Reviews for Beautiful Disaster
WayFarer2000 chapter 9 . 10/9/2008
Grammar is good, aside from two things:

1) Dialogue for each character should be in its own paragraph. For example, in Chapter 9, when Konatsu interrupts Akane at the hospital, those quotations should be in separate paragraphs.

2) The flashbacks in chapter nine should be separated out into more paragraphs. They should not be that long.

However, the story was painful to read.

- If I were to summarize this story so far, I'd say, "This story is about some powerful guy coming in and beating up Ranma and Ryoga. Oh, and it's not very interesting, because there's not much else."

- Byakko has had more screen time than any other character. Is he supposed to be the main character?

- The allusions to Byakko's past aren't interesting. They are so vague that they mean nothing to the reader. There's a line between subtlety and vague uselessness.

- The story seems a little inconsistent. Here, we have one of the world's greatest assassin (clearly more powerful the young fighters of Nerima), and yet by some miracle or deus ex machina nobody died yet. What's next? He attacks Genma and Nodoka, and for some strange reason, he spares them too?

- Overall, the story is uninteresting. Boring. The writing style is not gripping, and there's no suspense.
Zambiekiller chapter 9 . 5/7/2008
Awesome :D
Stephen Adezio chapter 2 . 3/24/2008
The line "Blame this misfortune on your birth" sounds like Char Aznable from Gundam 0079 when he sets up Garma Zabi's personal air fleet to be destroyed by White Base. At least that's where I've heard it before.
CastellanSalazar chapter 8 . 10/25/2007
I'll give you three guesses who I am and the first two don't count. Anyhow! I love your story! I had meant to review your story months back but I lost the pass to my old account, making me conjure up another another'un!

Your sentences are great, the battles are complex and well thought out. I like how you can manage to control so many different characters and keep them how they'd normally act on top of your OC! The chapters are all deliciously long and full of emotion, which I can easily pick up in each paragraph. Your cliffhangers are agonizing, though!
hokagenaruto chapter 7 . 8/29/2007
that's a real good story. i like the fight scene the most. please update soon.
PastureRose chapter 7 . 8/28/2007
When are you going to start writing? I've just recently searched through Ranma stories and came upon this one. I really love all the characters and conflicts going on, the writing's above average, and that Byakko character looks like he's going to really be something interesting. Please update this story as soon as possible!
petalsofpain chapter 7 . 10/26/2005
Start writin...
Niqua chapter 7 . 6/17/2005
Please write more soon. I'm a big Ryoga fan and I'm just dieing to know what happens next. LOVE the story thus far PLEEASEE add more soon!
petalsofpain chapter 7 . 4/6/2005
Yay! A fic were Ryouga flexes his abilities. Anyways, don't change anything in your plans set up for this fic as it looks perfect to me. Just don't insult Ranma's abilities here... I hate Akane hahaha. Try and clarify whether there will be any pairings or not. Awesome!
Evil Nightmares chapter 7 . 3/23/2005
Ah, I truly enjoyed reading it! I'm so happy that you're over with your writer's block! I was looking forward to seeing it in published form though I truly did enjoy the sneak peeks you've gave me. Personally, in this chapter I didn't know whether to cheer for Ryouga or Hiroki. What amazes me is reading about their contrasting martial arts styles. Ryouga with his brute strength and Hiroki with his style that is intending to kill. I, as always, am eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

~T-chan
Vaniah chapter 7 . 3/20/2005
Yes! Finally, Hiroki's getting his ass kicked! And by Ryouga, which makes it that much cooler! :D

The thing with the arsenic was cool. Thumbs on on that one. Hiroki is indeed a clever, if completely psychotic dude.

Can't wait for the next installment!
Vaniah chapter 6 . 3/13/2005
I've finally found this story again! Hurrah!

Seriously, this is some really good stuff. Not only have you managed to come up with an interesting and magnetic original character (Hiroki, while being unendingly creepy, is also incredibly cool), but you've got a very solid-looking plot unfolding already. This has a lot of potential, so I really hope you don't abandon it.

Also, what I love the most about this story is the fact that it looks like the whole cast will be involved in some way or another. I really like those stories where everyone puts aside their differences to fight against a greater enemy. It's very thrilling. :D

Also, bonus points for making Konatsu so cool. Poor guy always gets overlooked, but he's actually contributing something useful to the plot. :D

Anyway, do keep writing, will you? I'm anxious to see what's going to happen next. Keep up the great work!
Draechaeli chapter 6 . 2/26/2005
What martial artist would use poison? I hope Ranma trains Nabiki, Kasumi so at least they have a bit of a fighting chance and arn't just sitting ducks (no offence to Mousse). Please up date soon.

~Na
lain in the wired 01 chapter 6 . 1/2/2005
This is great so far. I hope you continue it
Reiyuka chapter 6 . 10/16/2004
You know, Ukyou's actually a pretty smart gal, if you think about it. But oh well. I like the fic, and the more I read, the harder it is to dislike Hiroki. A very creative approach, and I can't help wonder how you got the idea. But anyway, it's a lovely story, and I hope you continue it soon.
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