to flow out of you without even trying. What an amazing adventure this story has been! I can't believe that it is over! I was about in tears realizing that it was all over, but I'm so glad that there is going to be a sequel. You can rest assure that I will be here waiting as patiently as I can for the next story to start the new journey. I will say that you are the reigning queen for the most evil of cliffhangers that I've wanted to wring your neck more times than I can count, but I loved every minute of it. Keep em wanting more. I've cried, been angry, the action was amazing. I can just imagine this story playing out on screen as a movie. AS for this chapter. I'm so glad that everyone made it home safely, that parker and J together, the centre is gone! I can't wait to see the new transformation of the centre take place with them at the helm. Every part of this story was amazing! If I was to write all the great parts, it would take forever and be the whole story. Parker was soo adorable with her little brother. I can't wait to see how that story plays out as well and to see them become a family, especially since everyone is there and parker and Jarod have their families with them. And last but not least. Thank you for all your kind words back to me on the chapters and the special thanks! ) You deserve all the praise...Your stories and updates are always one of the highlights of my days. Can't wait for more. Excellent job! This story had it all!
| colorfree chapter 62 . 8/10/2004
Aw shucks! My last review. I loved it. You did a great job. Why didn't you give the boy a name! :o) I'll be watching for more stories from you. You have a lot of talent. Keep it up.
| colorfree chapter 61 . 8/10/2004
So much to say and so little time. Where do I start? How about at the beginning? "Agency bandages in their pockets..." I think you may have meant badges eh? Bandages cover wounds, badges show who they are. As for the whipped scream from Lyle, I have no idea what to say to that! :o) Not sure what you were trying to say. I'll just leave it at that. Don't need to give you a page. :o) Yes, I liked this chapter. I completely forgot about the other Parker child. Good job bringing him in.
| Chibi Parker chapter 62 . 8/10/2004
Hi, your story is really great, I'm looking forward the sequel.
| e-dog chapter 62 . 8/10/2004
Well, well. This is the end? Now, that was quite a journey! You constantly left us in suspense, added a little romance ;), and loaded it with plenty of action! This story had everything and I'm sure the sequel will be more of the same! I love the family image at the end. Nice touch. Looking forward to the sequel!
| mfkngst chapter 62 . 8/10/2004
I am so glad to hear there is a sequel for this story. I will love watching them become a family. This was a great story, and I am so glad I found it. Thanks you for the acknowledgement of my reviews, and the wonderful way to spend some of me free time. Good job.
| gemini006007 chapter 62 . 8/9/2004
That was a wonderful ending to your story or a begining to your upcoming sequel. I have really enjoyed your story. It had a little of everything. Action, Romance,suspense. You did an outstanding job and I'm anxiously awaiting your next story. So get busy.