Reviews for Negawarrior
Velocityshade chapter 15 . 4/27/2013
Hey! Still hoping for a continuation, though it's been a few years!
kajoshin chapter 16 . 10/20/2012
awesome story sofar and i hope u update it soon.
my only complaint is that it seem as ranma is taking a very passive role in this war at the moment.
Andrew MacKenzie chapter 16 . 3/13/2012
Interesting story, I am looking forward to when Ranma starts to interfere with something again.
Ranmaleopard chapter 7 . 12/19/2011
awesome i cant wait to see what happens next please continue!
Ranmaleopard chapter 4 . 12/19/2011
awesome i cant wait to see what happens next please continue!
Ranmaleopard chapter 5 . 12/19/2011
awesome i cant wait to see what happens next please continue!
Ranmaleopard chapter 6 . 12/19/2011
awesome i cant wait to see what happens next please continue!
Ranmaleopard chapter 16 . 11/14/2011
This is really amazing I can't wait to see what happens next. Please continue!
Ranmaleopard chapter 15 . 11/14/2011
This is really amazing I can't wait to see what happens next. Please continue!
Ranmaleopard chapter 2 . 11/11/2011
This is really amazing I can't wait to see what happens next. Please continue!
Ranmaleopard chapter 1 . 10/31/2011
Interesting please continue!
Velocityshade chapter 16 . 10/26/2011
Damn, why did this have to die? I've been waiting for this to be updated. Pleaaaase.
Ganheim chapter 2 . 7/21/2011
Prologue: Dusk

leapt at from

[at _her_]

before she was in any danger of dying.

[stopping at ‘before killing her’ would have kept the tension heightened a little]

Not even the general knew why,

[Simple: economics. You don’t destroy your money source (or food/life/energy source, in this case)]

For no good reason the negawarrior could discern, the entire village was trying to kill the red-haired girl

[That is strange: canon was pretty clear that it was Shampoo alone, with at best maybe a small hunting party assisting the tracking, at least once they left the village perimeter]

Sheer rage at both the approaching amazons

[Why? He’s killed before and there hasn’t been anything I can clearly see that would attach him to Ranma]

"Thank you for your help

[If Ranma’s at the point of suicide, I think that anger at ‘interference’ would be at least as likely]

Chapter ?

Episode One: Of Death...

and poured the contents over her head

[Stove-top tea is hot. What happened to “ouch”?]

we study the Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu

[They more create or refine it than study, since it’s their style]

only function by purposely forgetting the events that happened earlier in the day

[Yet he’s leading him straight into those memories]

even mentioning his father brought waves of depression and despair crashing over him

[I understand the imagery, but we’re getting a lot of the same sort of verbage (ie depression) and it’s wearing the emotional strength of the scene]

He completely understood Ranma’s feelings

[I doubt he would _completely_ understand. Creatures thousands of years old lose the sense of connection with younger races – this is something we even see among humans, with the older forgetting more than a few requisites of the young]

anything more than a dozen meters away disappeared into a fuzzy whiteness

[Then there would be no “pools stretching as far as the eye can see” as that necessarily means that the eye can see for a significant distance. That’s not the case here]

ghastly rictus of rage and hatred

[Just one of those serves the purpose]

Ranma could feel the accusation in their gazes

[I don’t think it makes sense for Ranma to be agonizing over their deaths when he hasn’t even advanced stages in grieving for his father. He didn’t even kill them]

Killing was never easy, especially the first

[Killing is usually only difficult the first time, and not always even then. I’ve seen it]

The rebel was holding a longer weapon compared to his companions: a sniper rifle

[Snipers don’t take their extended-range weapons into close-range battle, what’s this visible for?]

betrayed everything Oyaji believed in

[Why the “obligatory” Japanese? Nothing would’ve been lost in using “father”]

ending with a powerful reverse punch to her sternum

[What is a reverse punch? Pulling back, I should think…unless you mean that he’d turned and elbowed her?]

Once she’d force

[forced]

but you really need to

[needed]

she wanted to give Nephrite

[He never introduced himself as a Nephrite, how would Ranma know?]

and inhaled the contents at nearly double her normal speed

[Ranma eats at a nearly unhealthy speed to start with, that’s pretty close to ‘as fast as possible’]

but she knew that any kind of anger or outburst would be counter-productive to her goal of beating the absolute shit out of Nephrite

[Counter-intuitive, especially with canon Ranma’s character. In this sort of an emotionally unstable situation, he’d be more likely to strike even when it was unwise than try to raise a false appearance of weakness]

You had to beat the hell outta me to talk to me?”

[Ranma has said in more than one fanfic “talking? That usually just leads to more violence”, even if that specific wording was only in Dark Titans]

everything Oyaji ever taught

[Unnecessary Japanese]

It was like the clouds cleared and the sun shone through as understanding dawned on the pigtailed girl’s face

[Contrivance – this is WAY too easy for a person in depression to actually realize, confront, and accept the source of his trouble]

I didn’t think I gave Ranma enough time to deal with his grief in the original

[I don’t know what it was originally, but this still isn’t enough. What Ranma needs, however, is not time as much as something else to do. Something else to focus on before he starts following Ryouga’s path]

You’ve done quite a bit of setting up to send Ranma down a divergent path, but beyond “not Nerima” I don’t actually think you’ve added enough pull. Ranma should be fixated on his father’s death too much to really recognize the potential teacher in front of him, and it would likely have taken something else drastic that threatened not only him but several people around him before he realized “there’s still something I can do or look forward to”. One beating to make him realize “there’s somebody better than me out there” wouldn’t seem to cut it.
Hammerchuckery chapter 15 . 4/3/2011
Fun as the story has been, it feels pretty pointless knowing that:

1. It's dead

2. Ranma is pretty much background fluff ie; he doesn't do anything but watch.

So for 15 chapters, it all leads to nowhere but a novelization and expansion of the 'other side'.
Cardinel chapter 16 . 11/3/2010
I can't wait for the next chapter. I do hope you update this soon.
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