Reviews for Metal Gear Solid Chronicles
Warp Ligia Obscura chapter 5 . 5/14/2005
Nice and emotional... Now let's see what happens to Jim...
Dead Cell chapter 1 . 9/26/2004
Hey, this stuff is really great! Write more, PLEASE!
Scarbie chapter 1 . 5/12/2004
I think that Pablosky offers some good advice. I think since this is a more action oriented story you should write it out like a book instead of script format. Your story would be better if you had more descriptions.
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You really have to watch out with your spelling and grammar. A lot of times you don't start your sentences with a capital letter.
An example: Snake: "ok Jim lets go!"
By writing the story like a book you wouldn't need to write in ALL CAPS to show the intensity of the person's speech.
One sentence that really stuck out was: "Snake smirks at Jim as he loads his USB."
Isn't USB a port on a computer? I think you meant USP.
SamandMax chapter 5 . 4/17/2004
This story is incredible. Please make thousands of more chapters, and hundreds of more fics starring the handsome stranger Jimmy.
Pablosky chapter 5 . 3/9/2004
WTF? Ok, some recommendations:
-Try to do this as a book, rather than a screenplay. A fic written in Screenplay can't be taken seriously.
-Explain more stuff. Not just talks, but introducing new characters, describing the enviroment and the people.
-Try to Describe actions, as well.
Doctor Vile chapter 1 . 2/16/2004
By the way, my "advice" (Snake's "Oh shit") was my way of telling you that this is either the worst fanfic i've ever read or one of the funniest slapstick comedies. It was not to be taken literally. If you are serious about writing an actual continuation of MGS2, then judging by this evidence you should probably keep it to yourself. I've tried to be nice, but if this is meant to be a serious fanfic (rather than a comedy) then you must be about seven years old, because my little sister can write better than this.
Doctor Vile chapter 5 . 2/10/2004
Ha ha ha, this chapter was almost as funny. A tip for comedy writing: try using stronger language in certain areas, like Snake could have said "Oh shit" when the tanker was blowing up. Apart from that, I can't wait until chapter 6
Doctor Vile chapter 4 . 2/10/2004
This is coming along really well! Your characterisation is excellent, and the plot flawless. Just don't forget to put it in the comedy section, then you're home and dry. I can't remember when I've laughed so much.
Tofer v1.0 chapter 1 . 2/10/2004
Your story. Your rules. Yet I feel that "JIM" is a paper-thin character, and that you have negelcted many of MGS' plot (like Snake not being able to reproduce, yet he has a son). The ideas are good, the plot good, yet ruined by slightly jarred execution. Keep working hard, sooner or later, that style of yours will be very good. Do not fret, I believe that with a bit of work, your true potential will be realised. But a word of advice, with such a broad canvas of names, Jim just doesn't sound right.
GaoGaiGar chapter 1 . 2/1/2004
It's a good story but your facts are kinda busted. Usecove would be about 18 years old if you follow the MGS storyline, but you have him as a young boy.
What up wit dat? I agree with Chicken about the son thing, too. Doesn't really fit. But it is your story ,bro, so do what you want. But you should have left him as a clone since the Snake bros can't have kids and Snake himself knows that so, it's not like he could be tricked into believing that is really his kid. Just play through MGS and MGS2 again, tighten up some of the storyline, and you'll be sound as a pound.
Doctor Vile chapter 3 . 1/22/2004
Yeah, the whole son thing? It doesn't really work. Jim is such a bad name for the son of Solid Snake, and I don't believe that Marco is very russian. Plus, at times Jimmy can get a bit "Gee whillikers, dad!" Harsh, but fair. Reasonably good plot, except Snake is made to look an ameteur at every turn, and it all seems a bit rushed without much description. Good title, but it's spelt CHRONICLES. Get it wrong once more and I'm afraid I'll have to hunt you for sport. And I don't think Solidus would bitchslap Snake like he's a little kid or something. Apart from that, I like the whole getting captured thing, and I eagerly await exciting developments in Chapter 4.