Reviews for The Child From A Lotus Blossom
dragonfuzzy chapter 3 . 2/19/2004
oh i love where this is going
update again soon
magicpillow chapter 3 . 2/18/2004
That was really cool. By the way...no one minds long chapters *hint hint*
gidgetgirl chapter 3 . 2/17/2004
A good chapter. I'm a little iffy on reading about the faeries, not because I don't think it's working well, but because they're a dominant force in the original I just finished and I try to avoid reading anything that skims near what I write in real life. Still, there's a good chance I'll be safe to read this, and I certainly hope so. It's an engaging read. You certainly pace your plot well, something most writers take years to pick up and something very rare on this site, and you handle a three year old with some pretty developed skill.
I have a few pieces of constructive criticism, though. One, the first paragraph was extremely lyrical, which in and of itself isn't a bad thing, but it felt sort of hodge podge with the rest of the piece. It didn't quite succeed in limiting itself to Spike's perspective, and without it, the tone change after the beginning bit came off as unmotivated and a little jerky... You're almost there on Spike's perspective, but not quite. A good rule of thumb is that if you're limiting to someone's perspective (as I THINK you're trying to do with Spike's perspective here), it's a good idea not to start out a sentence with that person's name. If you had started "He sat on the couch" instead of "Spike sat on the couch," it might have read as less removed from Spike's psyche and that might have passed off the lyrical tone.
Yeah, I know, I'm picky. Another thing, just in general, use names sparingly. For example, Aleda doesn't always have to be referred to as Aleda or Lee, especially in the beginning of a chapter. If you call her "the child" or "the little girl," we'll catch on just fine.
Next general writing tip: the passive tense is not your friend. It takes the power right out of your writing. "another thing was threatening to unnerve him" would read much better as "another thing threatened to unnerve him." Same goes for "the child was flailing in Spike's arms" and any other time you use the word "was" or "were" before a verb. Passive verbs just don't carry the same punch, so read over and edit them out whenever possible.
Another thing, be careful on your adjective choice. Did Buffy really ask Leda where her mommy was SWEETLY? Sweetly has sort of a syrupy connatation to it, and if you mean genuinely sweetly, then I don't think you're getting your effect here. Instead of using a word like sweetly, describe what it actually sounded like. Was Buffy's voice soft? Was she gentle? Did she have that dumb smile on her face that adults often give to little kids and that little kids automatically distrust? "Sweetly" really doesn't tell me much... just another thing to read for.
Character-wise, I think you do a lovely crazy Spike, a great Xander and a pretty darn decent Willow. Buffy I'm a little iffier on, but she's not out of character exactly, so I'm not complaining. The character I'm most confused about is Leda. I don't have a sense of the personality there, yet. So far, she's sorta a mix of all these common little kid types. The difficult type ("Lee no like Buffy"), the spit fire type (the waking up to a temper tantrum), the giggling bit of chapter one. It's not to say that these traits can't be put together in a coherent character. They definitely can. I'm just not sure how they fit together yet. Though the elements almost work as a Danni or Kaya type, Leda doesn't actually come off on the whole as that kind of kid, but I'm not really sure what she does come off as, because when I look at the elements it doesn't quite add up yet. Don't worry about that overmuch. This early in the fic, it would be a miracle if it did add up.
Anyway...hm... oh yes, try not to fall into the Spike-as-the-kid's-protector cliche, letting the kid redeem spike and making everyone see how good spike really is. It's overdone. Yes, I'm guilty of it, too. The thing is, it's unclear why Leda is so attached to Spike, why she doesn't like Buffy (which comes off as being a reaction against Buffy's end of the Buffy/Spike dynamic), etc. I think crazy Spike sends you a long way away from cliches, but just be careful. They can sneak up on you. Also, Leda struck me as friendlier at first, so I think it would make sense and would probably be good for the fic if she was attached to someone else in addition to Spike. I'd suggest Dawn or Willow.
Anyway, as you've probably now learned, I'm opinionated and longwinded when I like a fic. Hope you don't mind, and I hope you update soon. I like it.
darklover chapter 3 . 2/17/2004
Update soon!
lilmamaday chapter 3 . 2/17/2004
I think that I really like Aleda! She likes Spike and so do I...hee hee (but don't tell my hubby!). Please update soon!
Baysidegal chapter 3 . 2/17/2004
Very Very good. Gidgetgirl introduced me to this fic, and I must say (once again) its very good. Aleda is cute, well written, and pretty much kidlike, somthing I have mastered in my own kidfics. I love loopy Spike, a lot, and you're doing a great job writing him. Well I can't wait for a new chapter.
darklover chapter 2 . 2/9/2004
Can't wait to read the next chappie.
gidgetgirl chapter 2 . 2/9/2004
Hehehehehehe. Loopy Spike. I like. I grinned when he was smiling "almost shyly." Very adorable. I can't wait to see the kiddo's personality come through here. Aleda is a rather odd name... what does it mean and is there a nickname? Three syllables is an awful lot of a little girl.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to an update and adding the story to my fave's list, just so I don't miss out on one.
Update soon, and thanks for the shoutout.
lilmamaday chapter 2 . 2/9/2004
I can't wait to find out how Aleda came to be here and how she is so comfortable w/Spike! Please update soon!
dragonfuzzy chapter 1 . 2/9/2004
o love the insanity
darklover chapter 1 . 2/5/2004
Seems like a good story, keep writing!
gidgetgirl chapter 1 . 2/5/2004
Fascinating. Definitely an interesting start. Short, so I don't have that much to say. I'm a sucker for kidfic.
As for names... I definitely think Spike should name her. It would be interesting to know what he would name a kid. Maybe something old fashioned? Or something appropriate to how he found her. (For some reason, I have a little Spike/Anya child in my mind named Lily. It fits the picture I have of what they're child would look like).
I'm wondering if Lotus Child (Lily, Lottie...um... can't think of old fashioned names right now) is somehow actually biologically the child of some scooby couple. It would be cool if it was an unconventional couple.
Lioness Alanna of Conte chapter 1 . 2/5/2004
Hey nice first chapter. VERY discriptive;) ADD MORE!
Just Wolf chapter 1 . 2/5/2004
can't wait to find out what happens. very nicely written, and i like there being a story about crazy spike. write more!
lilmamaday chapter 1 . 2/5/2004
Okay, I am interested to see what happens next, so I guess that means that I like it. Actually it is a really good beginning, please update soon!