I don't really like the slang at the beginning. He seems like he should be more serious, after all, he is talking about serious things.
I especially like how you describe the betrayal, and Inu Yasha's feelings during that time. it makes more sense to me now.

I don't think inu's that out of character. He can be like that when he's on his soft side.

You need to use slang for Inuyasha. Inuyash and no slang makes for drunk Inuyasha.

A beautiful opening. I wish you'd continue it. This has the makings of an absolutely heart-wrenching story. I'm dying to read it all.

so sad..sniff sniff..im gonna cry now...

Intriguing. I love your description (and the word combination "heathen land" phew!) and Inuyasha's narrative is very fitting. There's a few tense problems with "has"s that should actually be "have" but otherwise you've made a good start.
Let me know when you post more up (heh, I'm sure you will).

i like it
hope you write soon

It's so sad, but it's angst, so you achieved what you wanted.

Aw, thats so sad. Poor Inu-chan [sniff]

pleez update

. . . Keep going . . .