Reviews for Yolei
kai-cutie-angel chapter 1 . 4/18/2004
hiya! kawaii fairytale. i was always a sucker for fairytales! _ anyway, keep up the good work!
yolei-kens-lover too lazy to get of my lazy ass to sign in chapter 1 . 4/15/2004
hey don't feel let down cause of one bad review even if that was the only review u got, come on, i know it was brief, but how about writing another ken/yolei, i'll read it and make sure some others read it too, i just can't stand ppl who dis a kenyako fic _, s have me on ur side.
yolei
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Bleh chapter 1 . 3/5/2004
This is bland. Extremely bland. There's nothing to make this stand out from any of the other nine million 'adaptions' of fairy tales. So you used a couple of names. That doesn't mean these are the _characters_. They're not. They don't even come close. Why would independent and free-spirited Yolei submit to this 'stepmother'? You give us no background whatsoever. The whole interaction between Yolei and Ken, which is supposed to form their romance, is so thin and see-through I can barely see them as FRIENDS, much less being in love.
Fairy tales can get away with this kind of thing because their characters are _original_. The story tells of their personality. However, you are trying to write fanfic. They already _have_ a personality. This was not a Ken/Yolei. This was a Cinderella/Prince Charming story. The personalities of these two characters simply don't fit in these roles.
If you want a sweet, shy, submissive girl, Kari is right there. A dashing handsome prince...any of the guys could do, as the prince is never given much personality beyond being perfect for the girl.
Or you could try something DIFFERENT and give some depth to the story. Remember "Ever After"? Danielle saved HERSELF from the bad guy and didn't wait for the prince to come do it for her. They spent weeks and months getting to know each other, not five poorly described seconds.
THAT'S how you tell a story.