|Reviews for An Instrument of Fate|
| Kathy Ritcy chapter 1 . 7/23/2006
You could do better...
| Teddypant chapter 1 . 8/23/2004
I found this story to be the most convoluted made-up Lord of Rings story ever I read. For best story, read my tale "Saurus Gets His Revenge." That is howa you are supoosed to write stories. They should be less than a page long and have extreme violence. You should take a class in writing stories or something because your stories are too long and no one will ever build a statue of or dedicate a library to a writer who can't keep things concise. Also, you need to write more about the dinosaurs of Middle Earth, and how they were ridden upon by the Bear People. That is what people care about.
| Kendoka Girl chapter 15 . 8/13/2004
Thanks for your new chapter. I enjoy your use of other characters to highlight the main characters. After reading Tolkein, I always wanted to hear more about Gil-Galad and Glorfindel.
I'm posting a LOTR story I wrote back in hs and college, but never finished. Maybe this will motivate me?
| Kendoka Girl chapter 2 . 7/30/2004
Hey, Lord Valentai
I'm enjoying your story. I don't know if you recall, but I was the one, who recalled the Battle of Eylau on the KOTOR site.
Seeing your bio, I actually walked Pickett's Charge with my dad. (formerly Colonel Dad) I shot his replica 1861 .59 cal rifled musket. Just about put me on my butt.
I am a LOTR fan and wrote a lot in my college days. I think I may upload them later. I enjoyed Tolkien's story of the fall of Numenor. It was so tragic. I would love to see a story of the fall of Ost in Edhil, the city of the Noldor.
Anyhoo, should you feel inclined, please read my KOTOR story at Alice the Raven.
| JessieRose chapter 11 . 6/28/2004
Just for the record, my reviews are very sincere! _ I don't say things I don't mean! And i think your story is great, as i have said before i don't know the canon as well as i should, so little things out of place don't bother me! Great chapter, please keep writing.
| JessieRose chapter 10 . 6/21/2004
Wow! I'm really glad you decided to continue, and that it was my review which prompted your decision! This was a great chapter, really well written, with such great visual techniques! I don't think I've ever read a story on which has had so much thought put into it! Great writing once more. And thanks for updating, please continue to write and post!
| JessieRose chapter 9 . 6/20/2004
Sorry i didn't review the last chapter, but I'm reviewing now! Two amazing chapters! You have an amazing writing style, which is quite similar to that of the Lord of the Rings (that is a compliment as LOTR is a masterpiece!) I really love the long chapters, meaning that the reader doesn't just get a paragraph then has to wait ages for another paragraph! And i love how you've introduced your own currency and everything! This fic is really good, and i can't wait for you to update! So more please (and soon!).
| JessieRose chapter 7 . 4/12/2004
Wow! I have really enjoyed reading this fic! I like the history you have created and the characters. I'm not as familar with Tolkien's world as some people, so i wouldn't notice any spelling mistakes or factual errors. So i can't help on that account, sorry! You have obviously put a lot of time and effort into this. I wouldn't even dream of attempting such a fic.
| Spirit of Tolkien chapter 3 . 4/1/2004
Hm. The general idea and setting of your fic is not bad. You spend a little too much time in exposition, maybe.
Archduke? Duke? Baron? Count? In LOTR we encounter Kings, even High Kings, we have Stewarts, and then lords. Archduke etc. is as less authentic as "sir". "Sire" is used in the "SIlmarillion", albeit in a different connotation, if I remember correctly.
In the entire LOTR, Elrond is never called "Lord Elrond", always "Master Elrond", or "Elrond Halfelven", or "Elrond of Rivendell" if he is given some sort of title.
Many of the names strike me as "un-Tolkien", as they appear not to belong to any know language of Middle-earth, i.e. "Terinde Fedallais of Dal Mondre". And "Coridius" appears Latin, but the word doesn't actually exist, so... "Valentai"? "Vlaimadous"? Uhm. No, sorry, they just don't work.
"Vallarië, son of Celembrimbor"? Ugh! Celebrimbor loved Galadriel, and was not loved in return. Maglor is said to be the last of the line of Feanor still wandering Middle-earth, albeit unseen by anyone. So?
The distinction should not read "elf - human" but "elf -man".
You do not like commas very much, do you?
The fic didn't hold my interest throughout.
| A. Meril chapter 2 . 3/27/2004
Obviously a lot of time and effort put into this one, and major kudos for that.
But stories are never perfect, polishing is always good. Here's my tips (hopefully you'll interpret them as constructive):
1) Title. "Instrument of Fate" is good (catches the interest), but take out the "LOTR". This is not "Lord of the Rings", it's Last Alliance. Yes, Sauron of the Lord of the Rings, but that title is connotated with Tolkien's book. Plus, adding in the acronym sounds a bit immature.
2) Try to avoid the infamous History Book. It is longwinded, and occasionally repetitive. For the prologue, it was too much so. Too much history is not going to keep a person's interest. However, this seems to be your style and you said that you were not going to change it, so oh well.
3) There have been some mini-Balrogs created here: spelling errors. "Annúminnas" should be "Annúminas", for example. Khazard-Dûm - Khazad-dûm, Númenorian - Númenorean.
I'm short on time, so that's a view of this so far. Much congrats on putting so much effort into your story.
| WargishBoromirFan chapter 3 . 3/18/2004
Whew, deep breaths, there milord. Valentai might not have to breathe regularly, but Warg does. You might want to watch for run-on sentences in there, but they're not so common that one notices them on the first reading of the action sequences. There's other little typos that I bring up only because they're unintentionally humorous: Ch 2, 3/4 down: "To the left of Elrond was [were] two unfamiliar elves, both with back hair ..." Ciridan, eat your heart out. There's another little sentence when dicussing orc raids,in the first chapter I think, that due to its odd punctuation, makes it sound as if the houses were running away. ;P What one say, though? We all screw up somewhere or another. All in all, a very exciting & interesting beginning. I'd like to see more about the world traveling.