|Reviews for Before the Storm Breaks|
| damnaccount chapter 3 . 6/23/2004
lol, it's funny how this whole fan fiction thing really appeals to 13 year olds, huh? well, i've been there, but i guess i just never really got into the whole writing bit... so i guess i'm just saying that i know where you're coming from _ ... that and i'm bored, it's 12:37am, and now i think i'm going to go and see if any good kim possible fics have been posted since i last prowled that section of .
| Roxy Robinson chapter 1 . 6/12/2004
Hm... The writing is very good, but "Umbra Swallow" I feel has the characteristics of a very mild Mary Sue.
Basically, as a baddie, she is Artemis' equal, is she not, and therefore must -repeat MUST- either fall in love with him or come to some sort of horribly sterotyped demise*. I'm terribly sorry, but it's the Second Law of Mary Sueish Development, as published in my (as of yet, non-existent) "Treatsie on Plot Bunny Thermodynamics (or something like that)".
No offece intended, of course-
*She'll be just about to die, and she'll say: "No, Fowl... You don't understand. I had a sex change, just after leaving your mother by faking my own death while on a trip to Murmansk."
"You don't mean..." whispered Artemis, his lip trembling.
"Yes, Arty. The bloke you rescued was an actor."
"Yes! Artemis... I AM YOUR FATHER. Glark."
heh heh heh. That's copyright to me, by the way.
| JessieRose chapter 2 . 3/19/2004
I sense this is the start of a very good fic. I really hope you continue with this. It'll be interesting to see what Umbra is like. Also, i like the idea of Artemis being weary about the restaurant, very nice touch! _
| soulful-sin chapter 2 . 1/15/2004
So, Artemis has no idea what he's in for, huh? Okay, it seems as though something in connection with the fairies will reveal itself next chapter.
And I'm glad Umbra won't be a Mary Sue.
| damnaccount chapter 2 . 1/11/2004
there are 2 ways this fic can go from where i'm standing.
(1) it's a very well written piece so far, i like your style. continue this way, and this can promist to be a great story
(2) Umbra Swallow has astrinomical potential to be a Mary Sue. be very careful in the way you write her, you don't want to kill this fic with a sickeningly perfect OC.
other than that, very nice. till next time!
| DemonicBallerina chapter 2 . 1/10/2004
Very interesting, i'm looking forward to reading more!
| the black knight chapter 2 . 1/9/2004
hmm... pretty good so far! but umbra looks like such a mary sue, it'll be extremely hard to counteract it... oh well, lets see how this tgoes, and if it a mary sue, then tough, i guess...
im intrigued so far, so just keep writting and please let this fic not fall into the corruption of mary sue-ness. thank you.
| Mr. Peabody Hawke chapter 1 . 1/7/2004
Excellent start! As far as I can tell, Umbra is an original character, is she not? My suspision is that that she is an alter ego for someone we already know... but somehow I doubt that. I just hope, if she is an important character, that she won't become a Mary-Sue. However, your writing style is very good and your plot is quite original. You seem to have a strong hold on where you plan to go with it. Keep it up; I'm looking forwards to more!
| Cerberus chapter 1 . 1/6/2004
Some nice criticism, you have a nice sort of concept there, so I would hate to see it destroyed by a Mary Sue.
Your best option is to watch Umbra R very carefully, adn make sure she does not become a Mary Sue. All very well is being rich and powerful, somebody has to be (lol), but if she threatens Artemis or poses any threat to his operations, that would be very bad.
| soulful-sin chapter 1 . 1/6/2004
Sounds like a good start. Why don't you keep going?
| I am the chocolate thief chapter 1 . 1/5/2004
sounds like a cool fic.