Reviews for Undecided Fate
BeckettFan chapter 4 . 2/18/2004
Cool! Shes adopted? Wow! didnt see that coming! plz post more soon! i wanna kno wot happens and wots wrong with Chelsea!
Love Megan
Lorelai Anastasia chapter 3 . 2/17/2004
You know what would be cool? If the person Chelsea thinks is Oz isn't really Oz at all, but a teenage girl/demon who switched bodies with him for some reason. That is the only thing I can think of that would make your portrayel of Oz here make any sense. Seriously needs work, luv.
Also, where in NYC is Chelsea? Because NYC, at least not the NYC I used to lived in, does not have malls, at least not the way you're thinking of. More likely she'd go to Sephora, or Fifth Avenue someplace, or SoHo, or the shoe shop district.
I like Chelsea. I do. She's sassy. But just pay closer attention to details.
gidgetgirl chapter 3 . 2/17/2004
Have you ever seen ANYTHING with Oz in it? Ever? I don't know if I've ever seen Oz characterization this bad. It's seriously dreadful.
"Are we happy now?" In what world would Oz say this sentence? Most likely, none. Also, Oz doesn't use teenage modifiers like "so," as in "if we have a problem here, you can SO take the bus." He also would never in a million years use a phrase with "we" in it and speak condescendingly to a teenager. Oz also doesn't smirk, at least not conventionally. Oz has what are considered facial expressions only in the little Oz world. His face moves a bit, that's it.
Oz is not arrogant, pushy, or cutesy in the least. That means, he wouldn't be snippy with a teenager, wouldn't give her little 'attitude' type warnings, and wouldn't say cutesy stuff like "watch it or your nose will grow.' If it helps, when you're writing Oz dialogue, try to think of things Ephram on Everwood might say, and then make them dryer, shorter, and less male PMS-y and more chill. That's who Oz is.
If you're this bad at writing a character, making them the center or near center of a fic probably isn't a very good idea. You do Faith and Spike well, so I'd suggest that, until you get a grip on Oz, you leave him out of scenes. The idea of anyone calling him Ozzy makes me physically nauseous. It's far too cutesy to fit him, and he'd hate being called it by anyone, whether or not he had a soft spot for them. He's not only out of character, he's the OPPOSITE of the person he was shown to be on the show, and in my opinion, it could potentially ruin what would be an otherwise decent fic.
As for Chelsea, you're showing us neat slice of life high school type things, but that's something more fit for original than for fanfic, and if you do want to have her high school life in there, then take a cue from Buffy and make it significant. They never just showed someone struggling in school in Buffy... there was always some kind of metaphor or supernatural aspect. The invisible girl no one paid attention to, the troubled girl who saw her own death, the mutant swim team, etc.
I want to see more Spike and Faith, and until they meet Chelsea, I don't care about her. Right now, her main trait is to me "annoying" because of the way she interacts with the person you call Oz, who doesn't actually resemble OZ in the least.
BeckettFan chapter 3 . 2/17/2004
LOL! “I’ll be completely relieved and dance on your grave,
Lorelai Anastasia chapter 2 . 2/16/2004
Another very good chapter. I do have a suggestion or two:
I have to agree with gidgetgirl on your portrayel of Oz. It really needs work. Oz has a sort of laid-back, go-with-the-flow quality that I'm not seeing here. Maybe he was too wordy here; I can't pinpoint it exactly. But you may want to watch some season three or four episodes to brush up on Oz dialouge.
I did love the Spike Lion King thing, though. Very funny. Please update!
LiamLover89 chapter 2 . 2/16/2004
Me likes!
gidgetgirl chapter 2 . 2/15/2004
Spike was deliciously well done, Faith was decent, Tara was bad, and Oz was absolutely, positively ghastly. You're really running the spectrum on characterization.
ChelaLeniar chapter 2 . 2/15/2004
Really good from what I have read. For one, my name is Chelsea, so I already love it. but, I have never been called Chelly in my whole life. I'm usually called Chels or Chela, just a suggestion. Other things aside, yhe story's great.
BeckettFan chapter 2 . 2/14/2004
Cool! this is really good! Spike likes da lion king? lol! and Taras sorta alive? yay! and i love Faiths comment, "great im having a i see dead people night"! that was so funny! plz post more soon! i wanna kno wot happens!
Love Megan
Lorelai Anastasia chapter 1 . 2/14/2004
Really liking this so far. Anything with Faith I love, and I like your portrayel of her. Also, your depiction of the Buffy/Faith dynamic is very accurate, and funny besides. UPDATE.
Strange Bint chapter 1 . 2/14/2004
I really like where this is going. I look foward to reading the next chapter. Im doing a Spike and Faith slay together thing too. Check it out if you want:
Either way, I'll be sure to see how your story ends
BeckettFan chapter 1 . 2/13/2004
Cool! this sounds really good! plz post more soon!
Love Megan
gidgetgirl chapter 1 . 2/13/2004
Pretty good, I think. Well-written, that's for sure. You've come a long way. There were some nice, in character touches. Harmony seemed pretty good, the "change of address" part was especially nice. Spike was decently in character. Faith isn't quite there for me yet. There's a carelessness, a carefully held back throw-to-the-wind type of attitude that you haven't quite hit yet, but she was still decently put together. The iffiest characterization was Buffy's, but if you're limiting to Faith's perspective a bit, it wasn't too terribly bad.
All in all, a good start.
Galandria the Vampire Queen chapter 1 . 2/13/2004
this seems promising
but will this be a Faith/Spike fic
because i just love them two together
keep going, can't wait to read more