|Reviews for Harry Potter, Heir of Gryffindor|
| Elimentalist chapter 14 . 4/22/2015
I really appreciate your commitment to the story and respect you for writing not one but two HP FFs. But I want to let you know a few things.
I felt really irritated as I was reading because you did not seem at all interested in explaining details. You seem to be in such a hurry to proceed with the story that you are skipping the most important parts. Like the battle at Diagon Alley. A full blown battle between 53 Death Eaters and a few aurors with Harry and Neville was done and dusted in 2 paragraphs. I wish you wouldn't just report things, but actually go into details. It was a bit silly reading about such a full blown battle and less than 30 seconds later reading about them picking out owls.
Also the whole deal with the defensive charm. When you started with that arc about the three of them looking into muggle theology, I was very excited and interested in this unique and highly plausible theory. But you again abandoned the story half way through and skipped to the result. Suddenly two 16 year olds and a professor who had no reasonable proclivity for charms had created the most powerful, wandless spell ever. Things like that really affects the readers experience. You must understand that while you put a lot of thought and spend a considerable amount of time writing a chapter, to the reader it is only a minute long. You need to think about whether the occurrences in a chapter make sense from a readers perspective.
Also, most of the secondary characters seem extremely shallow and their sole purpose so far seems to be to gaze lovingly and with admiration at Harry, or console him. Maybe you can invest in some time for their stories too.
When you are saying something for the first time, please don't just report it saying "Harry explained it for 3 hours". Thats OK if the same explanation comes up a second time and you don't want to repeat yourself. But the number of times you just said "they explained for an hour" was too high. Its like all the important bits are hidden from the reader. Also, when you say "For the next hour harry was explaining the charm in detail..." that one hour does not translate to real time. As a reader, the importance associated with a scene is determined by how much time it takes for us to read that scene. So when you spend half a chapter talking about Ginnys eye, which is supposedly a moment in their time, and just spend a line saying they fought for 3 hours, it twists our focus and makes the read less effective.
I am abandoning the story here. I genuinely appreciate you writing this. I hope I was respectful with my critique and that it helps you improve. I apologize if I was hurtful and would like you to know that if I was, it was unintentional.
| Saissa chapter 47 . 2/18/2015
Definitely an interesting story...
| Saissa chapter 31 . 2/18/2015
The Isle of WIGHT off the southern coast of England is NOT spelt like the colour white.
| Saissa chapter 36 . 2/18/2015
Making a lifetime decision about whom you love is not something that any teenager should have to make.
| Saissa chapter 29 . 2/18/2015
Second cousins - Yaaaay! Finally Harry has some blood relatives - again.
| Saissa chapter 26 . 2/18/2015
Now I think Albus is asking far too much of Harry. Albus needs to be doing some of this stuff himself to do his part in this war.
I find it very convenient that Albus himself claims to not know a lot of this same stuff that he should have learned when he went through this same near death experience himself.
| Saissa chapter 25 . 2/18/2015
Neville and Luna's guardians (grandmother and parent) are respectively - Augusta Longbottom and Xenophilus Lovegood. These names are from Canon.
| Saissa chapter 22 . 2/18/2015
ooh genealogy. I love genealogy. Maybe Harry can find some new relatives!
| Saissa chapter 20 . 2/18/2015
So this ethereal magic is like what the muggles call Astral projection?
An OOB (out of body) experience but its not an NDE (near death experience). He's already had one of those.
| Saissa chapter 18 . 2/18/2015
Why didn't Harry tell the entire class to think about a happy moment that involved the emotion of LOVE. It's not like it is a secret!
| Saissa chapter 16 . 2/18/2015
Albus apologising? He's apologised several times in the first 16 chapters alone...
And I don't think he has mentioned "the greater good" at all. There was one mention of the good but it was a different kind.
I hope that twinkle in his eyes is real and not a glamour charm...
| Saissa chapter 14 . 2/18/2015
2 weeks - got it!
| Saissa chapter 12 . 2/18/2015
I don't understand why Harry doesn't use or seem to know about guns and other military hardware. Guns and bullets will stop anyone using most kinds of magics.
| Saissa chapter 10 . 2/18/2015
Interesting way to learn everything he needs to know. I wonder who long he was unconcious for in the real world?
| Saissa chapter 8 . 2/18/2015
How come Neville doesn't get any birthday presents - apart from one book that is mentioned - or a birthday party?