Reviews for In Umbra
Emi1988 chapter 10 . 4/22/2004
That was anticlamatic. But good!
Keep going!
Chaka chapter 10 . 4/17/2004
CONTINUE!
Nightengale13 chapter 10 . 4/15/2004
Lia-
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A couple critiques before the praise:
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The paragraph beginning with "Tatsumi was in bad shape..." has a lot of commas that should be semicolons in it. Fixing those would make it read a lot lot clearer.
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The last speech from Watari is wonderfully written, succinctly wrapping a condemnation of all that Muraki is and has done into one neat paragraph. But it loses a lot of its oomph because of the similar speech one or two chapters ago. Muraki was affected by that speech too much to make this speech the big shocker knockout punch it ought to be. Weaken the first speech and/or make Muraki care less about the first speech, and this one instantly becomes more powerful.
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I like Watari's speech to Tatsumi, it's sweet, but a point sticks out at me as a major flaw: "I didn't risk my life for you to leave me..." Call me crazy, or a nitpick, but I think Watari'd risk his life even if he knew he had no chance to bring back anything but Tatsumi's corpse. Morbid as that is, Watari does not seem the type to say "I risked my life, now I need to get something to feel it was worth it." I know his goal was to rescue Tatsumi, and I know he's trying to convince himself and Tats, if he can hear him, that Tats will live. The whole speech is fine except that phrase, which I would put as "I don't want my life if you leave me" or something, but more poetic than that. You get what I mean, though...I hope...
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The account from Tatsumi's perspective of Watari's approach was great. I especially enjoyed the "rope" becoming "silk"-without saying "ribbon," "tie," "hair," or "braid," you showed Tatsumi's flailing hand catching in and pulling out the ribbon at the end of Watari's golden braid. The reader so clearly sees the black ribbon falling to lie in the blood under the men, possibly still looped around one of Tatsumi's fingers, as the three sections of Watari's tightly-braided hair are released and spin quickly at first, then fall limp and loose. Watari doesn't pay them any heed, but the suddenly soft curtain falling around him, around Tatsumi, trailing in the blood and his wounds, falling in front of Watari's eyes...
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You managed to reinvent the old shoujo trick of lace and bubbles edging the frame and make it *NOT* ruin the tense, almost gothic mood.
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MAJOR kudos.
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What else can I inflate your ego-uh, praise you with? _
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I dunno. I think I'm gonna go reread it and leave the review where it is...I might get a little discombobulated if I try to keep going.
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So, YOU keep going, and I'll see you next chapter!
Thirteenth Nightengale
Kitsune Blood chapter 10 . 4/15/2004
And another wonderful chapter. Hopefully it's not over yet! (cheers for more Watari and Tatsumi angst!) AND MURAKI NEEDS TO DIE! (but all the fans of Yami no Matusie know this fact).
Ardwynna Morrigu chapter 10 . 4/15/2004
I feel for Tatsumi, I really do. His despair was almost tangible, the way you depicted it. I thought Muraki went down quick a bit earlier so it was good to see him try for another run at Watari in this chapter.
Watari's shredding of Muraki's psyche was effective. I thought it went a bit fast, but then Watari isn't like Muraki, to enjoy inflicting torture, particularly with Tatsumi needing to be rescued. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for Tatsumi to have at least some kind of recovery.
As always, the imagery was lovely. I particularly liked the moment when Tatsumi pulled Watari's braid loose. I'm eager to see how things go from this point.
Kara Angitia chapter 10 . 4/15/2004
[is hugging her fave owl plushie]Ee gad! What's going to happen to Tatsumi-san? Will he be ok (course he will he's got Watari looking out for him) I always thought that if the other Shinigami had let Watari loose on Muraki a lot of stuff could of been avoided. Ah well its not my series - see ya
paddle-without-boat chapter 10 . 4/15/2004
Wow. Damn, Watari's good at the whole scathing comment thing. Poor Tatsumi...I can only imagine what pain he must be in. And Watari's having to be so brave for him...I bet he's a complete wreck inside, though. More soon!
Kitsune Blood chapter 9 . 4/13/2004
Well, I think that the whole skeleton idea works, and very well in my mind. Okay, now I'm waiting for the suspensefull next chapter, so please update! I'm enjoying this new aspect of Watari very well, and their is always the fact that Muraki will pull something out of his hat at last minute. Great job!
Kara Angitia chapter 9 . 4/13/2004
Bravo indeed! This was a treat to get to see Watari kick some booty, I have to agree with your author notes, his powers wouldn't be able to extend that far but the theory works, if he wanted he could bring a building down around his enemies just by granting it life and telling it to. I'm so glad you did this! Everyone always underestimates Tari I think I might of mentioned it in my first review but why would Enma have weak Shinigami! I can't wait for the next chapter, and I'll try and get those doujin scans done.
Nightengale13 chapter 9 . 4/12/2004
For the love of all that is unholy, this rocks!
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The hours of research Watari spent have finally come to fruition. Remembering that "life to the lifeless," not "inanimate," is his actual power was instrumental in your crafting of this story. We now are shown one more way in which your uncanny natural talent for attending to the details has paid off, exponentially. Watari fights not rashly as Bon or Tsuzuki would, but leaving nothing to chance. Very good. Though the punch is not something that "normal" Watari would do, this is God-of-Death Watari, and damned if I don't wish he'd stay like this more. ::whistles at him:: Oh yes, we love the sexy black, we love the trench (everyfrippingone in this show deserves one, anyways), and we love the eyes. But back on topic, the cufflinks were a great little emotional -yank- on Watari's already taut tolerance from Muraki. Watari -yanked- right back by punching Muraki with that which Muraki had hoped to distress Watari with; that is, turned his own trick right back on him. Plus the extra element of unity in love to destroy Muraki, with Tatsumi there in spirit through the links...::squees:: Love.
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Mentioning that Watari has turned Muraki's trademark smile back on him gave a very effective image of who holds the power in the scene. It gave Muraki's usual ethereal-and offputting-glow to Watari's face and hair and eyes. Quite the effect. Using "gentlemen" and "ladies" as Watari addresses his armies gives him an appearance of more refinement than Muraki-or possibly just that Watari respects those he summons as individuals and things-that-once-were-peoples, as opposed to Muraki, who views them only as tools...
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The tight braid gives a good image of Watari's whole carriage of person in this chapter: he's tense, ready for (in) battle, unshakeable.
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He's in love.
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Sorry. But now I'm looking forward to the very end, when they can breathe easy and cry.
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Of course, before that happens, Muraki will undoubtably rally one more time (even though I love you, Furies, you're not good enough to stop our Kaz). And Tatsumi will have to angst a good deal more.
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And, first off, Watari has to *find* Tatsumi.
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Run, Watari, run!
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(In case it's not evident, Lia, I love your work. Keep it up!)
Thirteenth Nightengale
Oneiro Farseer chapter 9 . 4/12/2004
I -adore- this chapter! (Actually, I love this whole fic, but this chapter especially).
I have a very clear image of Watari and Muraki as he begins to summon the skeletons - one of those times I wish I were capable of drawing. Watari's standing at a much higher level than Muraki - the ground slopes down towards him. 'Taka's coat is swirling around him, and there's a storm happening in the background - no lightning, just dark, threatening clouds and thunder.
I get very vivid images of scenes like this _
Sappy flangst, next, I hope? _
paddle-without-boat chapter 9 . 4/12/2004
LOL. The cuff links of doom! Wow, there are so many things those skeletons can do to Muraki without killing him...I can think of a few in particular that he deserves. *heh heh* Yes, Watari got to kick some ass! It's about time. He's always cooped up in that lab.
Kata chapter 8 . 4/9/2004
You really gotta draw that picture of Watari, I would really like to see that new appearance of his ;] Anyway, the story is great so far. It’s weird how I find myself liking the story that has so much torturing of my favorite characters in it, but for some reason I think angst and romance go well together! The more angst, the more romance in the end! _ ...hmm, sounds weird to be this optimistic in this part of the story x] Those scars in the shape of wings were very beautiful by the way, if I could draw with YnM -style I would draw a picture of that part. Anyway, update soon, I love the story!
Kara Angitia chapter 8 . 4/9/2004
[claps]Oh This is my fave chapter so far, I liked the bit with Watari and Tsuzuki becuase they are really close and it was nice to know that if Watari does lose at least they have some closure. Can't wait to see how the confrontation goes.
Ardwynna Morrigu chapter 8 . 4/8/2004
This chapter is amazing! I loved the description of Watari as he changed into his Vengeance Outfit. It makes the mood change more vivid, really solidifies this aspect of his personality. I'd love to tackle a painting of him like that myself, time allowing, and if you don't mind.
Muraki's carving makes perfect sense and I think you did right not making it curse scars. When I read the first line about it I was concerned that there would be another Hisoka scenario, but you're better than that. The way Tatsumi filed away his memories was so in character and heartrending.
I also like the way Hisoka took charge in the situation at the office. I'm stuck to your words like a leech. Great job!
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