|Reviews for Mistakes|
| Kojo208 chapter 5 . 10/1/2013
Hell yeah Davis show Kari that we don't need no T.P.
| digimonfan4ever101 chapter 17 . 12/4/2009
i don't think i like the sora characther in this story but i totally love Taiora part! Matt deserve that! huh! he deserve go to hell too! how dare he lie like that? and why sora seem stupid too, she have prove matt cheat her, together with Taichi is the most perfect choice!
Taiora4ever! until doomsday!
| Kitten Kisses chapter 2 . 3/9/2007
Okay, right off, this chapter needs some work.
This sentence- [It was a big step for Sora when she moved in with Yamato Ishida, her mother tried to persuade her otherwise but understanding her daughter was a mature 18 year old and that she was comfortable with Matt who she had been with for the past 3 years Ms. Tekanouchi's doubt was pushed to the back of her mind.] should look a lot different.
"It was a big step for Sora when she moved in with Yamato Ishida- her mother tried to persuade her otherwise, but understanding her daughter was a mature 18 year old, and that she was comfortable with Matt; who she had been with for the past 3 years; Ms. Takanouchi's doubt was pushed to the back of her mind."
Okay. And where is the right puncuation?
["Morning Matt. Want anything to eat." Sora asked innocently.]
"Morning, Matt. Want anything to eat?" is what that should look like.
[You sure Matt, you don't have too."] is another example.
"You sure, Matt? You don't have to."
I *did* like that Sora made a comment about Taichi. Why? Because it's perfectly normal to compare two people. And in her case, she'd known Tai for a long, long time. So naturally she would say things like that.
I would almost say that this line doesn't even make sense.
[Sora apologised sometimes it wore her out trying to please Matt, but when they eventually seemed to run smoothly her mouth would run all by itself.]
"Sora apologized. Sometimes, it wore her out trying to please Matt, but when their relationship finally seemed to run smoothly, her mouth would would ruin it all by itself."
That's one way to write it. Of course, could substitute 'her mouth would ruin it all by itself' for, "her mouth would just start running and ruin it again", or a variety of other things.
["Yeah well, your up now making breakfast, so i'll have some."]
Two problems with this sentence- look: "Yeah, well, you're up now making breakfast, so I'll have some." That's how it ought to look. 'I'll' is always capitalized. And you're is written when you could write 'you are'. You could have written, 'So I guess I'll have some', also.
...[After the usual morning ritual the pair headed of to college together for there Wednesday classes, Wednesdays werealways tiring days it was the middle of the academic week and everyone really couldn't be bothered anymore. With many of the lessons forgotten of unmentioned lunch finally rolled in and the digi destines were sitting around there normal table.]
...Okay. Here's what this should look more like:
"After the usual morning ritual, the pair headed off to college together for their Wednesday classes. Wednesdays were always tiring, because it was the middle of the academic week, and everyone really couldn't be bothered anymore. With many of the lessons forgotten, lunch finally rolled in, and the Digi-Destined were sitting around their normal table."
I have no idea what you meant by, "forgotten of unmentioned lunch".
Here are some more problems:
["Oh my god, oh my god I still haven't chose a career." Mimi chirped in her normal ditzy tone.
"What dya mean you have'nt Mim's, it April and we've got to sort out our career options so we know what university to chose." Sora replied
"Yeah well, what do you want to be." ]
And what they should look like::
"Oh my God! Oh my god! I still haven't picked a major!" Mimi chirped in her normal, rather ditzy tone.
"What do ya mean you haven't, Mimi? It's April, and we've got to sort out career options so we know what University to choose," Sora replied.
"Yeah, well, what do you want to be?"
...Okay. First of all, if they are IN college, they're already at University. If they're in High School, you need to replace your earlier sentence up there. Because right now, they're at college, wondering what college to go to.
Let's say they're in college; or not. It doesn't matter. You don't pick a career- you pick a major. And a minor, too, but it's not nearly as important as a major.
["Whats wrong with that."
"Izzy is there any logical explanation." Joe asked ]
"What's wrong with that?"
"Izzy, is there any logical explanation?" Joe asked.
...Where is your puncuation? Commas?
I did like Izzy's reply to that.
["Sora, honey, your hardly the clothes type are you." Matt stated coolly.
"Well what type am I then?" Sora stated fiercly. ]
'your' needs to be replaced with 'you're', because if you take 'you're apart, it should read 'you are'. "Sora, honey, you're hardly the clothes type, are you?"
And she didn't state it- she asked.
["Sporty, look come on Sora you've got to see the funny side of things, you, a designer purlease thats so mimi-fied."]
Look. You can't use words like 'purlease' in fanfiction. Or in writing. Period.
"Sporty. Look, come on Sora... you've got to see the funny side of things. You- a designer? Please, that's so Mimi-fied."
You can use "Puh-lease", but not 'purlease'. And Mimi's name should still be capitalized.
Also, remember this: When you're writing a sentence, and you say it out loud...if you pause, or stop completely, don't use a comma. Use a period.
["Well what do you want to be then."]
QUESTION MARK. "Well, what do you want to be, then?"
["Well its no secret I want to be a doctor." Joe (A/N well who else would say that.) Said.]
Don't put author notes in the middle of the story. It disrupts the dialogue and ruins it for the reader.
["Any idea's yet Mimi." Sora asked.]
WHERE IS THE QUESTION MARK? "Any ideas yet, Mimi?"
["Well you no, I have spent months in the digital world with you guys, anyone elses mental health problems would be a breeze."]
ACK! "Well, you know, I *have* spent months in the Digital World with you guys... Anyone else's mental health problems would be a breeze!"
First- I had to star 'have', because it would be italicized in your story. Second- "Digital World" should be capitalized.
["Okay is it just me or has Sora and Mimi switched brains." Joe said.]
This requires a question mark: "Okay, is it just me, or have Sora and Mimi switched brains?" Joe asked.
["Err wheres Tai?" Sora said a note of concern in her voice, that didn't go entirely unoticed by Matt who tensed up.]
"Err, where's Tai?" Sora wondered/asked/etc, a note of concern in her voice that didn't go entirely unnoticed by Matt- who tensed up.
'where's" is short for "Where is", which is what Sora is wondering. "Where is Tai?"
[The rest of the day went in a blur, the same as Sora's mind, for some reason Tai kept appearing in her mind, normally she would be able to block him out but today he seemed to appear more often until at the end of the day he literally did. ]
Okay. Goodness. Here's the correction:
"The rest of the day went by in a blur, the same as Sora's mind. For some reason, Tai kept appearing in her mind- normally she'd be able to block him out, but today he seemed to appear more often."
The rest of your sentence makes no sense, whatsoever. You should have written something that did make a little more sense, like, "She finally did see him at the end of the day", or something similar.
["HEY TAI!" Sora shouted eager to catch up on the days haoppenings with her best friend.
"Oh hi Sora."]
"Hey, Tai!" Sora shouted, eager to catch up on the days happenings with her best friend.
"Oh, hi Sora."
Never more than one exclamation or question mark. Ever. Never more than one of each, even together.
(ie: You can do, "What?", but not "What?" or "What?")
["Arn't you glad to see me." Sora asked mocking a hurt voice. Though a simple statement it was testing Tai's limitations, he felt like shouting out 'Yes I'm always glad to see you, sometimes I want to hold you tight and say I love you, you are the sunshine that brightens up my day and the stars that brighten up my dark cold night, I live for you, I wanna be yours.' But of course he never had the guts too for the time being these little outbursts were reserved for the bathroom mirror where he would rehearse when the real Sora was out with Matt.]
"Aren't you glad to see me?" Sora asked, mocking a hurt voice.
Though a simple statement, it was testing Tai's limitations. He felt like shouting out, 'Yes! I'm always glad to see you! Sometimes, I want to hold you tight and tell you I love you. You are the sunshine that brightens up my day, adn the stars that brighten up my dark, cold night. I live for you. I want to be yours!'
But of course, he never had the guts to say it to her. For the time being, these little outbursts were reserved for the bathroom mirror, where he would rehearse; while the real Sora was out with Matt.
["Yeah course I am."]
"Yeah, 'course I am." The only correction to this is an apostrophe in front of 'course'. Why? Because correct English is 'of course', and it's considered an abbreviation. (just like in Pokemon's "Gotta Catch 'Em All" slogan). You could also put the apostrophe behind 'course'. (Gotta Catch Em' All). It works either way.
["Cool so how was your day then."]
"Cool, so how was your day, then?"
["Why weren't you at lunch, its not like you to miss a meal even if it is the student cafeteria food."]
"Why weren't you at lunch? It's not like you to miss a meal- even if it is the student cafeteria food."
["No I don't, enlighten me."
"Hey I know wanna go get a mocha latte? ]
"No I don't. Enlighten me."
"Hey, I know. Wanna go get a mocha latte?"
[Arm in arm the pair strolled off to the nearest Starbucks. To anyone watching they would have looked like a blissfully happy couple, to anyone who knew them they would like just Tai and Sora the usual Best of friends, to Yamato Ishida jealously boiled inside of him and he saw competition and not one he was going to lose.]
Arm in arm, the pair strolled off to the nearest Starbucks. To anyone watching, they would have looked like a blissfully happy couple. To anyone who knew them, they would see just Tai and Sora- the best of friends. But to Yamato Ishida, jealously boiled inside of him, and he saw a competition. It was not one he was going to lose.
First, a problem: You can't call Matt two names. It's either Matt, or it's Yamato. Not both. There is no way I can read the rest of this story. I would end up trying to correct everything. Or I might scratch my own eyes out, because I'm a grammar Nazi.
Either way, keep writing. I'm not saying that you're a bad writer (after all, this is a couple of years old), but that you need to work on a few things. (Grammar, spelling, capitalization, puncuation, et cetera.) If you don't keep writing, though, you won't get any better. Practice makes perfect, as they say.
I'm sorry if you've found this review offensive in any way. I like to consider it constructive criticism.
| Kitten Kisses chapter 1 . 3/9/2007
Wow, uhm...that was short. Really short. There were some grammar mistakes. But other than that, it was a pretty good start. It practically forces you to find out what happened; and what will happen. Great job so far.
| chrono17 chapter 1 . 2/6/2007
this was incredible. i don't like how matt and TK were portrayed so badly though. and for a minute there i was going to kill you for just killing off the baby and doing nothing, but then you redeemed yourself by having her come back. beyond my minor complaints, this really was awesome
| CrystalCutie chapter 16 . 12/31/2005
i loved the story. u should rite another 1, a sequel i mean. It was good tha t u made Matt the bad guy, since in every other ff i've read with him in it, he's ALWAYS the hero, the knight in shining armor or a prince on a white stallion. Literally.
I'm riting a ff rite now, and it is no good.
| taidigimon chapter 17 . 8/16/2004
I love this story! It's very good! Well, I'm off to read the sequel! GREAT STORY! KEEP WRITING!
| Payne N. Uranus chapter 17 . 7/15/2004
That was so AWESOME! I loved this story! I'm adding you to my Favorite Authors list and to my Favorite Stories list and I highly recommend this story to others! I can't wait to read the sequal!
| Marie Darkholme chapter 16 . 6/30/2004
It took me several days, not the entire day of course, but I finally finished reading your beutiful story. I don't know really what to say. I could say its great, its lovely, but I don't think that discribes it. Like Taichi said: It's perfect.
| KhakiBlueSocks chapter 16 . 5/13/2004
According to , "...A well rounded critique is often the most rewarding tool for the writer." Well, I hope this is well rounded enough...your story is THE BEST TAIORA story my eyeballs had ever had the honor of sending the light impulses from my monitor to my brain! Every detail is perfect, and you never, or hardly, break the characters! Perfection and poetry in motion! Your talent knows no bounds! Keep it up!
| Cool Clown chapter 16 . 4/12/2004
That was a great Taiora fanfic. I just love the parts where Tai was always protecting Sora. Do you think you are gonna make a sequel. The best Taiora fic that I read in a long time. Actually it is the best I have read entirely. Taiora 4ever.
| Scarlet Amaryllis chapter 16 . 3/16/2004
_ Awesome story! I went on a forum and a girl had a pen pal in Japan and she said it's TRUE that Tai and Sora gets married in the ending! _ Me so happy! It's said that in the Manga they kiss! TAIORA FOREVER!
PS: My e-mails all wonky so I couldn't e-mail you this _;
| byakuren chapter 16 . 3/3/2004
that was so sad! It made me cry! *sniff sniff* but it was an awsome story! It was so good! I loved it! It was great! I think by now u get the idea that i loved it! hehe! the best! My fav for sure! and its on my list!
| Daniela chapter 15 . 2/18/2004
Hey, I'm the same girl from the other review, I just forgot to write my email.
Oh, by the way, this chapper it's cool too.
| Daniela chapter 16 . 2/18/2004
Well... What can I say that hasn't been said? It's a great story, that's why I'm reviening it (This is the first time I do it). I Love the songs you put in, specially the ones by Evanescence. You' ve got talent girl, keep doing this.
Hey, what did they tell you about Sora's dad in the USA. You'll see I'm form Argentina (a country in Suth America with a lot a bills to pay to the IMF) and here they said that he's just working somewhere else no divorced to Sora's mom, so pleas, can someone wirte to me and tell me?
Well... I guess trhat's it. Again Congratulations.