|Reviews for One Enchantica Evening|
| 3774473974937497 chapter 10 . 6/29/2013
I loved this story, but I think you might need to edit it more because there are some mistakes. One of the mistakes are the sentence spacing. You don't need to space every single sentence that you make, although it's nicer to see and easier to read with. Also, in some parts of this chapter, you put capitals at the wrong areas.
Here's one of the mistakes.
"Come Children it's time to say good-bye."
You don't have to put a capital on children.
I think if you edit this, this story will get more reviews, favorites, follows and more people will enjoy this.
| RHIGHLANDERS chapter 1 . 7/3/2004
I read your fic and WOW! It sounds exactly like the show! Excellent!
| KissDarkness chapter 1 . 4/11/2004
It was long and pointless. And for some reason, it sound very monotoned. Also, why do you have random new paragraph spacing in the middle of a sentence? You have random capitalization and punctuation errors, too. There's a difference between "maybe" and "may be."
There's also a lot of dialogue, and not much plotty-detail stuff. I used to do that, but I've learned. Don't have too many one sentence paragraphs, and if the story is mostly dialogue, then just write it in script form.
There's already so many Pokemon, why do you need to make new ones?
So, if you'd just take that advice, I'm sure you'd be a fine writer.
| darkiris chapter 1 . 2/28/2004
I like this. Please continue.
| Farla chapter 1 . 2/27/2004
I'd talk about the plot, but it hurt my brain too much to read through the whole thing. So I'll just remind you about the simple mechanics of writing and a few general comments.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said and not "Hello." He said
Your sentence structure is appalling.
The 'random talented (female) trainer' who meets Ash is overdone. And it was stupid the first time.
Commas are your friends.
Learn tenses. You make some really bad mistakes.
Using random speech tags constantly is just irritating. It's *worse* than just using 'said', not better. Some variety is good, but what you've got here is like dumping pounds of pepper into your food.
The delete key is also your friend. Personally, if I wrote something like this I'd delete the entire thing, but failing that, you could at least try to clip down the long and useless dialogue and get rid of the random useless scenes.
Oh, yes. Making up new pokemon should only be done if you have some idea of what you're doing. As a general rule of thumb, if you could use ordinary pokemon, do so.